Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
December Challenge Day 11
MIND PURGE:
I’ve been mostly awake since 242 this morning. I know this, because I got up and walked into the living room to see what time it was. The funny thing is, when I woke up I felt completely refreshed. Like I seriously thought I had OVER-slept and was running late. Noticing it was only 242, I knew I should probably lay back down and try to finish out the night. But I couldn’t fall asleep, of course, UNTIL about 30 minutes before the alarm was scheduled to go off…then I was COMPLETELY knocked out. My mind, during that three hours, was racing on a variety of topics. None really interesting, mind you. BUT since I have this “challenge”, what better place to purge, eh?
THE CONTINUING SAGA OF MY TOOTHLESS ASSHOLE:
I’m so glad hot Dr. Michael from Stuttgart took the time to post a comment on my blog yesterday. He rarely does, so when he shows up it’s an extra special treat. It may have been the subject matter, given Michael is a dentist, and one that I wouldn’t mind drilling around in my mouth! But he sort of touched on something very important in follow up to yesterday’s shag-nasty story.
I went to the Dental Barn and my uber-Metrosexual dentist listened to my tale of woe. He then said, “I can do an impression for you for a new crown today, or you can continue looking for your crown for the next two days and if you find it you can bring it in and I’ll put it back on”. Now, folks, I didn’t drop the thing on the floor in my living room and just couldn’t see it. What he had in mind was totally what Jed suggested. He wanted me to filter through my pooh and look for my tooth. He said, “I know it sounds disgusting, but we do it all the time. We’ll just wash it off, pop it in our sterilizer and it’ll be cleaner than it’s been for the last 8 years you’ve had it in there”. And he actually put my mind at ease. What sealed the deal was when he said, “It’ll be the difference between $518 for a new crown, or a $20 co-pay to have the original cemented back in”.
$498 is a lot of money. It didn’t take much convincing for me to decide what I was going to do. I told his dental hygienist that I would schedule an appointment for Friday morning and that I would look for the tooth between now and then. On Friday I will either bring in a corn-covered tooth, or I’ll have a new one made. I called in sick to work (NOT GAY), stopped by my local Walgreen’s for a bottle of Mag Citrate and went home to shit myself crazy for the rest of the day looking for my tooth.
NOW, I realize I’m opening myself up to a life-time of “Your breath smells like shit” jokes. SO, I have decided that I’m NOT going to reveal, ever, whether or not I found the tooth and whether or not I’ve got a new one. If any of you meet me in person, you’ll just have to wonder yourselves for the rest of your life! So this is officially the end of my traveling tooth saga.
THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME FOR THE HOLIGAYS:
Jed and I are 100% on the same page about where we spend Christmas day. Our boys WILL wake up in their own beds on Christmas day for the next dozen or so years so they can see what Satan brings them. This is our decision. It doesn’t matter what we have to do to be sure we’ll make that happen. The last couple of years we have gone to Galveston the day before Christmas eve, done the family Christmas eve spectacular on Christmas eve and then we load up the car and immediately head home at warp speed. Yeah, driving at midnight for 4 hours on Christmas eve sucks, but it’s completely worth it to see the boy’s faces on Christmas morning. THIS year, I’m not sure what’s going on. For the first time in a decade, our schedules don’t match up. Jed is off on the 24th and 25th, and I am off on the 25th and 26th. I guess the good news is we’re both off on Christmas day. But we may need to split up on Christmas eve, which totally sucks. The LAST time we split up on Christmas eve didn’t end well and I got stuck in OKC for a week! I’m having a mini-freak out about what this Christmas will look like.
ADDITIONALLY, my mind was racing about things I still have left to do “gift-wise” to finish preparing for the holidays. I still haven’t bought the boys anything. It’s hard to buy stuff before I actually need it. Living in a very small house, we have limited hiding space, and it never fails that Adrian will find it and bring it to me and ask if he can open it now. So I’ve been putting it off on one hand, but on the other hand I still don’t know what I want to get them. I also still have to get some more stuff for Cousin Ashley’s husband…whom I don’t really know that well insofar as what kind of stuff he likes…but I “drew” his name for the family gift exchange and am obligated to do so. AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT I still have to make all my candies and snacks and other stuff for all of the teachers, aides, bus drivers, etc. that are involved in the boy’s lives. I’ve got to do that this weekend…and while I love cooking, I stress out about whether or not I’ve forgotten anyone.
My dearest Walt has sent me 4 gigs of Christmas music that I’ve been playing on a non-stop loop since the beginning of December…so that’s been helping me get in the mood for Christmas and getting all this stuff done.
ABA:
I’m not talking about the Swedish pop SUPERSTARS…I’m talking about the end of this very long semester. The semester wasn’t longer than usual, it was mostly long because of the HUGE number of complete idiots in the classes I’ve had. I’ve discovered that I actually ENJOY math. Who knew? I distinctly recall, from high school, saying daily that this stuff was pointless and I’d never use it. And I was right. I’ve NEVER used it. And so when I had to take all these math classes for my degree program I had a little mini-freak-out. It turns out that I’m purdy good at this math thing. It’s like working a puzzle in a way. I killed the curve in the math class I took this semester. I was kicking myself last night because I showed up to take my final. And as professor hottie was handing out the exam he asked the idiot next to me if she had taken the last test yet. She said, “No, I’m going to take the zero and substitute it for my final”. I was confused. I said, “Huh? We don’t have to take the final”? And I was informed that the lowest test grade is dropped and that if we were fine with our previous grades we didn’t need to take the test. I’ve gotten a consistent 98, 98, 98, 94 on the four tests we’ve taken. So I technically didn’t need to take the test. BUT since I was there already AND I find it disrespectful to not show up when the professors give up their time, I decided to stay and take the test. And I’m glad I did. I really enjoyed taking that test…and that class, in general.
My history class sucks balls. I hate history. History sucks. You know why history sucks? Because everyone from history is dead, and being dead sucks. What I beat myself up about is I didn’t even have to take this fucking class. It wasn’t a requirement for my degree program. I was SUPPOSED to take a GOVERNMENT class, and I accidentally signed up for history. I didn’t realize it until a week before the final drop date, and by that point I had committed and decided to finish it. DESPITE the fact that it’s going to completely fuck up my 4.0 GPA. Because I’m going to be DAMN lucky if I get a B in the class. The final is tonight, so this is another thing that kept my mind racing.
My English Comp II class was ANOTHER freebie class that I ACCIDENTALLY signed up for this semester. I REALLY must learn to read the fine print, eh? I thought it was a logical assumption that if you were required to take ENGLISH COMP I, that English Comp II was going to be a requirement. OTHERWISE, why the fuck would you put the “I”??? So I’m beating myself up for wasting an entire semester with two classes I didn’t even need. Fortunately for me I skated through my English Comp II class. And I really, really enjoyed it. I had a mini-anxiety attack at the beginning of the semester because the Comp II class was different than the Comp I class in regards to in Comp I you were allowed to pick your own subject matter for your essays. In Comp II, we had to do literary analysis of short fiction. I think everyone is aware that I don’t “pleasure read”? I hate reading almost as much as I hate dentists (EXCEPT FOR YOU MICHAEL!). The thought of having to read 19 stories in 9 weeks filled me with dread. It ended up not being so bad, but…fine print (F)reddy, read…fine…print. As I said, SKATED by, got an A. Done with it.
While on the subject of my grades and school in general, I suppose now would be a good time to announce the results of the latest blog poll. In regards to how many classes I should take this next semester: 4 of you think I should cut back to 1 class and take 19 years to finish this damn thing; 6 of you think I should go back to the 2 that I took last semester; only 2 of you thought I did okay with the 3 classes I took this semester while maintaining my on-line life; and 2 of you thought I was too old to be in school and should finish this up quicker and take 4 classes. While I didn’t take any of the votes into serious consideration, I decided to (AND ALREADY DID) enroll in 4 classes this next semester.
WHERE ARE MY…:
The last thing that was rushing through my pea-sized brain during the early morning hours was the amount of stuff I want to get done around the house during the next 4 weeks before this next semester starts. I have NO idea how or if I’ll be able to get it done, but my list is growing. I’ll just check it off a little at a time and won’t sweat the rest.
I’ve been mostly awake since 242 this morning. I know this, because I got up and walked into the living room to see what time it was. The funny thing is, when I woke up I felt completely refreshed. Like I seriously thought I had OVER-slept and was running late. Noticing it was only 242, I knew I should probably lay back down and try to finish out the night. But I couldn’t fall asleep, of course, UNTIL about 30 minutes before the alarm was scheduled to go off…then I was COMPLETELY knocked out. My mind, during that three hours, was racing on a variety of topics. None really interesting, mind you. BUT since I have this “challenge”, what better place to purge, eh?
THE CONTINUING SAGA OF MY TOOTHLESS ASSHOLE:
I’m so glad hot Dr. Michael from Stuttgart took the time to post a comment on my blog yesterday. He rarely does, so when he shows up it’s an extra special treat. It may have been the subject matter, given Michael is a dentist, and one that I wouldn’t mind drilling around in my mouth! But he sort of touched on something very important in follow up to yesterday’s shag-nasty story.
I went to the Dental Barn and my uber-Metrosexual dentist listened to my tale of woe. He then said, “I can do an impression for you for a new crown today, or you can continue looking for your crown for the next two days and if you find it you can bring it in and I’ll put it back on”. Now, folks, I didn’t drop the thing on the floor in my living room and just couldn’t see it. What he had in mind was totally what Jed suggested. He wanted me to filter through my pooh and look for my tooth. He said, “I know it sounds disgusting, but we do it all the time. We’ll just wash it off, pop it in our sterilizer and it’ll be cleaner than it’s been for the last 8 years you’ve had it in there”. And he actually put my mind at ease. What sealed the deal was when he said, “It’ll be the difference between $518 for a new crown, or a $20 co-pay to have the original cemented back in”.
$498 is a lot of money. It didn’t take much convincing for me to decide what I was going to do. I told his dental hygienist that I would schedule an appointment for Friday morning and that I would look for the tooth between now and then. On Friday I will either bring in a corn-covered tooth, or I’ll have a new one made. I called in sick to work (NOT GAY), stopped by my local Walgreen’s for a bottle of Mag Citrate and went home to shit myself crazy for the rest of the day looking for my tooth.
NOW, I realize I’m opening myself up to a life-time of “Your breath smells like shit” jokes. SO, I have decided that I’m NOT going to reveal, ever, whether or not I found the tooth and whether or not I’ve got a new one. If any of you meet me in person, you’ll just have to wonder yourselves for the rest of your life! So this is officially the end of my traveling tooth saga.
THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME FOR THE HOLIGAYS:
Jed and I are 100% on the same page about where we spend Christmas day. Our boys WILL wake up in their own beds on Christmas day for the next dozen or so years so they can see what Satan brings them. This is our decision. It doesn’t matter what we have to do to be sure we’ll make that happen. The last couple of years we have gone to Galveston the day before Christmas eve, done the family Christmas eve spectacular on Christmas eve and then we load up the car and immediately head home at warp speed. Yeah, driving at midnight for 4 hours on Christmas eve sucks, but it’s completely worth it to see the boy’s faces on Christmas morning. THIS year, I’m not sure what’s going on. For the first time in a decade, our schedules don’t match up. Jed is off on the 24th and 25th, and I am off on the 25th and 26th. I guess the good news is we’re both off on Christmas day. But we may need to split up on Christmas eve, which totally sucks. The LAST time we split up on Christmas eve didn’t end well and I got stuck in OKC for a week! I’m having a mini-freak out about what this Christmas will look like.
ADDITIONALLY, my mind was racing about things I still have left to do “gift-wise” to finish preparing for the holidays. I still haven’t bought the boys anything. It’s hard to buy stuff before I actually need it. Living in a very small house, we have limited hiding space, and it never fails that Adrian will find it and bring it to me and ask if he can open it now. So I’ve been putting it off on one hand, but on the other hand I still don’t know what I want to get them. I also still have to get some more stuff for Cousin Ashley’s husband…whom I don’t really know that well insofar as what kind of stuff he likes…but I “drew” his name for the family gift exchange and am obligated to do so. AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT I still have to make all my candies and snacks and other stuff for all of the teachers, aides, bus drivers, etc. that are involved in the boy’s lives. I’ve got to do that this weekend…and while I love cooking, I stress out about whether or not I’ve forgotten anyone.
My dearest Walt has sent me 4 gigs of Christmas music that I’ve been playing on a non-stop loop since the beginning of December…so that’s been helping me get in the mood for Christmas and getting all this stuff done.
ABA:
I’m not talking about the Swedish pop SUPERSTARS…I’m talking about the end of this very long semester. The semester wasn’t longer than usual, it was mostly long because of the HUGE number of complete idiots in the classes I’ve had. I’ve discovered that I actually ENJOY math. Who knew? I distinctly recall, from high school, saying daily that this stuff was pointless and I’d never use it. And I was right. I’ve NEVER used it. And so when I had to take all these math classes for my degree program I had a little mini-freak-out. It turns out that I’m purdy good at this math thing. It’s like working a puzzle in a way. I killed the curve in the math class I took this semester. I was kicking myself last night because I showed up to take my final. And as professor hottie was handing out the exam he asked the idiot next to me if she had taken the last test yet. She said, “No, I’m going to take the zero and substitute it for my final”. I was confused. I said, “Huh? We don’t have to take the final”? And I was informed that the lowest test grade is dropped and that if we were fine with our previous grades we didn’t need to take the test. I’ve gotten a consistent 98, 98, 98, 94 on the four tests we’ve taken. So I technically didn’t need to take the test. BUT since I was there already AND I find it disrespectful to not show up when the professors give up their time, I decided to stay and take the test. And I’m glad I did. I really enjoyed taking that test…and that class, in general.
My history class sucks balls. I hate history. History sucks. You know why history sucks? Because everyone from history is dead, and being dead sucks. What I beat myself up about is I didn’t even have to take this fucking class. It wasn’t a requirement for my degree program. I was SUPPOSED to take a GOVERNMENT class, and I accidentally signed up for history. I didn’t realize it until a week before the final drop date, and by that point I had committed and decided to finish it. DESPITE the fact that it’s going to completely fuck up my 4.0 GPA. Because I’m going to be DAMN lucky if I get a B in the class. The final is tonight, so this is another thing that kept my mind racing.
My English Comp II class was ANOTHER freebie class that I ACCIDENTALLY signed up for this semester. I REALLY must learn to read the fine print, eh? I thought it was a logical assumption that if you were required to take ENGLISH COMP I, that English Comp II was going to be a requirement. OTHERWISE, why the fuck would you put the “I”??? So I’m beating myself up for wasting an entire semester with two classes I didn’t even need. Fortunately for me I skated through my English Comp II class. And I really, really enjoyed it. I had a mini-anxiety attack at the beginning of the semester because the Comp II class was different than the Comp I class in regards to in Comp I you were allowed to pick your own subject matter for your essays. In Comp II, we had to do literary analysis of short fiction. I think everyone is aware that I don’t “pleasure read”? I hate reading almost as much as I hate dentists (EXCEPT FOR YOU MICHAEL!). The thought of having to read 19 stories in 9 weeks filled me with dread. It ended up not being so bad, but…fine print (F)reddy, read…fine…print. As I said, SKATED by, got an A. Done with it.
While on the subject of my grades and school in general, I suppose now would be a good time to announce the results of the latest blog poll. In regards to how many classes I should take this next semester: 4 of you think I should cut back to 1 class and take 19 years to finish this damn thing; 6 of you think I should go back to the 2 that I took last semester; only 2 of you thought I did okay with the 3 classes I took this semester while maintaining my on-line life; and 2 of you thought I was too old to be in school and should finish this up quicker and take 4 classes. While I didn’t take any of the votes into serious consideration, I decided to (AND ALREADY DID) enroll in 4 classes this next semester.
WHERE ARE MY…:
The last thing that was rushing through my pea-sized brain during the early morning hours was the amount of stuff I want to get done around the house during the next 4 weeks before this next semester starts. I have NO idea how or if I’ll be able to get it done, but my list is growing. I’ll just check it off a little at a time and won’t sweat the rest.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
December Challenge Day 10
WARNING: THIS MAY BE THE MOST DISGUSTING THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN WRITTEN BY ME. IF YOU HAVE A WEAK CONSTITUTION OR ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF EATING ANYTHING YOU MAY WANT TO JUST CLOSE YOUR BROWSER AND NOT CONTINUE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
So those of you following me on the Twitters are aware that one of my crowns fell off on Sunday evening. I was lucky enough to catch it and washed it off good and scrubbed my stub of a tooth left in my mouth and popped it back on. I had planned on calling the dentist on Monday to have it recemented in place.
Monday was busy. I never got around to making the call. Between studying for my brutal math test and filling out the 380-some odd Christmas cards I had to send out, I just didn’t have the time. I planned to call on Tuesday.
Tuesday was equally busy. As I was mid-dial, I got a pop up notification on my phone reminding me of an appointment I had with Nate’s speech therapist. So I had to do that instead. While back in my office eating my Church’s fried chicken for lunch, my crown popped off again. I went to the bathroom, brushed it off, rinsed my mouth, and plopped the crown back in place. I said in my head that I would call on Wednesday.
I got home from work and made dinner for the fam. We were having one of my personal favorites, Sloppy (F)reddy’s with steak fries. Dinner done, sat down and did “Yaaaay family” with the kids. I took a bite of my sammich, washed it down with some fries. I stuck another bite in and noticed something didn’t feel right. I’ll be go to hell if I didn’t swallow my fucking crown. It was gone. Nowhere to be found in my mouth.
Jed looked at me and asked what was wrong. I told him I had just swallowed my crown. He asked if I was okay. I said that I was. But then I had dollar signs running through my head. I didn’t want to have to pay $2000 for another crown. Not this close to the holidays. And so I weighed my options.
Jed asked if it would come out with my poop. And I said that it would. But I asked, “Do I really want to stick a crown back in my mouth that came out my ass”? And he said, “You could boil it in hot water first”. And I thought, “Huh. He’s right”.
But that was just a little too much for me. I’m cheap, and I hate going to the dentist with all my heart and soul, but my cheapness only goes so far. AND, sometimes I get lucky and I get “the cute” dentist at my local dental barn.
I decided the best course of action would be to get it back immediately rather than waiting for it come out my bunghole. I went in the bathroom and grabbed a bucket. I certainly didn’t want to throw my crown up in the toilet and then have to flush it out of there. Coming out my asshole would have been cleaner. So down on the floor I started shoving my fingers down my throat trying to induce vomiting. After a few heavy heaves, I only amassed a few blobs of spittle. More drastic measures were needed.
I ran up to my local Walgreen’s and picked me up a jar of ipecac syrup. That shit’s tasty, yo. For real. Back in the bathroom I took a good tablespoon and a half. It was slightly more than required by label, but I had 40 minutes to get to school. After taking the dose, I re-read the label and it said, “If vomiting doesn’t occur within 30 minutes, call physician”. SHIT! I DIDN’T HAVE 30 MINUTES. I had to be to school in 40.
So I grabbed my bucket again and went in the bedroom, locked the door, and got horizontal on the bed on my stomach with my head hanging over the bed. And I proceeded to induce vomiting the Karen Carpenter way, by shoving my balled up fist down my throat.
I learned some things last night:
· I’m so cheap that I would rather vomit a crown to have re-cemented in my mouth than pay $2000 for a new one.
· I’m fear dentist…but it didn’t take the experience to realize that.
· I could never be a bulimic.
· My gag reflex isn’t nearly as shallow as I thought.
· Syrup of ipecac is actually quite tasty going down.
· “Last down” doesn’t mean “first up”.
· Church’s chicken remains in your stomach longer than 6 hours.
· I REALLY need to chew up my food better instead of swallowing large pieces.
· The spicy coating on Church’s chicken burns the fuck out of your sinus cavity when it is projected upwards at a high velocity.
· LONG after you vomit everything in your stomach, your crown STILL may not have come back up.
· If you ARE going to be bulimic, it’s a good idea to have a towel at your side, because when your fingers get coated with vomit and become slippery, it’s harder to hit that gag reflex when you’re fingers are sliding around.
· Dentist’s offices aren’t open after 5.
· Dogs will it ANYTHING.
So I never got the crown back. Not that I could see anyway. Now I’m waiting for Jed to make my morning coffee so I can run to the toilet and see what comes out that end. And then I’m going to work and calling my dental barn to see if I can get in this morning to spend the boy’s Christmas gift money on my mouth.
Brush your teeth, folks. And don’t forget to floss.
Side note: For those who don’t already know, I netted my first A of the semester in my English Comp II class. The boy is pretty AND smart…and kind write, too. Final tonight in Algebra…I won’t need much luck on it, cuz I’m the smartest geezer in the class…and I’m not just saying that because of my large ego. Professor hottie actually TOLD me so.
So those of you following me on the Twitters are aware that one of my crowns fell off on Sunday evening. I was lucky enough to catch it and washed it off good and scrubbed my stub of a tooth left in my mouth and popped it back on. I had planned on calling the dentist on Monday to have it recemented in place.
Monday was busy. I never got around to making the call. Between studying for my brutal math test and filling out the 380-some odd Christmas cards I had to send out, I just didn’t have the time. I planned to call on Tuesday.
Tuesday was equally busy. As I was mid-dial, I got a pop up notification on my phone reminding me of an appointment I had with Nate’s speech therapist. So I had to do that instead. While back in my office eating my Church’s fried chicken for lunch, my crown popped off again. I went to the bathroom, brushed it off, rinsed my mouth, and plopped the crown back in place. I said in my head that I would call on Wednesday.
I got home from work and made dinner for the fam. We were having one of my personal favorites, Sloppy (F)reddy’s with steak fries. Dinner done, sat down and did “Yaaaay family” with the kids. I took a bite of my sammich, washed it down with some fries. I stuck another bite in and noticed something didn’t feel right. I’ll be go to hell if I didn’t swallow my fucking crown. It was gone. Nowhere to be found in my mouth.
Jed looked at me and asked what was wrong. I told him I had just swallowed my crown. He asked if I was okay. I said that I was. But then I had dollar signs running through my head. I didn’t want to have to pay $2000 for another crown. Not this close to the holidays. And so I weighed my options.
Jed asked if it would come out with my poop. And I said that it would. But I asked, “Do I really want to stick a crown back in my mouth that came out my ass”? And he said, “You could boil it in hot water first”. And I thought, “Huh. He’s right”.
But that was just a little too much for me. I’m cheap, and I hate going to the dentist with all my heart and soul, but my cheapness only goes so far. AND, sometimes I get lucky and I get “the cute” dentist at my local dental barn.
I decided the best course of action would be to get it back immediately rather than waiting for it come out my bunghole. I went in the bathroom and grabbed a bucket. I certainly didn’t want to throw my crown up in the toilet and then have to flush it out of there. Coming out my asshole would have been cleaner. So down on the floor I started shoving my fingers down my throat trying to induce vomiting. After a few heavy heaves, I only amassed a few blobs of spittle. More drastic measures were needed.
I ran up to my local Walgreen’s and picked me up a jar of ipecac syrup. That shit’s tasty, yo. For real. Back in the bathroom I took a good tablespoon and a half. It was slightly more than required by label, but I had 40 minutes to get to school. After taking the dose, I re-read the label and it said, “If vomiting doesn’t occur within 30 minutes, call physician”. SHIT! I DIDN’T HAVE 30 MINUTES. I had to be to school in 40.
So I grabbed my bucket again and went in the bedroom, locked the door, and got horizontal on the bed on my stomach with my head hanging over the bed. And I proceeded to induce vomiting the Karen Carpenter way, by shoving my balled up fist down my throat.
I learned some things last night:
· I’m so cheap that I would rather vomit a crown to have re-cemented in my mouth than pay $2000 for a new one.
· I’m fear dentist…but it didn’t take the experience to realize that.
· I could never be a bulimic.
· My gag reflex isn’t nearly as shallow as I thought.
· Syrup of ipecac is actually quite tasty going down.
· “Last down” doesn’t mean “first up”.
· Church’s chicken remains in your stomach longer than 6 hours.
· I REALLY need to chew up my food better instead of swallowing large pieces.
· The spicy coating on Church’s chicken burns the fuck out of your sinus cavity when it is projected upwards at a high velocity.
· LONG after you vomit everything in your stomach, your crown STILL may not have come back up.
· If you ARE going to be bulimic, it’s a good idea to have a towel at your side, because when your fingers get coated with vomit and become slippery, it’s harder to hit that gag reflex when you’re fingers are sliding around.
· Dentist’s offices aren’t open after 5.
· Dogs will it ANYTHING.
So I never got the crown back. Not that I could see anyway. Now I’m waiting for Jed to make my morning coffee so I can run to the toilet and see what comes out that end. And then I’m going to work and calling my dental barn to see if I can get in this morning to spend the boy’s Christmas gift money on my mouth.
Brush your teeth, folks. And don’t forget to floss.
Side note: For those who don’t already know, I netted my first A of the semester in my English Comp II class. The boy is pretty AND smart…and kind write, too. Final tonight in Algebra…I won’t need much luck on it, cuz I’m the smartest geezer in the class…and I’m not just saying that because of my large ego. Professor hottie actually TOLD me so.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
December Challenge Day 9
Yet another Christmas post, this is a tour of some of my more favorite ornaments on the tree. This isn’t an inclusive photo blog, but some of my more favorite ornaments…
A parent’s tree wouldn’t be a parents tree without handmade ornaments from daycare from the kids. This is one that Nathan made last year.
This is one of both of our favorites. This was Adrian’s second year of daycare. He was, apparently, sick the day the photo was taken, but it gets put on our tree every year cuz it’s so fucking adorable.
And until this just completely falls apart, this will ALWAYS be our tree topper. It’s a reindeer made out of a toilet paper roll. The antlers of the reindeer are cut-outs of Adrian’s hands.
Every German household has a pickle ornament. It’s a tradition. I like my pickle.
Our dear friends, Leslie & Kevin, have made us ornaments for the last two years. I hope it’s a tradition that continues, because I truly look forward to them. (NO PRESSURE LESLIE!)
My folks picked up this one for us in Hawaii. Who doesn’t love a guy in a skirt?
A comic geeks house wouldn’t be complete without passing on the tradition to the kids. This is Nathan’s favorite comic book character.
And Adrian’s favorite???
There’s a Mexican game called “Lotteria”, which is a complete rip off of Bingo. Instead of letters and numbers though, they call pictures. There was a vendor at a street fair here in town a few years ago selling Lotteria ornaments. I liked this one.
Mukwanago is a small town in Wisconsin where my favorite of favorite relatives, Uncle Clyde, lives. It also happens to be very near the one horse town my mom grew up in. When we went to visit Clyde for my aunt’s funeral a couple of years ago we picked this one up.
Jed’s aunt started buying us the Radko collectable ornaments a few years ago. I think people are crazy for spending this much on single ornaments, but I really like them. They, of course, go at the very top of the tree so the boys can’t reach them.
Radko’s cupcake.
Radko’s Satan in a hammock.
Radko’s Satan checking his list.
Radko’s bionic dog.
We picked this one up earlier this year in Gruene (pronounced “Green”) Texas at a market days event. It’s a very simple collection of stars cut from a steel drum. Because nothing says Christmas like stars cut from a toxic waste drum.
And finally, I don’t even know what to say about this one. It’s so awful that I think it’s one of my favorites. The legs on this little fella are slinky like, so you can stretch them. I LOVE my hairy monkey boy.
A parent’s tree wouldn’t be a parents tree without handmade ornaments from daycare from the kids. This is one that Nathan made last year.
This is one of both of our favorites. This was Adrian’s second year of daycare. He was, apparently, sick the day the photo was taken, but it gets put on our tree every year cuz it’s so fucking adorable.
And until this just completely falls apart, this will ALWAYS be our tree topper. It’s a reindeer made out of a toilet paper roll. The antlers of the reindeer are cut-outs of Adrian’s hands.
Every German household has a pickle ornament. It’s a tradition. I like my pickle.
Our dear friends, Leslie & Kevin, have made us ornaments for the last two years. I hope it’s a tradition that continues, because I truly look forward to them. (NO PRESSURE LESLIE!)
My folks picked up this one for us in Hawaii. Who doesn’t love a guy in a skirt?
A comic geeks house wouldn’t be complete without passing on the tradition to the kids. This is Nathan’s favorite comic book character.
And Adrian’s favorite???
There’s a Mexican game called “Lotteria”, which is a complete rip off of Bingo. Instead of letters and numbers though, they call pictures. There was a vendor at a street fair here in town a few years ago selling Lotteria ornaments. I liked this one.
Mukwanago is a small town in Wisconsin where my favorite of favorite relatives, Uncle Clyde, lives. It also happens to be very near the one horse town my mom grew up in. When we went to visit Clyde for my aunt’s funeral a couple of years ago we picked this one up.
Jed’s aunt started buying us the Radko collectable ornaments a few years ago. I think people are crazy for spending this much on single ornaments, but I really like them. They, of course, go at the very top of the tree so the boys can’t reach them.
Radko’s cupcake.
Radko’s Satan in a hammock.
Radko’s Satan checking his list.
Radko’s bionic dog.
We picked this one up earlier this year in Gruene (pronounced “Green”) Texas at a market days event. It’s a very simple collection of stars cut from a steel drum. Because nothing says Christmas like stars cut from a toxic waste drum.
And finally, I don’t even know what to say about this one. It’s so awful that I think it’s one of my favorites. The legs on this little fella are slinky like, so you can stretch them. I LOVE my hairy monkey boy.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Ecemberday AllengeChay Eight ointpay ewwwwtay
I uzway eyingtray ewtay ebay ubtlesay at innerday while alkintay ewtay Edjay. I entionmayed that Athannay issmayed Antasay at oolskay this orningmay.
Jed looked at me onfusedkay and said, “(F)reddy, did you say something.”
And osay I epeatedray what I had just aysayed.
He looked at me again like I had a okstray.
I repeated it one more time.
He said, “I have NO idea what you’re saying.”
I uldn’tkay opstay aughinlay. I said, “Don’t think I’m not going to ogblay about this”! And then
I asked him if he wanted another ammichsay!
I love my ittenkay.
Off to a test...wish me luck...I think I may need it onightay.
Jed looked at me onfusedkay and said, “(F)reddy, did you say something.”
And osay I epeatedray what I had just aysayed.
He looked at me again like I had a okstray.
I repeated it one more time.
He said, “I have NO idea what you’re saying.”
I uldn’tkay opstay aughinlay. I said, “Don’t think I’m not going to ogblay about this”! And then
I asked him if he wanted another ammichsay!
I love my ittenkay.
Off to a test...wish me luck...I think I may need it onightay.
December Challenge Day 8
Christmas Vomit:
Christmas threw up over our house on Thanksgiving weekend, here’s a little tour for ya.
We’ll start with the stockings that we will all find our Satan gifts on Christmas morning. NOW I KNOW everyone is saying, “Where’s the ‘f’, where’s the ‘j’”? THINK ABOUT IT FOLKS!
Somewhere along the way Jed managed to start collecting Satan. His mommy gets him one a year. The problem is, if you’re doing the math, he should have a lot more. We think one of our former roommates accidentally took a box with them when they left. What’s left over are the Santa’s you see on top of the bookcases. Some of them I really dig.
This is our finished tree product. I don’t have the lights on in the pic, but the lights are colored. BJ I was a HUGE fan of the white lights. Jed likes colored lights, and this is a compromise I have accepted. ALSO, I like big gay trees, but Jed feels like my trees resemble more of a Liberace fingerset rather than a Christmas tree. So I’ve lost the gold wrapping. BUT I’ve also not found anything I like better, so I don’t wrap anything around the tree.
This bookcase is our main focal point in our living room. Therefore this is where we’ve staged quite a bit of our stuff. I’ll get down to the specifics below.
This is our countdown to Satan.
Jed, apparently, also collects Nativity scenes? Weird. Actually, now that I’ve said that out loud, I think one of them is mine! Bygones.
This is Jed’s nativity scene. I “like” it, but we don’t GET IT. Toothpicks? Toothpicks for a stable? For real?
This be the last of our Christmas vomit. My sister made me one of the trees a few years ago and I don’t recall where the second one came from. The Santa is another of Jed’s collections.
We’ve got some shit outside of our house too, but you may have to just cope with the loss, or perhaps I’ll do an outdoor blog in the next couple of weeks.
Christmas threw up over our house on Thanksgiving weekend, here’s a little tour for ya.
We’ll start with the stockings that we will all find our Satan gifts on Christmas morning. NOW I KNOW everyone is saying, “Where’s the ‘f’, where’s the ‘j’”? THINK ABOUT IT FOLKS!
Somewhere along the way Jed managed to start collecting Satan. His mommy gets him one a year. The problem is, if you’re doing the math, he should have a lot more. We think one of our former roommates accidentally took a box with them when they left. What’s left over are the Santa’s you see on top of the bookcases. Some of them I really dig.
This is our finished tree product. I don’t have the lights on in the pic, but the lights are colored. BJ I was a HUGE fan of the white lights. Jed likes colored lights, and this is a compromise I have accepted. ALSO, I like big gay trees, but Jed feels like my trees resemble more of a Liberace fingerset rather than a Christmas tree. So I’ve lost the gold wrapping. BUT I’ve also not found anything I like better, so I don’t wrap anything around the tree.
This bookcase is our main focal point in our living room. Therefore this is where we’ve staged quite a bit of our stuff. I’ll get down to the specifics below.
This is our countdown to Satan.
Jed, apparently, also collects Nativity scenes? Weird. Actually, now that I’ve said that out loud, I think one of them is mine! Bygones.
This is Jed’s nativity scene. I “like” it, but we don’t GET IT. Toothpicks? Toothpicks for a stable? For real?
This be the last of our Christmas vomit. My sister made me one of the trees a few years ago and I don’t recall where the second one came from. The Santa is another of Jed’s collections.
We’ve got some shit outside of our house too, but you may have to just cope with the loss, or perhaps I’ll do an outdoor blog in the next couple of weeks.
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