Saturday, November 29, 2008
I spent my Wednesday having fun with the kid, who was out of school that day. We ran a bunch of errands during the morning (shopping for poppa’s birthday pressie, which I can tell you, cuz my kitten don’t read my ramblings, was a “Don’t Break The Ice” game that Adrian “just knows poppa is gonna love it”.) I got him a few other things too…a pair of invisible underpants, and a bottle of lube, but I’m sure “Don’t Break The Ice” will be his favorite. For lunch we met Leslie and Jed up at Chipotle for a little burrito action. Side note for you Yankees, there’s no such thing as a “burrito” in Mexico OR Texico. “Burrito” translates into “little ass”, if you will. And not the kind that you make love to, the kind you beat with a riding crop to get him moving with your cart of vegetables you just picked up from the market. So if you think reciting the menu from Taco Bell makes you bilingual, all you’re doing when you order a “burrito” is calling the employee a little ass.
After lunch Adrian and I started working on preparations for the side dishes for Thanksgiving dinner. It was fun for him for about 3 minutes before he washed his hands and went to watch something on the idiot box and left me alone in the kitchen to cook and clean…much like his poppa does now that I mention it. The folks were on their way down from OKC and got caught up in multiple traffic jams. The usual 6 hour trip ended up taking them a little over 10 hours. Needless to say, they weren’t NEARLY as happy to see us when they finally arrived as Nathan was. The squealing of “DAAAAADDDEEEEEE” when he got out of the car made me want to send him to the grandparents EVERY week just to hear him scream my name when he returned. I don’t think the folks even turned the car off. Just dropped the kid off and headed to their hotel.
Thursday morning I woke up at 6 and didn’t leave the kitchen until about 9 that evening. That’s not entirely true…I was allowed out for 20 minutes to eat with everyone before getting back in there and finishing up deserts and loading the dishwasher. It was so nice having the folks on my turf again. Our very good folks, the Fenders, joined us as well. It was good food and great conversation. After lunch dad took a nap with Nathan while Adrian entertained himself and the rest of us played a rousing game of Phase 10. Some interesting conversation came up during the game:
Leslie: Babs, do you know what tattoos your son has?
Babs: Well I know he has a _____ on his arm and a ____ on his _____.
Leslie: Yeah, but what and where’s his third one?
Babs: Uhhhh, I didn’t know he had a third one, but it doesn’t surprise me.
Leslie: Well Jed tried to draw it one night while we were all eating out together and I know what he drew was the tattoo, but it looked like a sea dragon or something and they were both laughing so hard we couldn’t get it out of either one of them what it was.
Babs: A sea dragon, huh?
Leslie: Yeah. Just so you know Babs, when your son dies, I’m most definitely going to be pantsing him at the funeral. I just don’t want you to be alarmed when I’m pulling his pants off him. I’m not a pervert or anything, but I have to know what that tattoo is before he’s put in the ground.
And then, my most favorite conversation.
Babs: (F)reddy, can you show me how to create a MySpace page? I think I want to start a blog.
(F)reddy: (Spewing his beer across the table) WHAT? WHAT ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT FOR:
Babs: Because I find them entertaining. In fact, I’ve recently found yours and I’ve been quite entertained by your stories. In fact, you know which one of your blogs was my favorite?
Folks. I nearly died. FOR REALS.
Babs: The one where you took pictures of my house and made fun of me on your blog was my favorite!
OH MY GOD.
It took us all a good 20 minutes to stop laughing.
After the Fender’s left mom and I spent a couple of hours on the internet trying to find things she wanted to buy for all the grandkids for Christmas. Having found most of the stuff on Amazon, she was delighted how easy the whole thing was…but then we noticed that Wal-Shart had one of the Madden NFL games on sale for Black Friday morning at about ½ of what it was on line. She asked if I’d take her up there in the morning. I told her I wouldn’t do the “door-buster” thing, but that I’d run her up there so she could get them. So…
Friday morning I woke up at 430, ran to pick her up at the hotel and ran her to do her shopping. Things were not nearly as hectic here as they were in other areas of the country. We got in, got her stuff, and got out. We celebrated with “breakfast” back at the hotel afterwards. I ran home to grab a shower and the family and then met back up with the folks to drive to New Braunfels to hook up with Jed’s family (aunt, uncle, cousins, cousin’s spouses, cousin’s kid, grandmother, and red-headed step-child). From there ALL SIXTEEN OF US caravanned from New Braunfels to Fredericksburg, Texas to do some Hill-Country shopping and eat some German food. We had a lovely time co-mingling the families and choking down some beer and schnitzel. I’m so glad pappy drove on the way home, cuz (F)reddy was a little more than sleepy. When we walked in the house I collapsed in my La-Z-Boy just as my mommy says, “Hey, why don’t you put your tree up”? Huh? What? NOW?
Folks, my house is tiny. It’s 1100 square feet if you’ve got the windows open. Jed and I are big boys. We have two very active toddlers, and two very needy dogs. Add 2 parents who are a little more than twice our sizes, and it’s a very crowded house. So of course I…
Went to the garage and dug out all of our Christmas stuff. Granny wanted to see the boys’ faces as we put up the tree. Moreover, she wanted to take pictures of them “helping me” put the tree up. And, I’ll have to admit, as exhausted as I was, the boys really did have a great time setting up the tree and pulling off the ornaments as I put them on.
Saturday morning we got up early again and met the folks at Waterloo Icehouse of breakie. I had my standard Chicken Fried Steak and eggs with hashbrowns, toast, and copious amounts of coffee. After breakfast was over, we did our kiss n’ cry in the parking lot and said farewell to the folks. Jed and I ran the boys to the theater to see Madagascar 2. It wasn’t as good as the first one, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. After the movie we ran home and I got to take a much needed nap with the boys. After the nap, Jed CHALLENGED me to take Nathan to get his haircut. Never one to back down from a challenge, I accepted.
You should know, Nathan HATES getting his haircut. He considers any hairdressers to be his arch-nemesis. I once saw him (when he was two) snatch the scissors out of a woman’s hand and stab her in the eye with it. Another time, I watched in horror as he grabbed the clippers out of a guy’s hand and shave his balls with them. The hairdresser’s, not Nathan’s (cuz Nate’s only 3 and don’t got no hair on his balls yet.) To say he doesn’t like getting his haircut is an understatement. You would think Nathan is Superman and haircuts are his kryptonite. OR, you could simply believe that Nathan is Sampson. We just don’t take him that often because it is THAT horrible of an experience. The woman today certainly did a fantastic job AND deserved EVERY CENT of her 120% tip. I REALLY hope her hair grows back quickly, and I’m VERY sorry for handing him the lighter AND the hairspray at the same time.
Tonight I made some Turkey Tetrazini for dinner with some of the left over turkey. It was delicious. But now I’m tired. I’m sure not half as tired as you are reading this, but tired nonetheless. I have one more day tomorrow to “relax”…but it’ll be spent studying for my last week of school. That’s good for you, cuz it gives you a week to read all this crap.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Folks, it ain’t easy maintaining this panda bear shape. It takes a lot of planning, a lot of shopping, and a lot of cooking.
I have so much to be thankful for every day of my life. I’m not going to go balls to the wall crazy like Blair and list all 25 things I’m thankful for. I bet you folks who reads this are thankful for that, eh? (F)reddy sparing you another “list”? I think it’s quite obvious what I’m thankful for, just by the shit that I write. In case you’re wondering, I’m quite thankful for each of you taking the time to read this crap too. So instead of a list today, I give you my menu of what’s for dinner today…and I hope each of you have a fantastic day with your loved ones…or by yourselves if that’s what you have chosen to do.
Pre-fab French onion dip with Fritos y Ruffles for dippers (cuz I’m lazy like that).
Slap Yo Mama Good Sweet Potato Casserole (From my BFF, Kay…she may have stolen my title, but the recipe is ALL hers!)
Broccoli Rice casserole
Green Bean casserole (BFF, Leslie, is bringing it…so wish us luck!)
Mashed Taters (skins on, cuz if you eat taters in my house you’ll eat them with skins on or you’ll get the fuck out).
Stuffing (both stuffed in the birds ass AND a casserole…just to be sure there’s plenny)
Standard pumpkin pies (x2)
Apple Pie (Again, Leslie is bringing, but she says it’s from Marie Callender’s, so we probably won’t die)
Happy Holidays y’all. Yo, for reals.
2. People who charge the elevator door rather than waiting for people to get off.
3. People who begin a sentence with, “I’m not a ______, but…”.
4. People who don’t know how to yield the right of way or just don’t do it.
5. People who don’t know how to merge with traffic.
6. People who don’t believe stop signs apply to them.
7. People who don’t pick up their dog shit.
8. Parents who don’t have any expectations for their children.
9. Parents who talk to their children like they’re a lower form of species.
10. Parents who hit their children especially, but not limited to, in public.
11. People who don’t wash their hands before leaving a bathroom.
12. “Skinny pants” on men.
13. People I don’t know touching my children.
14. People saying, “It must be mom’s night off” when Jed and I take the boys out to dinner.
15. Being required to give contact information before a purchase.
16. People who don’t apologize.
17. People who can’t accept an apology.
18. “Peeps” (the Easter ‘treat’).
19. Yankee “BBQ”.
20. Yankee “Mexican food”.
21. Southern “Pizza”.
22. People who serve Picante sauce.
23. People who use the passing lane a regular lane of traffic.
24. People who say “supposebly”.
25. People who use vanilla scented anything in their bathrooms.
26. Hearing my voice recorded in any manner.
27. People distracted by portable electronic devices when having conversations with people directly in front of them.
28. People who don’t make eye (or facial) contact when having a conversation. IF I CAN’T SEE YOUR MOUTH, I CAN’T HEAR YOU.
29. People who pronounce “Italian”, “EYE-TAL-EE-ANN”. You don’t visit EYE-TIL-EEE, do you?
30. People who try something once and become an instant expert.
31. Militant vegetarianism/veganism.
32. Women who fake orgasms in pornos.
33. Porn producers who run “the money shot” on an endless loop making it look like the guy is “Old Faithful”.
34. Men who wax their eyebrows.
35. Women who have waxed their eyebrows completely off and then pencil them back on.
36. Unnatural colors of hair (Blue/Green/Purple).
37. Men who shave their legs.
38. Men who shave their junk.
39. Men who shave.
40. People who start and email with Dear (Insert recipient’s name) and end it with a formal saluation.
41. Women who dress like hookers to drop their kids off at school (unless they ARE hookers, then it’s okay).
42. Women who can’t leave the house in a full face full of make-up…ESPECIALLY when they’re at the gym.
43. Restaurants that serve sweetened iced tea.
44. Restaurants that automatically add 15% gratuity to the bill.
45. Cashier’s who have conversations with their co-workers while they’re ringing me up instead of giving me undivided attention.
46. Cashier’s who ask me if I “found everything I was looking for” and then look at me stupidly when I tell them “no”.
47. People who text and/or talk on cell phones while driving.
48. People who text and/or talk on cell phones while walking.
49. People who text and/or talk on cell phones while having sex.
50. People who text and/or talk on cell phones in public.
51. People who don’t say hello back to you when you say hello to them.
53. People scheduling a meeting time with you and then expecting you to wait for them.
54. When a certain someone who isn’t me or Adrian or Nathan leaves lights on in a room they’re not in…especially when there are five lights in five rooms with nobody in them.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
1. The longest I’ve ever gone without a haircut is 11 years.
2. I threw up on the first woman I ever had sex with in the middle of having sex.
3. I don’t enjoy eating anything sweet. No candy, cake, pies, or soda.
4. My shoe size is 15 EEE. All that confirms is that I have big boots.
5. I have 3 tattoos, two of which only 37 people have seen.
6. I only shower/bathe Monday through Friday, regardless of how dirty I get on the weekends.
7. The first thing I notice on men is their nose.
8. I’m HUGELY attracted to men with large noses.
9. I won’t talk to a man with a freakishly small nose.
10. I own every single Erasure album despite the fact I don’t enjoy listening to them anymore.
11. I purchase impulsively.
12. I rarely regret my impulsive purchases.
13. I grew up in Germany. MANY people wrongly believe I grew up in Oklahoma City.
14. Animated films keep my attention longer than any other type of film.
15. I believe I am the world’s absolute best driver.
16. I love dogs, but after the two I have now die I will never have another.
17. Even though I know it’s wrong, I have 2 power strips with a total of 16 items plugged into one electrical outlet.
18. The first time I ate seafood was 2 years ago.
19. I absolutely cannot deuce outside of my house.
20. I once went to Canada for a week and didn’t deuce the entire time I was gone.
21. I’m currently addicted to beef enchiladas.
22. I don’t “pleasure read”, though I used to. I think books are dumb.
23. I won a fully restored 1965 Mercedes from the purchase of a $5 raffle ticket.
24. I prefer to drive older cars/motorcycles.
25. If I could convince Jed to downsize everything we have to be able to fit and live in an Airstream trailer, I’d do it in a second.
26. I prefer music from the 80’s over anything that’s played on the radio today.
27. Between 1998 and 1999 I went on 476 dates with 476 different men.
28. I only had sex with two of them.
29. Okay, three.
30. I prefer to do my own automobile maintenance, which may explain why I prefer older vehicles…because new vehicles are impossible to work on without a degree in computer engineering.
31. I cook almost every meal every day.
32. I hate Madonna and Cher and many people use this to question my sexuality.
33. I’m heavier than I’ve ever been in my life, but when I see myself in a mirror, I see myself at my 18 year old weight.
34. I’ve had my left eardrum grafted with pigskin, twice. I have 80% hearing loss, but many people don’t realize it when talking to me.
35. I once threw up in my hand while Jed was driving me home and handed it to him. I was, of course, slightly drunk.
36. I never learned how to swim.
37. I have 4 laptops in my house, 3 of which are mine.
38. I won second place in an “emerging artist” contest in 7th grade and never produced another piece after the contest.
39. I’m terrified of mice and rats.
40. I’m friends with every single person I consider an “ex”. In fact, we often still travel with my exes.
41. In 1988 I survived, almost exclusively, on IHOP’s $1.99 “Grand Slam” breakfast for every meal.
42. I have an unnatural obsession with MS Money.
43. Of ALL the people I’ve dated, I only have one regret for the way things ended.
44. I feel people have lost the ability to communicate effectively in person and it saddens me.
45. I collect patches and squished pennies.
46. I drink an unhealthy amount of coffee and am too embarrassed to even say how much.
47. Last month I fulfilled a life-long fantasy and ate an entire bucket of fried chicken skin.
48. The first year I lived in my current house I refused to hang any sort of window coverings on any of my windows. I “lived in a fishbowl” so that the neighbors could see in and have nothing to gossip about.
49. I think Funyun’s are the world’s best snack, ESPECIALLY if you have cheddar cheese sauce to dunk them in.
50. I think it’s hysterical that so many people read this crap I write but never comment.
51. I’ve had a total of 5 body parts pierced in my life, but don’t have any of the holes filled anymore and wouldn’t do it again if I had a chance to do it all over.
Friday, November 21, 2008
My sister and her family will be coming over to my folks house later in the morning and we’ll be having the family Thanksgiving dinner, rather than waiting for Thursday next week. Following stuffing ourselves like pigs (and the deep frying afterwards) we’re having a bunch of my old Oklahomo friends come over (Jimmy & his boyfriend, Chris and their nephew, Austin; my ex, Steve, and his awesome husband…cuz they’re from California, Danny; my most awesome ex-sister-in-law (Steve’s sister) Shawn and her girlfriend ______ (of the week!). We’re all going to have ANOTHER birthday party for Nate and eat left over turkey dinner and eat some fried pies and cake smothered in Gravy.
The only thing I’m NOT looking forward to is the weather. APPARENTLY it’s only in the 20’s there right now, and that just makes my teeth hurt.
There’s nothing like surrounding yourself with your chosen family. Even IF it has to be in Oklahoma.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
We had the test in class last week. We were given a short story to read and then had to draft an analysis of the story based on the 6 elements of story writing. IMHO, reading sucks balls, and not in a good way. I DO NOT “pleasure read”. I don’t enjoy “pleasure reading”. There was a time when I did, when I didn’t have other obligations, but now I just don’t have the time. My idea of “pleasure reading” is reading manuals of anything. If you want to learn everythinasg you need to know about how to operate, say, a new phone, send me the manual. I LOVE TECHNICAL MANUALS. I HATE BOOKS. (Ironically, I LOVES reading blogs too!!!)
As I was saying. Last week we took the test in class. I can, without much thought, spew a bunch or nonsensical words onto a page and have it make (mostly) sense. So I looked around at the distressed faces in my class; guys tugging on their hair; girls half-crying, as I wrote…and wrote…and wrote. At the end of class I got up and told the prof that I had emailed him MY DRAFT of my paper. I didn’t write it out by hand because: A) I only had two sheets of paper; B) My hand cramps if I write more than my name. I went in last night to review my draft and submit my final copy. I grabbed my folder and made my way to my seat when I noticed written on the paper, “C-test accepted 11/18”. I must say I was quite pleased. I looked over my paper, however, and there were so many elementary errors in the paper that made ME cringe. I honestly don’t know how the paper was accepted, other than, perhaps, he was basing it on my PAST performance? There was a sentence in the paper that read, “The overall theme of the story serves as a warning to out-of-touch suburban parents who think they’re kids…” IDA totally not accepted “they’re” in place of “their”. Another sentence I forgot to use the pluralized “parent’s” instead of “still lived in his parent house”. ELEMETARY MISTAKES. On MY evaluation, the page was peppered with them, but he accepted it nonetheless. For that I am grateful. Just two more papers to write now between yesterday and December 9th!!!
Last week we had our third Algebra test as well. I didn’t think it was that hard. Granted I didn’t blow through it like I had the previous two, but I felt confident when I walked out of the class. As professor hottie britches was handing the papers back last Wednesday he made the comment that he didn’t realize this test he had written was difficult and that people shouldn’t worry about the grades posted at the top of them because he was going to try to find some way to curve the grades, but wasn’t sure how yet. He said that he didn’t want to give folks too much of a credit curve because if they didn’t “get it” then they obviously were going to need some extra help. So I was QUITE SURPRISED when he handed me my test and I had gotten a “95”!!! Apparently the next highest grade was a 72. Monday night someone asked him if he had decided how he was going to curve it yet and he said he hadn’t. He added that “obviously people who scored lower on the test would get more additional points than people who scored higher on the test.” WTF? I don’t understand that. If (F)REDDY SET the curve, shouldn’t I be entitled to the same number of “extra points” as the fucktard(s) who didn’t bother to STUDY? How is that fair to me to give the dumb racist cunt an extra 20 points to get her into the SEVENTY RANGE and not give me the same consideration? I just don’t understand.
In related news, I still hate history and can’t wait for that fucking class to be over. With any luck I’ll EARN a “B”, but I won’t be crying for a curve in it…BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I FUCKING EARNED.
TIGHTEN UP YOUR BRITCHES AND GET READY FOR THE MOST PRECIOUS THING YOU’LL READ TODAY!!!
This morning at the coffee shop Adrian asked for some money so he could get some candy from the gumball machine. I told him I didn’t have any, so he did what any other 4 year old would have done in the same situation. He turned to the owner/barista and said, “Can I have a job”!!! NO KIDDING! I don’t know where that came from, but the kid is too much!
Monday, November 17, 2008
VAN DOH! While chillin’ at the casa yesterday afternoon Adrian asked if he could color. I busted out one of our 20 coloring books and set him at the table with some crayons. While walking around the house doing some chores, I walked past the table Adrian was working at and was really surprised to see his coloring technique. In the past month, he’s gone from indiscernible lines and shapes to actually “staying in the lines” and using some creativity with his style. Here I thought I was going to be cursed with a bunch of shitty squiggly lines hanging on my fridge for the next 19 years, but it looks like my boy MIGHT be starting to develop a little talent???
BYE-BYE, PAW PAW, BYE-BYE: Following a really great weekend with friends and family, we got an early morning phone call this morning from Jed’s mom letting us know that Jed’s grampie died overnight. Paw Paw has been sick for several years. I was fortunate to meet the man when he could still talk. While he was already “losing it” then, he still had some funny things to say and was a joy to talk to. I’m really glad he got to meet the boys while he could still talk to them and tease them. I wish I had gotten an opportunity to meet him back in the day, because I understand he was quite the character. Jed spent a lot of time with his grandmother and grandfather when he was growing up, and if the way Jed turned out is any indication of the character of the man, he done good. Paw Paw will be missed, for sure.
That’s really all I’ve got today. I know I had more to say, but honestly, the brain is just too full right now.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Our sweet little bug is cursed with one of those shitty birthdays. Not nearly as bad as Christmas day, but pretty darned close. Last year his birthday fell ON Thanksgiving day. There were exactly three people here for his second birthday party…me, Jed, and Adrian. We felt like awesome parents that year. Fortunately he wasn’t old enough to realize how bad his party sucked. Jed and I decided we’d start celebrating his birthday on my birthday to be sure folks would be around to help him celebrate. After all, lerd knows I’ve had plenty of times to celebrate over the years, now it’s time to pass the torch.
Today we celebrated our birthdays together. I got to spend my birthday morning sleeping in and was greeted by a fantastic, albeit out of tune, version of “Happy Birthday Daddy” by the boys. THEN, I got my annual supply of socks n’ undies that I ask for ALONG with a pair of super swell Superman pajama bottoms, cuz I rock like that. Then I went to my lil’ neighborhood coffee shop to get my morning Joe. Shortly afterwards Jed’s mom and Aunt Jan came to play with us for the day. We started with a yummy lunch at Amaya’s Taco Village with some hot delicious chicken enchiladas. Then while Yia Yia, Jed and Adrian went shopping for party supplies, Jan and I stayed home while Nathan napped and we watched the UT game.
Late in the afternoon we had a house FULL of friends and extended family come by to celebrate Naterbug’s birthday with pizza and juice (and beer!).
Everyone took turns taking swings at the requisite piñata
Followed by a version of “pin the tail on the donkey” called “stick the nose on the lion”.
Then we ate birthday cake. Our friend Beth made the Elmo cake and I made the strawberry layered chocolate cake with chocolate icing and strawberries on top.
We wrapped the evening up with opening more presents than any 1 three year old would ever need in his life.
I can’t speak for Nathan, but this has been a really fantastic birthday.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Galveston Island, depending on who you ask, doesn’t have much to offer. It’s not a typical “Island Resort” town. It’s true there is a high percentage of poverty in Galveston. Of the 50,000 full-time residents, there’s a huge indigent population of roughly 30-40% (again, depending on who you ask). There’s not much to offer in Galveston. There’s a cruise ship terminal that is operating at a functional 50% level (promised to be 100% by December). There is a spin-off of the Schlitterbahn Waterpark franchise. Moody Gardens/Aquarium. A smattering of WORLD CLASS seafood restaurants (Gaido’s!!!). A beautiful historic district. FANTASTIC turn of the century architecture. UTMB was the islands largest employer, and now they’ve decided to bail…just as the island needs them the most.
Jed and I have differing views on the island. It has everything to do with the fact that he was born and raised there and that his family has been there since the very early 1900’s. I imagine he sees his hometown as everyone else sees the town they grew up in, a “nice place to visit, but wouldn’t want to live there”. Honestly, I’ve never understood this, but feel the same way about Oklahoma City. In fact, I don’t even think Oklahoma City is a nice place to visit!
PJ (Pre-Jed) I had taken a week off of work and rented a house on the beach in Galveston. It was a lovely 2 bedroom/2 bathroom fully furnished house, literally 50 feet from the water. I wonder if it’s still there? I paid $400 for the house for the week. While I was down in Galveston soaking up the sun I started looking through the paper for houses for sale down there. This was 15, or so, years ago, and at the time you could get a beach front home for between $40-60k. Even then the island was struggling. I didn’t want this as a full-time home, rather I wanted it for a place to go to on the weekends. It’s been said that Galveston is “the poor gay man’s Ft. Lauderdale”. There are (were) tons of homos in a very compacted island. Then I met Jed and when I found out he was from Galveston I mentioned to him my plan to buy a weekend house down there. I think he misunderstood me, thinking I wanted to MOVE to Galveston and said that he would never go back there (unless he was visiting) and would never buy a house there. He had very strong feelings/opinions in this regard.
Over the 10 years of being with Jed we’ve watched the island grow and prosper a bit. The $40-60k beach front houses long since gone. Pre-Ike, you couldn’t touch a house with a water view for under $300k. (GOD I WISH I HAD BOUGHT IN THE 90’S!!!) We always enjoyed our trips to the island to play with family, but it never has changed Jed’s mind about his distaste for the island and ever wanting to be a resident of the island. It makes me sad. I think this is why the UTMB thing upsets me more than it does him.
So with the collapse of your primary industry, how does the island recover? I feel like we (as IF I’m a resident!) need to bring back the glory days of the island; make it a resort town that has something to offer people; make it something people WANT to come for. I suggest off-shore gambling. Bring back the glory days of the Balanese Ballroom from the 1940’s. And no, assholes, I never went there back then! The Balanese is legendary in Galveston. Pre-Ike it sat out on a pier 600 feet OVER the gulf. Hollywood legends (Hope, Sinatra, Burns) used to come to the island to party at the Balanese. Back in its heyday they had gambling (sure, illegal!) that drew many people to the island. It’s been said the reason the Balanese stretches 600 feet over the gulf is because they had the gambling rooms in the far back reaches of the pier so that if the police were to raid the ballroom the proprietors would have ample time to hide any evidence of illegal activity before the police could make it down there.
I envision a few “Riverboat” casinos off “the strand” or along the seawall. Or how about some hurricane fortified structures along the dilapidated seawall with huge grand ballrooms where people want to come perform. What is wrong with a little casino action? Worried about “illegal activity” or increased alcoholism or gambling addictions??? HELLO?!? Before Ike 30-40% of the population ALREADY HAD THESE PROBLEMS! At least with casinos you can employee people previously “unskilled” who couldn’t get a job AT THE HOSPITAL. Casinos, by far, employee far more people than a dying hospital. You would HAVE to employ more people to take care of all the visitors who would be flooding the island with tourism dollars. THERE IS NO TOURISM IN GALVESTON right now, TOURISM is the surest way to make sure the island survives.
Unfortunately we live in one of those states, the State of Denial, where the conservatives want to control everything and think gambling would destroy the state. Oklahoma has casinos, and it’s not burning in the fiery pits of hell. It’s still as backwards as it ever was. There’s a flood of money coming in from the Indians operating the casinos allotted for improvements to Oklahoma’s infrastructure. Please Texas Legislature. PLEASE legalize gambling. I’m not saying I’ll participate, but I don’t want to see my beloved Galveston sink off our beautiful coastline.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
While trying to decide between the SMO at The Onion today; the #15 with bacon at the Jimmy John’s today; or a CHEESEBURGER at Hat Creek today, I decided to put it out into the universe on Twitter to let my friends help me decide. I so value the opinion of my (f)ellow (f)atty, Cousin Larry and the (f)ormer (f)atty, Walt, and the never had-a-ounce-of-(f)atty, (F)airy Princess Holly. Walt immediately responded with a cheeseburger, of course. Larry seconded Walt’s emotion. And Holly, the voice of reason, reminded all of us that a burger isn’t a burger without the loving embrace of bacon wrapped around it.
With the plan in mind I marched my (f)at ass down to the corner of Who-gives-a-shit and 6th to visit a new local favorite, Hat Creek Burger Co. I just loves getting food from a trailer. It reminds me of my childhood home…
I ordered the double meat cheeseburger with the “whole garden”, bacon, pepper jack cheese, and a splatter of mayo and ketchup. Hold the drink, please. I’m on a diet.
Walking back to the office my heart pounded with anticipation. Or it could be that it was pounding because it’s increasingly more difficult to get my blood to go through it…
Folks, the picture don’t do the burger any justice. You can’t see the coarse ground black pepper generously sprinkled on the top of the patties. You can barely tell the thickness of the THICK cut bacon. The cheese, DELICHEESIOUS.
CLEARLY I was in heaven.
Thanks y’all for making my lunch fantastic. The only thing that wouldacouldashoulda made it better is y’all had been sitting across the table with me warshin’ down some Lonestars.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I was seriously exhausted when I got home on Friday. The boys and I crashed in front of the idiot box and watched Madagascar in preparations for the sequel this coming Thanksgiving Thursday. I’m really a kid at heart when it comes to my movie watchin’, and I honestly can’t tell you if I enjoyed it more or if the kids did.
Saturday morning we took the kids to the Ben Hur Shriner’s circus here in town with our gay dads group. I never really gave much thought to the treatment of circus animals in the past. I’ve seen folks protesting the Ringling Bros. Circus whenever it comes here and never really quite sure why. The size of the Ben Hur circus put us up close and personal to the action. We were RIGHT in front of the tiger cage. I think there were 8 tigers and one VERY OLD lion in the cage with the “tamers”. The woman in the cage was a complete and total bitch. She was yelling at the tigers and hitting them with her little riding crop in the face. I never wanted to see a tiger attack as much as I did during that performance. I would have LOVED to see them Roy Horn her. There was an elephant there that I absolutely fell in love with. He/she/it was SO adorable. While the tigers and the lion looked miserable, the elephant truly looked like he was happy performing for the crowd. There was a dog trainer/clown that was a bit of a riot. There were token half-dressed chicks/performers that were completely wasted on me. The “high wire” act was lame-o. Honestly, with the exception of that sweet dancing elephant in the first half of the show, the rest of the first half sucked. THE SECOND HALF, however, rocked socks. They had this big steel globe that they put 5 motorcycles in and they were whipping and zooming around each other at such a high rate of speed that I was nervous they were going to crash into each other. Adrian was sitting on my lap as we were watching and asked, “Daddy, can you do that on your motorcycle”. Uh, no. I can’t. They had a human cannonball at the very end of the show that was pretty cool. We REALLY enjoyed the second half of the show. Cotton candy and all.
After the circus I dropped the fam off at the casa and headed to South Austin to help my friend Kay paint her new house. She had shit talked this house and how horrible it was for so long that I was actually surprised how nice it was when I got there. She and her fiancé have a TON of work yet to do, but the place is going to be spankin’ when they get done.
After painting I headed back up north to meet the fam and our friends, Joey & Eddie and their two boys at Serrano’s for dinner. We had the most adorable little waiter boy, lots of good food, and some pretty tasty margaritas. We said our farewells and headed home to get the kids in bed. I could barely keep my eyes open myself (and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the margaritas!). Jed and I finished off a disc of Popular before crashing for the evening.
We did our usual boring Sunday thang…grocery shopping, other shopping, park, etc. Something happened Sunday night that I’m still shocked and horrified with. I BURNED DINNER! Jed doesn’t cook. In fact, I forbid Jed step into the kitchen even to get a glass of water. Yes, Jed fucks up water, folks! So I’ve been cookin’ on the grill 2 decades now. If you live in Texas, it’s pretty much a requirement that you know how to do it and do it well. I was making the same sausage that I’ve been making for 20 years on the same grill that I’ve been grilling for the last 10. I have NO idea what happened, but I’ll be go to hell if I didn’t burn that shit.
Adrian had the day off of school yesterday, so we dropped Nathan off at Daycare and had a day all about Adrian. (YES! I DO IT WITH NATHAN PERIODICALLY TOO!) He went with me to do my weekly Meals-On-Wheels delivery (and loved it), we went and got Jed’s car registered and inspected, we went to the park, we made dinner together, we had a really awesome day.
Hope you had a great weekend yourself…now back to the grind…lerd I’m struggling with this Monday…er, uh, Tuesday!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
When I returned to the casa I asked Jed if he wanted to go to breakfast with me n’ the boys. We decided, after a 10-year hiatus, to take a trip to The Omelettry, a local “favorite”. As the name suggests, they’re pretty famous for their omelettes. I used to really love the place p.j. (Pre-Jed). But Jed doesn’t like omelettes that much, “because they’re too eggy”. Not to mention, the place is cursed with shitty service. But I’ll get to that in a second.
When we were all belted in on the way to The Omelettry, I mentioned to Jed how today’s music all sounds the same to me and I can’t tell “Paper Airplane” from “Can’t wait to see you again”. He said, “there is ONE song I’m a little addicted to right now that I’m ashamed to admit. It’s a little Miley Cyrus-esque.” And I said, “Did you just say you’re a fan of Miley Cyrus?” (Not that I was being judgmental AT ALL) He said, “No. It’s her predecessor”. I asked, “Christian Aguiwhora”? No. Not her… “Brittney Spears?” And he says, “YES!” I slammed on the brakes trying to get him to smash his head into the windshield. I said, “THAT “womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer song?” Seriously folks, that’s all it says. And he got all giddy like a 14-year-old school girl and burst into song. I reminded him that I wasn’t into 14 year-old girls or 17-year old boys, but he just pressed on that it was the “greatest song on the radio today.”
Enough about that.
The Omeletry: I honestly don’t know how this place continues to rank as Austin’s top favorite breakfast stop for the last 25 years. Have we REALLY accepted being treated like shit when we go out to eat? There’s a FEW things The Omeletry does right. But there’s SO much they do wrong. Let’s start with the “right”. The wait to get in isn’t too horrible. 20-minutes, tops, despite the crowd of people out front. Once you get in, the “hostess” is on you like stink on shit. She immediately gets you water, coffee, menus, and what ever else your heart desires. For folks with kids, especially, she plops down a fist full of toys/action figures for the kids to play with at the table. We discovered the reason for this is because the rest of the “service” goes down the shitter in a matter of minutes. This is their attempt to keep the kids settled while waiting, but kids have limits that the restaurant hasn’t figured out yet.
We sat there for the next fourteen minutes waiting for someone to come take our order while watching scores of people who had been waiting outside with us come in, be seated, order, AND GET THEIR FOOD before we even got a chance to order. I had my coffee refilled twice before I finally asked some woman standing nearby if we could possibly get someone to come get our order. It seems, as evidenced from this sign:
that The Omeletry doesn’t assign waitstaff to a table, much less a section. It’s all a “team work” approach (which means the hostess wasn’t really a hostess, rather she was a member of “the team”)! It sounds like it works well, in theory, this whole teamwork concept. But what ends up happening is you have 12 team members circling the restaurant like buzzards not knowing who has taken care of which aspect of the customer experience. You never see the same person twice. IE: The woman who sat us and took our drink order was not the woman who took our order was not the woman who brought us our food…but, ironically, the woman who sat us WAS the woman I had to pay out to. It makes it difficult to decide how much to tip, or whether to tip at all, because you don’t want to leave nothing for the shitty service and you want to reward the folks who DID take care of you.
The food was mediocre at best. Frankly, by the time we got our food (while we watched people seated after us getting their food and finishing it and leaving) I was so pissed that I really couldn’t enjoy it and tell you if it was fantastic or not. If I’m being completely honest, all of our plates were completely empty, so it couldn’t have been horrible…then again, by the time the food got there we were so fucking starving that I would have given a stab at eating pussy at that point. Jed and I agreed in the car on the way home that it’d be another 10 years before we went there again. And then I turned the radio on to be greeted with, “Boy don’t try to hide-d-d I-I know-o ju-ust what you are-r womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer womanizer” while Jed and the boys danced in their seats all the way home.
Friday, November 7, 2008
What Your Love of Snickers Says About You
You are a very popular person. People can always find something about you to like.
You are friendly and approachable. It's easy to feel comfortable around you.
You are lively, playful, and sweet. But you are also substantial too.
No matter what the situation is, you are good company... and the ideal best friend.
“Daddy. One day, when I get big, I going to go to Hook ‘em horns college.”
“Really”, I say, “that’s fantastic.”
“Yeah. And I going to not live in our house anymore. I going to live at college.”
“Oh Adrian. I hope not. That would make daddy very sad if you left me.”
“Daddy, don’t worry. Even if I go to school at Hook ‘em horns, I’m still going to be your baby.”
I swear to god I couldn’t turn to look at him at that moment. He completely reduced me to a sobbing fool with one simple sentence.
He then asked me, “Is that okay if I’m still your baby?”
Yes, Adrian. You’ll ALWAYS be my little boy.
I write this now so that I’ll be able to look back at it when he’s fifteen and has stolen my Jeep and goes all Thelma and Louise on me with the guy or girl he chooses to love at that moment. I want to remember then how sweet he is today. THESE conversations, y’all, are the ones that make being a parent worth every single second of losing your life completely.
I read an article on Towleroad this morning about a petition being circulated to strip the tax-exempt status from the Mormon Church for the role they played in the passage of Proposition 8 in California. If you’re inclined to check out the details, you may do so here. I’m all for “sticking it” to the people who had a hand in this, but folks, the Mormon’s didn’t do this to us alone. There were MANY other groups that helped them raise millions of dollars for the passage of Proposition 8. Why aren’t the folks who have set their sights on the Mormon church up in arms about the Knights of Columbus? They were the second largest contributor to “the cause”. They should have their tax-exempt status stripped as well. What about all the other churches that raised funds and put their names on the list of support? EVERY group that participated in this atrocity should be equally accountable. I guess, though, this is a start. Eh?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Fans of the Foul Monkeys may recall they started their “Diarrhea” skits about a month ago. That very day, as I sat in my office listening to Ricky laughing about “slidin’ into third…”, I sharted. There. I said it. I was sitting in my chair, at the office, and I shit my pants. For real. I ain’t proud. But I figure I’m not the first person that’s happened to either. (F)REDDY SHIT HIS PANTS AT WORK. There.
I sent an instant message to the ex-wife (and current co-worker) and told her what had happened and that I was going to run home if anyone was looking for me. Once more that evening I thought I was going to fart and I shat down my leg. I was terrified for the rest of the night of the slightest pressure on my gut.
The squirts lasted for a good two and a half days. While it was nice to have a little mindcation from the office, sitting on the toilet for 72 hours wasn’t what I had in mind. But I got some quality me time, even if it was limited to a 60 square foot bathroom space. As soon as I started feeling better below the waist, I started getting a throbbing pressure in my head. I’ve had a LIFETIME history of ear problems. I’ve had a tympanoplasty on my left ear, twice. (Basically, they cut behind your ear, pull your ear down to your nipple line, take a piece of pig skin and graft it to your eardrum to seal any holes, then they replace your ear.) I’ve had so many ear infections in my left ear that I don’t even feel the build of up pressure in that ear anymore. In fact, I can barely even hear out of that ear. So when it happens to my right ear, it’s a very big deal. I immediately called my ENT (cuz I don’t wanna be deaf just yet) and get into his office. He starts me on my usual regiment of cleaning with peroxide/water solution and ear drops. I have to do this four times a day for 7 days. About day number 4 the kids start asking me what the hell I’m doing and I explain to them that I’m putting medicine in my ears cuz they’re sick. To which Adrian replies, “Daddy, you teasing me. Medicine don’t go in your ears, it go in your belly.” About day number 6 Nate is walking around the house tugging on HIS ears saying, “OWWWIE”. His daycare ladies start telling me that he’s been “telling” them for a few days that his ears hurt.
Now, my understanding was that ear infections ain’t contagious. It’s not like herpes or anything. BUT I take ear infections very seriously because of my history. So Jed takes the kid to the doctor and the doctor looks in his ears and says that everything in there in normal, healthy, pink, and the way it’s supposed to be. The little bastard was just mocking me…and I’ll deal with him later.
The NEXT day Jed and I BOTH get the squirts/nausea. Let me tell you. When you have the upward pressure of stuff coming up from your stomach the LAST THING you want when you’re on your knees in the bathroom is a downward pressure from the opposite direction. Those were the worst two days of my life. (Not to mention, Foul Monkeys CONTINUED to laugh about diarrhea on their show!)
As soon as that was over ADRIAN starts the coughing and the night-sweats. WTF? So for the last two days I’ve been listening to him cough through his sleeping. The weird thing about it is when he wants to go outside and I tell him he can’t cuz he’s sick he says, “Daddy, I ain’t sick” and the coughing stops! But then he wants “medicine” (cuz he loves the taste of it)…but he has no appetite…but he wants candy cuz “it make me feel better”. I can’t tell if he’s playing with me or if he’s really sick. So yesterday NATHAN starts coughing. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I picked him up from daycare this morning and ran him to the doctor’s office. I told them the daycare had reported that he was “listless” yesterday and coughed all day and that he coughed through the night as well. I also mentioned that he felt “warm” to me, but that I didn’t have a thermometer (had to throw it away after the diarrhea incident) to know for sure if he had a temperature. The very first thing they do is take his temperature. Nothing. Nadda. He’s a vampire. Not only does he not have a fever, he doesn’t have a temperature. Next they have me get him undressed so the doctor can look at him. THE VERY SECOND I take his clothes off and set him up on the table the kid bursts into song, starts laughing, playing, having a great time…and there isn’t a single fucking “cough”. The doctor comes in and I explain to him why we’re there, again, after just seeing him FIVE DAYS AGO. He starts looking him over. Puts the stethoscope on his tits and asks him to cough. Nothing. No coughing. Clear chest. Nadda. Doc says he can’t find anything wrong with him and asks me if I’m “crazy”. Well, duh. So I start getting Nate dressed and as the doctor is walking out of the room and shutting the door…”cough, cough, cough”. THANK DOG the doc hadn’t shut the door yet and actually heard it. He came back in and asked me to take Nate’s shirt off again. He gets his stethoscope out again and listens to his chest again and…NOTHING. I get Nate dressed one more time and the doc doesn’t understand what’s going on. Nate lets out a couple more coughs and the doc just writes me a script for some antibiotics. He says, “I don’t know if he needs this or not, but I sure as hell don’t want to see y’all here again in five days!”
We’re house full of sickos. I don’t know if it’s the weather change(s), the on-ing and off-ing of the A/C and heaters, or what. But I’m tired of oozing from every orifice. What’s more, I’M TIRED OF CLEANING UP OOZING ORIFY!
Hope y’all are feeling well. Drink lots of juice.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
As of this morning there are now TWENTY NINE states with constitutional amendments “defining marriage”. And most likely, by the end of the day there will be thirty. What’s more, in Arkansas, the people have spoken and have said that straight people make better parents than gay parents. Do you think that’s something to celebrate?
Perhaps in another 221 years there will be another momentous occasion worth celebrating. But for now, all of us faggots are still second class citizens. And nothing more.