I like to write, truly, I do

As I found myself commiserating with a dear, sweet, fat friend of mine the other night about an interviewing process that I’ve been going through the past couple of weeks, I said something that, apparently struck him as funny. I said, “I had to have a writing test the other day wherein I was given an assignment to write a 10-minute biography of my professional experience (as “CV”, if you will) and it drove me bonkers because I really hate to write serious stuff about myself AND I hate being given a topic.” Fat Walt said, “For someone who likes to write, your blog sure doesn’t show it. It’s grown cobwebs.” Hateful, huh? God, Walt. It’s not like I’m sitting home all day watching “The View” (YAAAAAY, ELIZABETH’S BACK!!!) Oh wait, I am.

Nothing like being called out on the carpet for laziness to give my readers a gift of a post. I present to you, a recap.

UPDATE ON THE DIET CONTEST
Yes, we’re all still participating. Jed has lost a whopping 27 pounds. Leslie has lost…ummm, well I’ll let her tell you. I’ve lost 37 pounds as of this morning. I’ve been posting updates along the way on my Facebook page, but I realize some of you lurkers aren’t friends of mine on MyFace, so here’s the deets.

Many folks have asked, “GOOD GOD FAT ASS, HOW THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS? Have you been using laxatives? Are you ‘doin’ the Carpenter’? Are you still eating? Have you been exercising? What did you start at? How much further do you want to go? Will you have sex with me now that you can see your penis again? When are you going to post pics?”

So, let me play Dear Abby here for a second.

Good God Fat Ass, how the fuck have you been doing this? This is going to sound AB.SO.LUTELY ridiculous, so go empty your bladder. We bought a Wii and the Wii Fit and started “playing” video games! FOR REALS. I’m not making that up. The first few weeks of the Wii I sweat my balls off. It’s really what started getting me motivated. And while I enjoy the Wii Fit programs, and still do them, I felt that it didn’t provide me with much resistance insofar as toning, etc. (other than using my own body weight in the form of push-ups). So I was looking into the other programs available and found the EA Sports Active and it seriously kicked my ass. It was like having a less-hot version of “Biggest Loser Bob” in my living room. It works you through a standard circuit-style exercise program focusing on each muscle group, and the program itself actually came with a resistance band to simulate lifting weights. And while the band provide resistance, a 3 month old could have stretched it out to its maximum capacity, so we bought stronger resistance bands. All that to say, through video games I’ve been building wee little (or should I say "wii little" muscles and burning fat.

We’ve also been watching what we eat. The funny thing is we’re still eating pretty much the same things, just healthier versions of it and a LOT less. IF we do happen to go out to eat, Jed and I only get one thing and split it between us instead of each ordering our own thing. I’d say, on average, we’re hitting about 2000 calories/day and exercising 30-60 minutes/day. I forgot to mention above, both the Wii Fit and the EA Sports Active have “multi-player” functionality, so we can both exercise together.

Have you been using laxatives? No.

Are you ‘doin’ the Carpenter’? Don’t make fun of the dead. You’ll go to hell.

Are you still eating? See above.

Have you been exercising? See above.

What did you start at? The official start weight was 225.4 pounds.

How much further do you want to go? I’d like to be at 140 by Christmas.

Will you have sex with me now that you can see your penis again? Are you kidding? I’m skinner than you now, and now you repulse me.

When are you going to post pics? You must not have been on Xtube recently.

So for the curiosity seekers, I give you:

Phat Phreddy Before<---------------------------->Phat Phreddy After

UPDATE ON THE JOB
I’ve been enjoying my time off. I have been interviewing recently. In fact, one position that I’m interested in I’ve had three interviews in the last week, and have another one scheduled the day after gay Christmas. Hopefully I’ll be a contributing member of my family again soon.

KIDS
Adrian has a girlfriend.

Nathan is toilet trained.

JED
Is the most awesome and amazing man. Every single one of you should be jealous.

ANYTHING ELSE?
Nah, not tonight. As I’ve taught Adrian, “You git what you git and you don’t throw a fit”.