For all you lurkers out there, Merry Christmas

I see in my little tracker that I’m officially an international internet celebrity ala Big Fatty! I see London, I see France. I see some other countries I’ve seen their costumes on the Olympics, but have no idea where they are. Welcome y’all. Or as they say in my country, Howdy.

I don’t want to leave anyone out on the Christmas photo card fun, but I’m also not making as much this year as I was last year and can’t afford to send all 3.6 million of you a hand-stamped card. I’ll get to the cheesy holiday greeting card towards the end to encourage you to keep reading along.

Over the turkey slaughter holiday we road tripped down to G-Town to spend time with the family. While there we stopped by Moody Gardens to hit the Festival of Lights. During the 5 mile loop some woman jumped out of the bushes and snapped our family photo in a no-horse open sleigh.



We were given warning in advance that Adrian was making clown face, so I wasn’t expecting too much from the photo. When I ran into the lobby to check out the picture, I saw the jolly fat man (NOT to be confused with Big Fatty) sitting in his chair, surrounded by his elves, and ABSOLUTELY no line! I ran back outside and grabbed the fam. As you can see in this picture, ADRIAN’S is mostly normal while others in the photo thought it was Halloween.



A few weeks ago Jed comes home and says, “Did you know Nathan’s school had school pictures last week? Of course I didn’t. Jed hands me the form from the school and it’s a flier from some company that specializing these “increasingly popular” style of photos where they dress the kids in old-timey clothes and put them in front of an “attic” type backdrop and take old timey pictures. So I asked Jed what Nathan was wearing that day and he tells me he was in his ACLMF t-shirt. I love being able to plan in advance like that.

We received some information from the school that the company taking pictures was giving free pictures to all families that showed up to view them and hear about their package options. So Jed runs up there and listens to the presentation and gets our free pictures. He brings home the information about the packages and I almost shit my pants. There was actually a package for $360. FOR KINDERGARTEN PICTURES. The cheapest package was $60. Needless to say, we didn’t buy any. Not only because they were hella expensive, but THESE WERE THE PICTURES!

BEFORE I POST IT, what the ever loving fuck? WHO in their right mind thought, “It’ll be cute to put him in a pair of overalls with no shirt on and take a picture of him in front of an attic scene?”



Even worse, apparently they decided to make Christmas cards available as an option (free and for a fee), they gave us 6 of these Christmas cards using the same photo. Because nothing says, “Christmas” like, “Son, you sure got a pretty mouth.”



Happy Holidays, y’all. For real.

3 down, 1 to go!

So it’s late, I’m tired beat to shit, but I’ve just completed and submitted my third final for this semester.  I have one more on Saturday morning that I’ll have to take in person.  I actually showed up to my ConLaw class tonight to sit for the final, but Prof. Bradshaw “surprised” everyone by announcing he was giving us our final to take home with us to work on and submit on line.  The “good news” was that it was open book, open note, open to calling any Supreme Court Justices you may have in your “Faves” (on your T-Mobile network)…the “bad news” was there were only two questions.  So you can either do REALLY REALLY POORLY, or REALLY REALLY POORLY on the final. 

 

The materials that he handed out consisted of three questions.  The first two questions were hypothetical scenarios and we had to pick one of the two and discuss how they violated or supported the 14^th Amendment and the due process and equal protection of the law.  The scenarios, literally, were 4 pages of information that you had to digest and then write a point/counter-point analysis in support of your argument.  (Have I put you to sleep yet?  Cuz I’M STILL AWAKE!)

 

I won’t bore you with my analysis of scenario number 1.  Cuz it was mostly serious.  Question number 3, however, was mandatory.  We were to pick one of the 300 cases we’ve digested and studied in class over the last 16 weeks where we approved or appreciated the Supreme Court’s decision and talk about why.  This is, word for word, what I wrote (YES, the items below, in parenthesis, were actually cut and pasted from my submission!):  (***A quick side-note about “my credit worthy peeps”.  There was a heated debate over the issue of gay rights in one of the classes wherein one of the participants spewed some random “well-known fact” that all gay people have excellent credit”  No, seriously, he said that.)

 

In re Romer v. Evans (and subsequently Plessy v. Ferguson):

 

I picked this case as the one I “enjoyed” or “liked” because it clearly effects me, my family, and my credit-worthy peeps.  As a refresher, R v. E was a 1992 case in which the Colorado voters adopted Amendment 2 to their constitution, a statewide referendum prohibiting any state entity from including sexual orientation in any of their antidiscrimination laws.  The TC granted a preliminary injunction to stay enforcement.  The decision was appealed to the Supreme Court of Colorado.  That court sustained the injunction and it was appealed to the US Supreme Court who upheld the judgment of the lower court. 

 

Justice Kennedy, delivering the opinion, refers to Plessy v. Ferguson:

 

One century ago, the first Justice Harlan admonished this Court that the Constitution ‘neither knows nor tolerates classes among citizens…(dissenting opinion).  Unheeded then, those words now are understood to state a commitment to the law’s neutrality where the rights of a person are at stake.  The Equal Protection Clause enforces this principle and today requires us to hold invalid a provision of Colorado’s Constitution.

 

(Premature gay scream)

 

I wish I could be more optimistic like you, Bradshaw, about the future of my rights.  While I still, strongly, disagree with you about our pending “turning point”, it’s cases like these that let me see the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel”.  However, as the proverb goes, “sometimes that light is the front of the train”.

 

This case was in 1996, and since that time our country, as a whole, has taken 1-step forward, and 2-steps back.  The beautifully written opinion, here, gives me (or gave me) hope for a rose-colored future.  But the continuation of States adding Constitutional Amendments up for a popular vote and watching my family’s rights get stripped away one-by-one make that rose look a little wilted. 

 

The opinion of the court, in fact, wasn’t at all reflective of the “changing of the guard”.  Rather is upheld the lower court’s decision strictly based on the asinine way the Amendment was written.  It wasn’t, at all, based on principal, rather it was based on some idiot not having a grammar checker on his damn computer.  “The State’s principal argument in defense of Amendment 2 is that it puts gays and lesbians in the same position as all other persons.  So, the State says, the measure does no more than deny homosexuals special rights”. 

 

“The Fourteenth Amendment’s promise that no person shall be denied the equal protection of the laws must coexist with the practical necessity that most legislation classifies for one purpose or another, with resulting disadvantage to various groups or persons”.    The Court attempted to reconcile that principal with the reality by stating, “if a law neither burdens a fundamental right nor targets a suspect class, [they] would uphold the legislative classification so long as it bears a rational relation to some legitimate end.” 

 

[Gay scream]

 

Ultimately the Court ruled, a State cannot so deem a class of persons a stranger to its laws.  Amendment 2 violate[d] the Equal Protection Clause.

 

[Gay hand clap]

 

Justice Scalia, writing the dissent (can suck my gay balls) if he firmly believes that Amendment 2 was a “reasonable provision” which did not disfavor homosexuals in a substantive sense, only “merely denying them ‘preferential treatment’.   And yes, while I would prefer not to be fired for being gay and I would prefer not to have to worry about what’s going to happen to my partner, house, and children when I die from writing this paper, I don’t really feel like they “got it” with this case.  It wasn’t based on changing opinions of a class of people, this case was strictly “won” on a technicality.

 

Nonetheless, I liked the outcome, only if it confounded and pissed off a bunch of Republicans for 2 years until they could get it back on the ballot.

 

So, Bradshaw, I do appreciate your enthusiasm for my peeps.  IF I’m proven wrong and you’re right about the changes a comin’, you’ll be the first person I call to ask to be in my fabulous gay wedding.  Of course you’ll have to wear a leather harness, but I can hook you up.  You won’t have to buy one on your own!

 

Seriously, can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed your class(es).  You’re a unique character, and I’m glad to have you on my side.

Gosh, folks.  I hope I get an A.

At the end...

OF NOVEMBER

I had every intention of doing a full-month worth of blogs to prove to Walt that I did, in fact, like to write.  I had to give up shortly before Fredmas eve because the folks came to town for a wonderful weekend of birthday celebrations (which included muh mommy’s, mine, Nathans, and Jed’s).  I simply couldn’t find a single minute in the day(s) to sit down and jot down a simple thought.  Work kept me busy during the day, school and the boys kept me busy in the evenings.  The following weekend Yai Yai came to town to celebrate Nathan’s birthday and I, again, found myself trying to find a second to breathe.  The visit with Yai Yai was a blast.  We got to take the boys to see the Longhorns play some team from up north.  Truth be told, I can’t even remember at this point because of the whirlwind of activity.  The very next weekend (this past weekend) we found ourselves in the car heading to Galveston for Thanksgiving.

 

OF I-45

We had a wonderful time in the gulf city, as always.  We arrived early Thursday morning, just in time to hop in the car again to head over to Jim and Carol’s for Thanksgiving dinner.  There was lots of family and friends.  The food was to die for.  There was not only turkey, but ham, pork roast, all the trimmings.  By my fourth plate of food I had to have Jed help me out of the chair.  There was a brief moment of excitement when baby Luke fell into the pool and Derek had to dive in after him.  I was just thankful it wasn’t one of my kids, cuz I had my good boots on.  We ate so much at lunch on Thursday that we didn’t eat for the rest of the day.

 

Friday morning Aunt Jan woke up at 4 to go “Black Friday” shopping with me.  The shopping excursion started off a bit of a bust…the first place we went to sold out of the main item we went for (I CAN’T TELL YOU, CUZ PEOPLE READ MUH BLOG!) and another item I went for, DESPITE BEING ADVERTISED IN THE HOLIDAY FLIER wasn’t carried by the store because they “don’t support T-Mobile anymore”.  I asked why they had it in their flier if they weren’t selling it and I never got a good answer.  We went to Wal-Mart next, where some filthy whore stole some items that I had picked up to buy when I set them down BY MY FEET to look through a bin of pajamas to find the right size.  Now, mind you, the items weren’t even anything good.  It was two board games for the boys.  But some lazy, fat, low-income, filthy whore was too fucking lazy to walk her lazy, fat, low-income, filthy whore ass pussy to the toy section and pick up her own games.  I fucking hate Wal-Mart and lazy, fat, low-income, filthy fucking, chlamydia dripping pussy, whores.

 

That morning we hit (in order) Sam’s, Wal-Mart, Game Stop, Best Buy, J.C. Pennys, Lowe’s, Target, Game Stop, Target, and T-Mobile (because Sam’s, DESPITE ADVERSTISING T-MOBILE PRODUCTS NO LONGER SUPPORTS T-MOBILE).  We had put in a full-days worth of work by 9 and were ready for a hearty breakfast.  We met up with the fam at El Gusto’s for lunch and then I went to Jan’s house to put together/fix everything we had just spent the morning shopping for.  Then I went home to Yai Yai’s to take a much needed nap.

 

That evening we all met up at Gino’s for a delicious dinner before heading over to Moody Gardens to see the Festival of lights and talk to Santa.  The boys are hopeful they’ve been good enough to get a visit from the old fat guy this year…but I aizn’t so sure about that!

 

We wrapped up our visit Saturday morning with breakfast at my favorite Island restaurant, Sunflower before loading up and heading back to Austin. 

 

OF MY ROPE

I woke up at 4 this morning filled with dread and anxiety about the remainder of the year.  I have so much to do, yo, and I really don’t know how or even if I’m going to be able to get it all done.  I’m awesome and amazing at prioritizing, but everything I have, really, is a priority at this point.  In no particular order:

·         I have two major projects at work that, really, should have been done last week.

·         I have to decorate the house for Christmas with the boys today.

·         I have an appointment with all of Nathan’s therapists at school on 12/1.

·         I have a final drafting assignment due 12/5.

·         I have a birthday party that Adrian has to go to 12/6.

·         I have my final exam in Texas State and Local Government due 12/7.

·         I have my final exam in another one of my classes due 12/11.

·         Two more final exams that same week (now that I think of it).

·         I have to do all my effing Christmas shopping.

·         I have my work Christmas party.

·         I have to make sure my children are happy and well-adjusted.

·         I have to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do with them while they’re out of school for the “winter break” which seems like the entire month of December and half of January.

·         I have to help plan and facilitate Adrian’s school “winter party”.

·         I have to drive to the Oklahomas for the holidays.

·         I’ll have to, at some point, pay some bills, do the grocery shopping, mow the yard, exercise, and take Jed’s fucking car to the fucking tire shop and have a fucking nail pulled out of the fucking new tire(s) that I had to fucking by in fucking Galveston this weekend because I had a fucking blow out (I forgot to mention that above, didn’t I?).

 

I feel like I’m at the end of my rope, but at the same time I love this time of year being reminded of how thankful I am that I have two wonderful kids, a wonderful finger puppet, lots of great family, and two stinky dogs.

 

I may be silent for the next two weeks (you should be used to it by now!), but I’ll drop in when I can.  Hope y’all had an amazing Thanksgiving.

On the twelfth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

WEIGHT LOSS

Thursday night can only mean one thing, the weekly weigh in.  I hit the scale at 187.6 tonight, which was another 1.6 pound loss.  So it appears that I’m slowing down on my weight loss, and that’s okay.  My ultimate goal, despite what I jokingly said earlier (that not one of you commented on!), is 175 pounds (NOT 140, as I previously stated!).  175 will be a few ounces over a 50 pound loss, and I thinks that mo plenty. 

 

PROJECT RUNWAY

I want to date Tim Gun.  He looks hot in a suit and apron.  

 

WTF?

Can anyone tell me the secret to making soup in the crock pot that has potatoes in it and it cooks for over 8 hours?  This is the second time that I’ve made a soup (last night was vegetable beef) that the potatoes aren’t cook, at all.  Everything else is cooked, but the taters are hard as a rock.  WTF?

 

MORE, GIMMEE MORE

I wish I could, but the folks are coming tomorrow and I’ve got to get my house clean. 

On the eleventh day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

A BAPTISM BY FIRE

I seriously underestimated the number of things I would be able to get done while going back to work.  I think I may need to hire an assistant.  Any takers?

 

WORST FATHER OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO…

My baby boy’s 4^th birthday is coming us so very quickly and I have COMPLETELY dropped the ball.  I may add this responsibility to my new assistant.  My folks are coming down this weekend expecting to celebrate his birthday with him and I have AB.SO.LUTELY nothing planned.  I’m a dick.

 

THE SHORTEST SOCCER SEASON, EVER

I can’t believe we’ve already finished Adrian’s first soccer season.  Okay, not technically, yet…but he’s only got two more games before the season is over.  He’s done amazingly well.  He LOVES soccer.  I can’t tell if he actually digs the game or is more into the uniform.  But he loves it.  Hopefully next season’s practices are later in the afternoon so I can take him again.  As it stands right now, I’ve lost the ability to take him.  The downside to a later practice is it’s so dark outside by 530 right now.  His team, literally, practices in the dark…which may explain why they seem to be so good!

 

CONSTITUTIONAL LAW

I’m sitting in my Con Law class right now, on break, of course, having just listened to a very brief discussion on the Equal Protection clause as it could potentially “change” the face of gay rights.  I’m a bit disappointed, frankly, because we were promised an “extensive” discussion on gay rights and it amounted to a whopping 7 minute discussion.  We’ve had a 9-hour discussion on racial inequalities, gay rights get a whopping SEVEN FUCKING MINUTES.  Maybe he’ll pick it up again after the break?  I’ll report back tomorrow. 

On the tenth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

OLD HOUSES TRULY DO SUCK BALLS

I’ve always had a pet peeve relating to businesses who take fabulous old houses near the centers of downtowns and turn them into businesses.  In hindsight, it may have been a little bit of jealousy that I couldn’t afford one and wished I could be working in one?  Now that I’m working in one, I can tell you, they truly do suck balls.  And not in a good way.

 

My second day on the job, and I’m having issue with the location.  Not enough of an issue that it’s going to be a deal killer for me, but an issue nonetheless.  So my new office is in an old two bedroom one bathroom house smack dab in the middle of downtown.  The former living room is now the reception area; the former dining room is now a conference room/office space for the junior associate; one of the bedrooms is one of the “adult” lawyer’s office; the other bedroom is the other adult lawyer’s office.  My office is located off the back of the ORIGINAL kitchen of the house, what I imagine, at one time, was the laundry room.  The washer and dryer have been removed.  My issue is with THE BATHROOM.  The firm has the original 1940’s bathroom, it’s been upgraded with new tile and fresh paint over the years.  It still has its original (working) tub.  It’s clean.  It doesn’t look as shitty as MY 1940’s bathroom. 

 

While I have an enormous bladder stem, I have a microscopic bladder.  And I’ve had to rethink my coffee intake.  My first day on the job I peed no fewer than 20 times in a two hour period.  I’m sure I made quite the first impression.  And every time I have to go to the bathroom, I have to clomp through the old house, on the hard wood floors, with my big heavy steel-toed boots…basically announcing to EVERYONE in the office, “Hey, Frederick’s going to the can…again.”  Heaven help me the day I ever have to pooh. 

 

For those who don’t know, the first year I knew Jed I made him go outside of my house whenever I had to pooh.  I have issues.  There were days that he said, “But we’re under a tornado watch…” and I just shrugged my shoulders and told him I didn’t care.  I had to pooh and couldn’t have anyone in the house while I did it.  I’ve lightened up, a bit, since having kids…but I’m trying to think of a polite way to ask my new co-workers if they’d mind stepping outside of the office in the event I have an emergency. 

 

Next time you find yourself bitter about those old houses, count your blessings.

On the ninth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

A BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT

To my mommy.  Yes, folks, the woman who spit me out her vajayjay periodically reads my blog from time to time.  She says it saves her money on a perm, cuz what she sees and reads periodically curls her hair.  Muh mommy had a birthday today, and to quote Adrian, “DAYUHM WOMAN!  SIXTY-THREE?  That’s Oooooold”.  We started the day off with a call to granny, Adrian singing “Happy Birthday to daddy’s mommy” and then counting ALL.THE.WAY. to 63!

 

A JOB OF THE NON-BLOW VARIETY

Today was the first day on the job, and it was your typical first day at a law firm.  The first 3 hours were spent trying to get access to the computra network, mixed in with a little “this is what we expect from ya”, and a little bit of “this is what I expect from the y’all”.  I’ve being granted quite a bit of responsibility in my new digs.  I’ve even been given a key to the office.  After lunch, I was thrown full-on into the fiery pits of hell with a gaggle of tasks, which I barely finished before daycare closed.  But it was so nice to be busy, productive, needed, and appreciated again.  I don’t like the fact that I’m not getting home until after dark again, and missing out on some quality afternoon kid-time, but we’ll work something out!  I may need to adjust the boys sleepy time schedules to accommodate my need for squeals of delight, and crazy mad games of chutes and ladders.

 

TURKEY CHILI

Knowing full well I wouldn’t be home in time to make dinner for the family, I dusted off my crock pot and pulled out some old favorite recipes so I wouldn’t have to mess with dinner when I got home.  I made a delicious pot of turkey chili.  It was so good, in fact, I didn’t even have to force feed the kids.  Of course that could have had something to do with the fact that it was 2 hours after our “normal” dinner time, but…  Dear BESSIE, do I love my crock pot!  Got any recipes you care to throw at me?

On the eighth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

ASTROBOY (***SPOILER ALERT)

I wanted to give Jed a break today, so he could study, and decided to take the boys to a movie.  They’ve been asking to see “Astroboy” sine McDonald’s switched out their toy give-a-ways in their Happy Meals this month.  The previews looked cute enough.  I felt like it was going to be a modern day version of Pinocchio.  The beginning of the movie caught me a little off-guard.  Cuz I thought Astroboy was a robot and was surprised to see that he was already a “real boy”…a real boy who dies in a horrible industrial accident while he’s trying to get his workaholic douche nozzle dad’s attention.  That was BIG fun explaining to Adrian in the theater.  Following the death of his son, douche nozzle feels like a dick and decides to build a robot version of his son to make up for being a shitty father and relieve some of his guilt.  Except for the sobbing at the beginning, Adrian actually enjoyed most of the rest of the movie.  Nathan never stopped sobbing.  Fun times.

 

KERBEY LANE

We said our farewells to Amy this morning after a delicious breakfast at Kerbey Lane.  We ended up having to go to the location on the drag this morning because there was a 3 hour wait at the Kerbey Lane location.  The drag location kind of skeeves me out a bit.  Perhaps it’s because I obsessively watch KVUE’s “Food For Thought” segment and have seen that location on it twice when they’ve failed their city health inspections.

 

SLACKER

I have NO idea what to do for Nathan’s birthday this year.  My folks are coming down next weekend to celebrate his birthday and may be expecting some time of party…but I’ve not planned anything and have no idea what to do.  Suggestions?  He’ll be four, so strippers are definitely out this year.

On the seventh day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

WURSTFEST!
We had to skip the fabulous 10-day Salute to beer and sausage last year, but we made up for it this year! Yes, sir! We hit Wurstfest 2009 this weekend and had a super fantastic time.



For starters, when planning our little weekend, Jed asked if I had talked to our Amy about going with us. Huh?!? I hadn’t thought about it, but no sooner had the question mark been placed at the end of his sentence I had her on the speed dial asking her if she wanted to join us. She jumped at the chance to see me down a bratwurst and drove all the way up from Houston to play with us for the day.

Amy mentioned on the way into the festival that one of the main reasons she wanted to come with us is that she “so loved the picture of me deep-throating a bratwurst” from Wurstfest 2007 and she wanted to be part of that magic. I had to oblige.



And she returned the favor…



We had so much fabulous food (in no particular order)…


The Wurstcone


The funnel Cake


The beer


Did I mention the beer?

Amy and I danced like mad fiends to “Roll Out The Barrell”



SERIOUSLY.MAD.FIENDS



Adrian and daddy got to ride the Ferris wheel while Nathan, Poppa, and Amy got to ride the carousel. Amy even found someone she wanted to date!



It was such a super fantastic family fun day.



Both Amy and I even found some Wurstfest schwag!!!



I HAD to have this!



It even looks better from behind!



The weather was great, the food and beer was delicious, and we couldn’t have asked for better company. More pictures of the day follow, hope you enjoy.

On the sixth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

A POWER NAP

I took my last nap of unemployment today and woke up feeling refreshed and anxious about the amount of things that I could have gotten done over the last 7 months, but didn’t.  The good news is, now I’m making money again and can afford to pay someone to do it for me! 

 

DINNER AT SAGO

One of our new favorite places to eat here in town is Sago.  DELICIOUS “modern Mexican”.  We went tonight for a celebratory dinner of margaritas, brisket quesadillas, shrimp salad, and hot dogs.  I love the fact that, before 8, everything on the menu is so dirt cheap.  For all we got tonight, we didn’t spend a whole lot.  It was worth every.single.penny.

 

FAMILY

I’m reminded tonight of how truly grateful I am for my wonderful family, and my friends who are my family.  We’ve had a tremendous amount of support over the last 7 months from so many people that I couldn’t possibly thank everyone enough for all they mean to me.  When you come from having so much to having “nothing”, you realize how much you really do have in life and how little you really need to maintain a wonderful quality of life when you have so many awesome people to share your life with you.  Take a moment to sit back and count your many blessings.  (And that’s not just the two margaritas talking…or maybe it is!)

On the fifth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

A JOB!

Looks like my very long, unpaid, vacation is over.  I was offered a job today for a small local firm.  I’m really thrilled.  I feel like it’s going to be a great learning experience for me. 

 

A POUND

So I’ve had better weight loss weeks.  I gained a pound this week, and I’m okay with it.  I’ve still lost 38 pounds, therefore I’m still better off today than I was in August.  Truth be told, I didn’t get nearly as much exercise this week as I have in weeks past.  I was a hair lazy this past week, I’ll get back on it next week.  I guarantee you I won’t be up again next week.

 

A PLAN

The folks are coming to AusTex next weekend to have  a blow-out family birthday party.  My mommy’s birthday is Monday, mine is on the 15^th, Nates is on the 22^nd, and the Boo’s is on the 3^rd of December.  Good night, nurse!  We have a whole lotta birthdays coming up.

On the fourth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

HAIR-PEAZ

This shit’s for the birds man.  The tale-tell signs of the itchy lip means the blister is a coming.  Nothing builds your self-esteem more than unemployment and mouth herpes.  Or “fever blister”, or whatever.

 

HAIR-PEACE

I got a much needed haircut today.  GOOD GOD do I feel human again.  It was a bit embarrassing being seen out in public with the weave I had on my head and I grew tired of telling people that it was for our Halloween costume.  It was folks.  I didn’t make that up!  I had to be a young, hot Luke Skywalker.  At least I was hot.  But the 70’s hair just about killed me.  I was really pleased with the clipping I got today.  Granted it wasn’t from the BFF, Jimmy, but it was the best I could do in a lurch.  The woman who cut my hair, coincidentally, is the mother of one of Adrian’s classmates.  It’s a small, small world.

 

MAINE IS OFF THE TABLE

A sad, sad day for marriage “equality” in Maine.  I love that the folks defend “traditional marriage” don’t seem to mind the mockery celebritauntes like Britney and Pamela make out of the institution of marriage.  I suppose, as long as your straight, marriage to multiple folks (as long as it’s one at a time) is a’ight and in the vein of “traditionalism”.  Whatever.  Fuck you, the majority, who would vote on the rights of the minority. 

On the third day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

RITES OF PASSAGE

I don’t know why, but I love this picture, hard. Jed and I discussed a possible retake, but I think we have to keep it. It’s a requirement, right? To have these pictures to look back on when we’re older? It cracks me up, because I know this isn’t his smile, I know this isn’t his hair. I don’t know, exactly, what happened when this picture was taken but I loves it.

RITES OF PASSAGE, PAR DEAUX

While on the subject of Adrian and awkwardness, I had the following conversation with him last week:

ADRIAN: Daddy, I have a girlfriend

Freddy: YOU DO?!? That’s fantastic. Tell me all about her.

ADRIAN: It’s Amanda. You know Amanda.

Freddy: SOLID CHOICE ADRIAN! She’s a looker. What makes her your girlfriend?

ADRIAN: She mouth kisses me.

Freddy: WHAT?!?

ADRIAN: She mouth kisses me.

Freddy: Ummm, what does that mean exactly?

ADRIAN: DADDY! YOU know. She MOUTH KISSES ME.

I’m so not ready for this conversation. The good news is we may have given proof to the whole nurture v. nature debate? I mean, I know there’s a few years left to be certain, but I think we’re on a good roll!

0300

THAT’S WHAT TIME NATHAN GOT UP THIS MORNING. THREE IN THE MORNING. I’m only slightly bitter.

VOTER ID

I’m enrolled in a Texas State and Local Government class this semester and am doing it on-line rather than sitting in class EVERY night of the week. As part of the on-line course, I’m required to participate in a minimum of 2 “discussion groups”. Each week the Prof posts a question relating to Texas politics on-line and the class participants are supposed to discuss it. The directions for the discussion board reads as follows:

“…You must reply in a reasoned way, either in response to the forum question itself or in response to something one of your classmates has posted. ‘Reasoned’ means you’ve thought about the question and present your ideas in a coherent fashion…”

With that in mind, yesterday I logged on to participate in the Unit II discussion on voting history of Texans. This was the question, as posed:

In the most recent Texas Legislative session a bill was considered but not passed to require a photo ID in order to vote. Republicans argued that positive identification was necessary to protect against fraud, especially voting by illegal immigrants. Democrats argued its purpose was to intimidate and discourage voting, especially among the poor, minorities, and the elderly (people least likely to have photo ID's & more likely to vote Democrat). Should it be required that people produce positive identification in order to vote? It’s a fairly simple question, right? Here’s was my “reasoned” response (agree or disagree, I really don’t give a shit. I’m not putting it out here for a debate): The issue of voter ID is just another smoke screen being blown up by the legislature to keep from working on real issues. It’s another method of mobilizing their base, nothing more than a scare tactic to get people out to the polls to vote for them and keep them in office so they can keep working on absolutely nothing. Much like “the gays are going to indoctrinate your children if we allow them to legitimize their relationships”, the fear of “aliens” attacking the very nature of our culture and statehood is a brilliant way to get sheep to the voting booths. Where is the evidence of voter fraud? Why is an ID necessary? The Republicans have already seized control and flexed their dominant muscle. They’re certainly not proposing an ID to keep their voting population away from the polls. I’ve not seen any evidence of long lines of “natives” lurking outside of any polling location in recent elections. The book very clearly states that Texas has an abysmal, shameful, ridiculously low voter turn-out rate to begin with. Are those of you advocating support of a voter ID bill seriously PROUD of a 36.2 – 45.6% voter turn-out rates (p. 74) for our state and national elections? Do you enjoy being SECOND only to Louisiana in THE LOWEST NATIONAL AVERAGE VOTING POPULATION? We do NOT need to further hinder access to the voting booths. We should be ashamed of our legislatures for preying on the fear of the voters of Texas, as well as the scare tactics they’re using to keep legitimate voters away from the polls by clouding the REAL ISSUES with this nonsensical talk about IDs. Otherwise, I really don’t have an opinion one way or the other. Here are two of the other “reasoned” responses to the same question that I found humorous (cut n’ pasted with typos and all): I think that if people take the time to go to the polls and vote they should be allowed to vote. I wonder how low voter turn out would be if the the elderly and immigrants did not vote.All of the registered voters in Texas don't vote so if we take away those that do hit the polls because they don't have I.D. will that make things better? Umm, isn’t this just a restatement of the original question? And (muh favorite) It should be required that people produce positive I.D in order to vote. I don't understand how someone would be intimidated to produce an I.D unless they were either hiding from someone, or guilty. It should be required that people produce positive I.D in order to vote. I don't understand how someone would be intimidated to produce an I.D unless they were either hiding from someone, or guilty. I believe carrying a photo I.D. is a responsible thing to do, and elderly should be very aware of this. This is for the well being of a lot of people. If their is an accident or injury, they can readily be identified. Fantastic. If she’da mentioned the elderly and pre-cog injured should wear clean underwear in the event of an accident, this would be sound and ‘reasoned’ advice. Perhaps I put too much thought into it? While on the subject of Texas State & Local Government, there’s a one-sentence statement in the book: “Tolerance of Gay and Lesbian lifestyle in Texas is improving”. On the publisher’s website on their on-line practice tests there is a T/F question, “Gays and Lesbian in Texas are seeing an increase in tolerance”. Knowing the truth, I answered “False” (as I’ve watched my rights to have a legitimized relationship constitutionally stripped away from me) and wasn’t shocked to find I got the answer wrong. With the exception of this one sentence in the book, there’s no other information anywhere in the book that argues the contrary. I’d like to know what study they’re looking at. Now I’m rambling.

On the second day of Fredmas, my true love gave to me

Fall

Fall is always a mixed bag for me.  I totally dig the temperature change, and love being able to cook my all time favorite meals: Soups, chilis, and chowders.  One of the things I hated the most about dating boys from the south was the whole soup thing.  They just didn’t *get* it.  They didn’t understand the concept of soup.  Fortunately, Jed *got* it.  I love the traditional Chicken Noodle Soup (muh daddy makes the best) and my all time favorite soup is Split Pea (feel free to gag silently).  Since moving to Texas, I’ve become a huge fan of Chicken Tortilla soups (MANY varieties to choose from), and lately I’ve been experimenting with different “baked potato soup” recipes (not heart healthy, of course).  I loves me a hearty, meaty bowl of hot delicious soup, and a big old heaping helping of spicy chili, with rice, of course.  The rice is a new thing that Jed introduced.  I was a bit skeptical, at first, but am whole-heartedly a fan.

 

So I get to eat my delicious soups, again, but this darn time change has thrown me for a loop.  I suppose I should be happy with my “extra hour”, but frankly, I’m not.  It takes me forever to get adjusted to it, and I think the kids are totally oblivious to it.  Sunday, for example, they still got up at their old standard 630, but in reality it was 530.  I tried running around town to work on some of my errands, but nothing opened for a good 4 hours later and I just found the whole morning wasted.  My biggest complaint is that it gets so dark so early now.  I thought the purpose of daylight savings time was to afford us more daylight hours?  It makes no logical sense to me to have the extra daylight so early in the morning when I’m still waking up.  What’s wrong with driving to work when it’s dark outside (HAHAHA!  I said “driving to work”!  As if!) and then having some extra daylight at the end of the day when I’m fully awake?  I think the asshats that came up with this plan got it all backwards.  I think we should Fall forward and Spring back giving us more daylight at the END of the day when it is more useful and beneficial.  As it is now, I’m ready for bed at 6 in the evening when the sun goes down.  How can THAT be a good thing?

 

CRAPPY ELECTRONICS

Has anyone else noticed lately the trend in crappy electronics?  I’m thrilled the prices on things are coming down to where things are affordable, but at the cost of dependability?  Jed and I were watching a movie on the DVD player this weekend in the living room.  A little over 2/3 of the way into the movie the DVD player crapped out, so we moved it to the bedroom.  I’ll be go to hell if 10 minutes later the DVD player in the living room crapped out.  Seriously?  What the hell is wrong with this stuff?  It’s not like they’re crappy brands.  I mean, Phillips?  Didn’t they used to be good?  I guess the good news is they only cost us, like, 40 bucks each.  But it’s not just the DVD players.  Everyone who knows me knows I’m on my 5^th laptop in under two years.  I had to buy the one I’m using now at the end of the summer semester because the one I had purchased for the spring semester had started failing (monitor malfunction).  Since I needed a computer to finish up my school work, I purchased another one so that I could send the ONLY THREE MONTH OLD ONE back to be fixed and wouldn’t be computerless while they repaired it.  I gave the almost new one to Jed to replace his old one when it got back from being repaired, and NOW I’M HAVING ISSUES with my NEW one.  I realize I only paid $300 for it, but shouldn’t it last more than SIX MONTHS?  Is that the attractiveness to the new lower prices of these things?  Disposability? 

 

SUPER TUESDAY

For those of you in states that matter, I wish you the best of luck tomorrow.  PLEASE get out there and vote, even if you don’t think the issues apply to you.  Don’t sit back and let others vote for you and think that someone else is going to take care of your needs.  PLEASE get out there and vote.

On the first day of Fredmas, my true love gave to me...

I ab.so.lutely cannot believe another month has flown by and there’s only two months left to the year.  You know what that means, folks?  Yes, Fredmas is coming up quicker than you can say “do me, daddy”. 

 

This may be confusing for those of you who may already think I’m 39, but this will be my last official year of the thirties as I look ahead to the big 40.  I really can’t explain why, or how, I started aging myself up on my birthdays, but I’ve done it for longer than I can remember.  It drives Jed bonkers, but it’s just how I do.  I will officially be 39 this year, though…as always, the day after my birthday I will hold myself out as 40. 

 

I can’t tell you how forward I am looking to my 40’s.  The growing older thing doesn’t scare, or bother me, in the slightest.  Every decade I survive is better than the previous decade and it gives me nothing but hope for the future decades.  I see my life going nowhere but up.  Here’s how my decades have compared:

 

My teens were all about decadence and debauchery.  I don’t remember much about it, but I worked crappy jobs for crappy money to eat lots of crappy food and sneak in to my favorite bars with my crappy fake ID.

 

In my 20’s I began my professional career.  I made my money and spent my money like crazy acquiring “stuff”.  Stuff I thought I needed, such as music CDs, movies, books, etc., and sensible stuff, such as household furnishings.  I wasted my money on apartment rentals and worked to be able to afford happy hours and meals out with friends.  Somewhere along the way I stopped wasting money on rent and started buying and fixing up houses.

 

I spent my 30’s continuing my career, refocusing on it at times.  In fact, I’m in a position of clarity in that regard right now.  I grew tired of revolving and credit debt and figured out a plan to get rid of all my debt and pay myself, rather than pay credit companies.  I watched my savings soar and created my dream family. 

 

I have high expectations for my 40’s.  I know I can’t plan out what’s going to happen, but I have feeling of wonder and amazement as I look ahead.  Coming up in the next 11 years Adrian will be hitting SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, Nate will be hitting FIFTEEN.  Adrian has already started talking about his “girlfriend” and how she likes to “mouth kiss” (something I’m SO not ready to discuss yet!).   Big, exciting changes are coming.  And I’m ready to embrace whatever life has to throw at me. 

 

So happy first day of Fredmas, I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.

It's the Great Pumpkin, Chuck

How fun it is the boys are at that age where they can start participating in the fun things in life AND stay awake (and mostly pleasant) while doing it. I love the fact that Adrian decided to make one of his pumpkin’s eyes a rectangle and one a triangle. I wish I had another set of hands so that I could have snapped a picture of their reaction when I pulled off the top of the pumpkins and screamed. It was priceless.

USE THE FORCE, LUKE
We did our annual family dress up for gay Christmas this year. What were we???

Happy Halloween, y’all. For real.

I like to write, truly, I do

As I found myself commiserating with a dear, sweet, fat friend of mine the other night about an interviewing process that I’ve been going through the past couple of weeks, I said something that, apparently struck him as funny. I said, “I had to have a writing test the other day wherein I was given an assignment to write a 10-minute biography of my professional experience (as “CV”, if you will) and it drove me bonkers because I really hate to write serious stuff about myself AND I hate being given a topic.” Fat Walt said, “For someone who likes to write, your blog sure doesn’t show it. It’s grown cobwebs.” Hateful, huh? God, Walt. It’s not like I’m sitting home all day watching “The View” (YAAAAAY, ELIZABETH’S BACK!!!) Oh wait, I am.

Nothing like being called out on the carpet for laziness to give my readers a gift of a post. I present to you, a recap.

UPDATE ON THE DIET CONTEST
Yes, we’re all still participating. Jed has lost a whopping 27 pounds. Leslie has lost…ummm, well I’ll let her tell you. I’ve lost 37 pounds as of this morning. I’ve been posting updates along the way on my Facebook page, but I realize some of you lurkers aren’t friends of mine on MyFace, so here’s the deets.

Many folks have asked, “GOOD GOD FAT ASS, HOW THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS? Have you been using laxatives? Are you ‘doin’ the Carpenter’? Are you still eating? Have you been exercising? What did you start at? How much further do you want to go? Will you have sex with me now that you can see your penis again? When are you going to post pics?”

So, let me play Dear Abby here for a second.

Good God Fat Ass, how the fuck have you been doing this? This is going to sound AB.SO.LUTELY ridiculous, so go empty your bladder. We bought a Wii and the Wii Fit and started “playing” video games! FOR REALS. I’m not making that up. The first few weeks of the Wii I sweat my balls off. It’s really what started getting me motivated. And while I enjoy the Wii Fit programs, and still do them, I felt that it didn’t provide me with much resistance insofar as toning, etc. (other than using my own body weight in the form of push-ups). So I was looking into the other programs available and found the EA Sports Active and it seriously kicked my ass. It was like having a less-hot version of “Biggest Loser Bob” in my living room. It works you through a standard circuit-style exercise program focusing on each muscle group, and the program itself actually came with a resistance band to simulate lifting weights. And while the band provide resistance, a 3 month old could have stretched it out to its maximum capacity, so we bought stronger resistance bands. All that to say, through video games I’ve been building wee little (or should I say "wii little" muscles and burning fat.

We’ve also been watching what we eat. The funny thing is we’re still eating pretty much the same things, just healthier versions of it and a LOT less. IF we do happen to go out to eat, Jed and I only get one thing and split it between us instead of each ordering our own thing. I’d say, on average, we’re hitting about 2000 calories/day and exercising 30-60 minutes/day. I forgot to mention above, both the Wii Fit and the EA Sports Active have “multi-player” functionality, so we can both exercise together.

Have you been using laxatives? No.

Are you ‘doin’ the Carpenter’? Don’t make fun of the dead. You’ll go to hell.

Are you still eating? See above.

Have you been exercising? See above.

What did you start at? The official start weight was 225.4 pounds.

How much further do you want to go? I’d like to be at 140 by Christmas.

Will you have sex with me now that you can see your penis again? Are you kidding? I’m skinner than you now, and now you repulse me.

When are you going to post pics? You must not have been on Xtube recently.

So for the curiosity seekers, I give you:

Phat Phreddy Before<---------------------------->Phat Phreddy After

UPDATE ON THE JOB
I’ve been enjoying my time off. I have been interviewing recently. In fact, one position that I’m interested in I’ve had three interviews in the last week, and have another one scheduled the day after gay Christmas. Hopefully I’ll be a contributing member of my family again soon.

KIDS
Adrian has a girlfriend.

Nathan is toilet trained.

JED
Is the most awesome and amazing man. Every single one of you should be jealous.

ANYTHING ELSE?
Nah, not tonight. As I’ve taught Adrian, “You git what you git and you don’t throw a fit”.

Downsizing from a double-wide to a single-wide

Folks, I apologize again for my noticeable absence. I know each of you wait patiently day in and day out to hear from me and that your lives aren’t complete until you do. I’m truly, truly sorry. BUT, I’ve been busy. You’d think being unemployed I’d have nothing but time to sit and write blogs all day. That’s just not the case. I’ll catch y’all up in the next few days with what’s been going on the past few weeks, but I DO have something to say today, so the excitement that is my life will have to wait.

So we recently had a super special guest come stay at the casa for a few days. I’ll write about that in another post. While said guest was here we went out one night and sang karaoke. Besides my obvious lack of talent in the video (below), there’s one more startling aspect of the video. The fact that it looks like I’m in my 5th trimester. Said guest insists that I don’t “look that huge in person” (compliment?), but that the video adds 50 pounds to my navel. You be the judge:

Later in the week, my gal pal Leslie came over to watch Project Runway and had a brilliant idea. She wanted to have a “Shrink my double wide to a single wide” friendly weight loss competition with a cash incentive. She came up with a complicated system of weekly payouts and a ultimate cash prize at the end of the competition with weekly weigh ins over a bowl of queso and “exercise” (watching Project Runway). Having seen my belly jiggle, I’m eager to start!

I’m going to get started (AFTER dinner tonight, of course) with the help of my friend, Chris Lopez, over at Fit and Busy Dad. I have a 51 pound goal by December 31st. That’ll put me right at 340.

So good luck LESLIE and JED! Y’all are going DOWN! And not in a good way.

ENCOURAGING PHOTOS FOLLOW!!!

Clearly Leslie is going to be having issues with snacking.

As will I.

And even Jed!

Advertising FAIL

You know how you get home some days and people have shoved various leaflets in your door handle? You may get some information about a neighborhood restaurant and their dinner specials; carpet cleaning information; "help find my missing dog/child" leaflets, etc. Usually you just walk them straight to your file 13.

I got home yesterday to find this stuck on my door:

Y'all. I'm all about free enterprise, for sure. BUT, here are some facts:

• It hasn't rained in Austin since 1983.
• Anyone who has seen any local or national news in the last 13 months knows that ALL OF TEXAS IS UNDER A SEVERE DROUGHT WARNING.
• Lake Travis is at it's 3rd ALL TIME lowest level since it was created (Our MAIN SOURCE OF WATER).
• It has been >100 degrees for 46 out of the last 49 days.
• And THIS is what my front yard (THE YARD YOU HAVE TO WALK THROUGH TO GET TO MY FRONT DOOR) looks like:

Now. It would seem logical, to me, if I were distributing these leaflets, that this would be a house I could skip. Come on people. Use your head.

20, and holding

Where, oh where, has all the time gone? It certainly doesn’t seem like 20 years ago I was walking across the stage of the Myriad Convention Center in Oklahoma City accepting my high school diploma. It was funny, then, that I was even there. I thought I’d never make it. I’m not saying I was dumb, but my attendance of that last year of school was a little more than questionable. And back then, I never imagined I’d be where I am today.

Going to my 20 year high school reunion wasn’t something I had any interest in doing. I didn’t have (m)any friends in high school. Certainly not by my senior year. Most of the friends that I had in high school graduated the year before me, or went to a new high school that opened up a few miles away the summer of my senior year. Imagine how bad that sucked, a new high school absorbing half of a junior class, separating friends that had gone to school together for four years, making them rivals.

It goes without saying that Jimmy was my absolute best friend in high school. I think I may have blogged about him in the past. I met him my junior year, while he was a senior, and under the strangest of circumstances we became extremely close, best friends in a very short amount of time. To this day I still consider him one of the few people that I could count on in any sort of emergency, or simple vengeance plan. He is my brother, my sexless soul-mate, my confidant, my all. People often wonder(ed) if there was anything between the two of us, but the thought of any such suggestion makes me want to hurl a bit. And I believe if you’d ask him, he’d feel like hurling too.

I met Teresa (no “h”) in 7th grade at Highland West Middle School. This was the pre-gay, and I had a huge, ginormous crush on Teresa. She was everything I wanted to be…smart, beautiful, intelligent beyond her years, more stylish than Molly Ringwald. She was the entire package. I’m thankful, now, that she repeatedly turned down my advances, and instead became one of my closest friends. She helped me through a lot of emotional shit my senior year of high school. I stayed in contact with her for a few years after high school, after I had moved to Austin. She had moved on to the glamorous life of Europe, while I moved on to scraping cow shit off the bottom of my boot. I lost track of her decades ago, but through the magic of Facebook, I reconnected with her a couple of years ago. She sent me an email last week asking if I was coming to the reunion, cuz she wanted to hug me and drink with me. My “undecided” immediately turned to a yes.

There are a few others I’m hoping to see while I’m “home” this week. Jim C., I met in fifth grade. We were better friends in 5th through 8th grade and lost track of each other afterwards. He also contacted me a few years ago (via MyFace) and said hello and that we have A LOT of stuff in common still today (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!).

I doubt she’ll be there, but another mutual friend of Teresa’s and I, Kristi, was very influential in my life at that time too. While I was going through “the gay” thing, she was going through her own “not gay” things. I lost track of Kristi after I left Oklahoma and, oddly enough, her sister-in-law found me on MyFace a few years ago and put us in touch. I talked to her once on the phone for about an hour, but other than that I’ve not been able to talk to, or keep in touch with her again. I hope to see her…but.

And, sadly (or is it?), that’s it. Those are the people I look forward to seeing the most this week. Like I said, I didn’t have (m)any friends. These were the ones who didn’t bat an eyelash when “the gay” came up. These are the ones that stood by me when everyone else called me names or hurled insults at me. 20 years have come and gone and I still have a little bit of anxiety about walking back through the halls of my former high school. But the one thing that I feel absolutely shitastic about is that I’ve seen MANY pictures of the people I went to highschool with on the message boards of how they look today, and they look like ass on wheat, while I still look fabulous. I can’t wait.

Gay Marriage: Get used to it

I'd like all the queers out there to please go check out this amazing post by my buddy over at Daddy Files. It's an amazing post from a straight ally in a fight for equal rights and marriage equality. I think it's important to give this man mad props for speaking out for the rights of all human beings. I want everyone to remember, when they're feeling frustrated about the pace of change happening right now that we're not alone in this fight.

Michael Jackson touched me

I have to admit that I was touched by the passing of Michael Jackson yesterday. I was never really a fan of much of his music, but I recognized his talent. I’m having a hard time reconciling the public outpouring of sympathy and sadness right now. For years the American public has done nothing but ridicule and vilify Michael Jackson. The amount of “shock and sadness” being shown doesn’t seem to match the treatment he’s received from the public over the last 6 year. While I’ve never been a “fan” of Michael Jackson’s music, I’ve also never made any assumptions about the man throughout his life.


When I was 12 I was fortunate to see Michael Jackson perform in Dallas at the Jackson' Victory tour. My oldest sister, Dana, had gotten 4 tickets to the show and gave one of them to me and drove me down to Dallas to see him. I was awwwwwwwed by the spectacle of the show.


RIP Michael. I hope you're finally able to find some peace. I also hope your children are able to have some peace.

I'm adequately prepared for hell

Folks, it's hotter than shit outside. Or, as my friend David said the other day, "It's hotter than a pygmy goats pussy in a pepper patch". I can't verify that, cuz I've never had a pygmy goat's pussy, but IT'S FUCKING HOT.

I did some screen caps on my idiot box the other night. This first cap is a monthly calendar of the temps, so far, for June. The temps in red indicate "record breaking heat". Keep in mind, these are "actual" temps, not "perceived" temps. Apparently the "perceived" temp, or the "feels like" temp is a good 10 degrees hotter than the actual temps. 105 isn't a temperature. 105 is Fairy Princess Holly's weight!

It's so hot outside that while I was walking home from the park yesterday morning with Adrian, at 1030 am, my flip-flop melted and stuck to the sidewalk. I'm not making that up. IT WAS 102 DEGREES at 1030 AM yesterday. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It was so hot yesterday that when I got home from school at 10 pm it was STILL 97 degrees. BUT THE HEAT WAVE ISN'T OVER! They projected the temps today to be even higher.

Naturally I've been doing everything possible to keep cool. I've been taking the kids to the park at 3 in the morning so they don't over-heat. We've been in (and out of) the pool by 10 in the morning. We've been taking naps during the hottest part of the day (basically 9am to 11 pm). I've been going through ice so fast that the ice maker in my fridge can't keep up. I've been having to supplement with bags of ice from the market. While I know it's passe to have ceiling fans in your house, I have them in every bedroom and they are all on high blast. In addition to them, I've got "Vornado" fans (2 of them) in my 40 square foot living room blowing the air around. And, seriously, as long as you're sitting or laying in the path of the breeze, it helps.

My clothes have been completely saturated for a week now. I fear I'll be getting a fungal infection from my damp balls, because I just can't seem to stop sweating. BUT...there's a light at the end of this very hot tunnel.

When I opened last month's electric bill I noticed I had started using a bit more electricity from running my a/c a little more. I immediately walked over to my handy dandy programmable thermostat and reset all the "wake, leave, return, sleep" times and temps. I set the morning "leave" temp at 80 degrees and the "sleep" temps at 80 degrees. The wake and return temps were set to 75. I noticed today that I was actually chilly in the house and had to put some long pants on. Yes. When it's 106 (actual) degrees (at 2 pm)...111 (perceived degrees), 80 degrees is actually COLD! That's the good news! I'VE ACCLIMATED TO HELL!!!

GOD how I'm looking forward to the cold front next Wednesday!

Happy gay Fathers Day

I've posted a shout out to all my gay parenting friends I've met over the intertubes over at my OTHER BLOG! Hope you take a second to check it out...even if you're not gay...or a parent!

I'm #1

I'm not normally a paranoid person. But...

The other day I was driving around town with Adrian. He was upset at me for some reason. I'm sure it was something reasonable, like I didn't take him to Sonic, or bowling, or swimming, or Schlitterbahn, or some equally heinous act. I glanced over at him as we were driving down the highway and I swear I thought I saw him giving me the finger. But, surely I was mistaken, right? I mean, I don't use the finger. Jed doesn't use the finger. Nobody we know, really, uses the finger. I thought it MUST be the heat. The heat was making me see things.

Today we were driving around again. I looked over at him and he shot me NOT ONE, but TWO fingers. Yes, my son gave me the double-barrel finger-bang. I smiled at him and said, "Ummmm, sweety! What's that all about?" He let me know that some little girl in his class taught him how to do it. So I asked it what it meant. He replied, "It means you go to time-out".



I'm so proud.

(F)reddy got laid

Holy buckets of lead, Batman. When was the last time I posted??? Writer’s block? No, not so much. I’d like to begin by thanking each of my adoring fans (you know who you ams) for checking in on me to make sure I was still alive. My twitter and FaceSpace activity verify I am! Let’s catch up, shall we?

Since we last spoke, I got laid off. Don’t cry for me Argentina. I say this more as a point of fact more than a cry for sympathy. I was told by my mother decades ago that if I wanted sympathy to grab a dictionary and I could find it between ‘shit’ and ‘syphilis’. I have nothing bad to say about my former employer of 11 years. It was a great experience, I met lots of people that I consider to be “family”, and it was a good run. I considered the loss of a job an opportunity to catch up on all the things I had neglected in my life since Adrian came to live with us. To say it’s impossible to keep up with your house, school, relationship with your finger puppet, and raising happy, well adjusted children while working a full-time job is an understatement. I’ve, seriously, seized the opportunity to reacquaint myself with life.

My totally amazing sister, Dana, came down to San Antonio a few weeks ago for a business trip. While she was living in Oklahoma I got to see her quite often. Since she moved to D.C., I’ve gotten to see her exactly once (until dinner in San Antonio!). And we did it up Guy Fieri style. I’ve had this fantasy of taking over Guy’s job on “Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives” since I started watching the show. I’ve settled on following in his footsteps and visiting the restaurants he’s featured on his show. So we took my sister to the Tip Top Café and had the biggest, most delicious chicken fried steak I’ve ever eaten in my life.

We’ve spent some time in Galveston visiting family too. Just this last weekend we went down for a “just for the heck of it” trip and had a great time with the fam. We spent an afternoon at the beach picking up seashells and chasing waves and teaching Adrian to swim in Aunt Jan’s pool. He was a regular Michael Phelps…as soon as he grabbed on to the “fun noodle”! Jed and I even drove around looking at some houses.

I wrapped up this spring semester at school with 3-A’s and a B. It was a brutal semester, and while I mourn the loss of my 4.0, I’m proud of my 3.9. I earned it! I’ll be posting a blog in the next few days of some of the experiences, and assignments, from the semester that I didn’t want to write about during the semester (for fear of alienating peeps!).

As mentioned, I’ve been catching up on neglected household chores. Pre-layoff, I hadn’t mowed the yard in several months. The neighbors were starting to stare disapprovingly. Pre-Adrian, Jed and I had busted knuckles trying to fix up the house, replace plumbing, foundation, put color on walls, etc. I had started a remodel on the bathroom…and promptly stopped…midway…the day Adrian came to live with us. Our bedroom had become the lone room in the house that never got any TLC. So I’ve started in the bathroom again (anticipated completion early next week!) and FINALLY got some color up on the walls in the bedroom. I’ve become quite the Susie-homemaker (cleaning, cooking, etc.) since I’ve been home. I’m not quite sure I’m up to being a gay-at-home dad forever, but for the time being it hasn’t been too bad!

I’ve ALSO become quite the homeroom parent for ALL the schools the boys go to. In part because Adrian has been “having problems” with his teacher again and I’ve been wanting to get into his class to see what exactly the interactions between him and his teacher are like. I’ve also been wanting to get into Nathan’s school and see what and how they’re working on things with him.

That’s what I’ve got for today, folks. Nothing witty. Nothing insightful. I just wanted to let you know that I’m still around. While I’ve not been “working”, I’ve been busier than I was when I had a full-time job. I’m not actively looking for anything right now, but I don’t know how long I want to do this home gig. Summer is coming up…QUICKLY…and I’m looking forward to spending quality time with the boys doing fun things. BUT, I’m SURE after spending three months at home with them I’ll be more than ready for them to go back to school and get a job myself! We’ll see. Hope you’ve each been well, and thanks again for checking in on me. It warms me to know that there are so many people that read this blog and cared enough to make sure Jed hadn’t put antifreeze in my Kool-Aid.

Can you hear me now?

I will make no effort to claim any sort of originality in this post, as I am positive this topic has been touched on by many other bloggers. This, however, is my own take so do with it what you will.

There are a number of places where cell phone conversations are not only inappropriate, but any persons violating the common courtesy rule should be immediately killed. There is a time and a place for a telephone conversation, none of these places are 'the place'.

When you're taking a shit, or any other toileting duties (IE: taking a piss, brushing your teeth, showering, bathing, flossing, exfoliating). I can't tell you how many times I have walked into the bathroom at work and have heard attorneys on the phone while they're popping a squat on the throne. Do you honestly think people want to hear you blowing air out of your ass while youre talking to them on the phone? What's more, is what you have to say so important that you can't wait until youre done washing your hands to have a conversation about what you want for dinner? And don't think you're fooling anyone when you say, "Hold on, I've got another call coming in"...(place phone on mute, flush, return to conversation). We got your number. You know what I like to do while I'M taking a shit and someone is talking on their cell phone??? I flush the toilet. REPEATEDLY. To let the person on the other end of the phone know that the asshole they're talking to is in the bathroom.

At a funeral. You would think this goes without saying, but I was actually at a funeral recently where not only someone's cell phone rang, but the tart actually had the audacity to answer the call. She thought she was being discrete as she said, "I can't really talk right now, I'm at a funeral. Six? Yeah, I can meet you at Chili's at 6." Have some respect for the decedents family people. Leave your cell phone in the car, or at least turn it off. At this same funeral, there were scores of other tarts text messaging through the funeral. This falls under the same category as actual phone calls as far as I'm concerned.

In a car. I've bitched and moaned about this in other blogs so I won't take too much time with it here. Before any of my IRL friends pipe up, I'll also admit that I OCCASSIONALLY break this rule too. But I don't do it while I'm trying to fix my hair while balancing a double cheese burger in my lap and holding onto a soda. If you can't stay within a lane of traffic while you're talking on a phone, or change lanes without clipping the car beside you, STAY OFF YOUR PHONE WHILE YOURE DRIVING.

When you're placing an order at any food place. Look, if you don't know what the person you're ordering for wants before you get there, don't waste the time of every person standing behind you reading off the entire menu to the person on your phone. At least have the courtesy to step back and let those of us who know what we want order before you.

At a movie theater or any type of live theater. Do you honestly think the requests at the beginning of a movie that say, "Please turn off your cell phones now" don't apply to you? I do not pay $10.50/ticket to sit and listen to you tell your friends that you're watching the new Harry Potter film and talk about how cool the special effects are and give them a play-by-play of the movie. Let them pay their own $10.50 to come watch it for themselves.

While some guy is getting ready to blow a load into any of your body openings. I know I'm not the only person who watched in horror as Paris Hilton climbed off her boyfriend's dick to answer her cell phone. If your sex partner has bored you so much that you have to answer your phone, please at least have the courtesy to fake the "O" to let him know you're done and just be done with the act entirely. Don't answer the phone and then climb back on to finish.

And finally, any time you are have a real live conversation with a real live person that happens to be sitting in front of you, have a little respect for that person. I can't tell you how many times I've felt sorry for a person when I'm out and see the person they're with chatting non-stop on the phone. It's rude, it's disrespectful. That person has taken time out of their day to spend time with you. Not sit there and listen to you make plan B.

Here's a newsflash in case you haven't figured it out yet. If someone calls you on your cell phone, there is a little thing called a call log that will let you know who called and when. When it's appropriate you can call that person back and have as much air time with that person as you need. Do it on your own time people, not at the benefit of everyone else around you. Oh, and if you HAVE to have a phone conversation in public, remember, IT'S A CELL PHONE, not a megaphone. YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL to let people know what youve got to say. 9 times out of 10 its not that important anyway.