On the fifth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

A JOB!

Looks like my very long, unpaid, vacation is over.  I was offered a job today for a small local firm.  I’m really thrilled.  I feel like it’s going to be a great learning experience for me. 

 

A POUND

So I’ve had better weight loss weeks.  I gained a pound this week, and I’m okay with it.  I’ve still lost 38 pounds, therefore I’m still better off today than I was in August.  Truth be told, I didn’t get nearly as much exercise this week as I have in weeks past.  I was a hair lazy this past week, I’ll get back on it next week.  I guarantee you I won’t be up again next week.

 

A PLAN

The folks are coming to AusTex next weekend to have  a blow-out family birthday party.  My mommy’s birthday is Monday, mine is on the 15^th, Nates is on the 22^nd, and the Boo’s is on the 3^rd of December.  Good night, nurse!  We have a whole lotta birthdays coming up.

On the fourth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

HAIR-PEAZ

This shit’s for the birds man.  The tale-tell signs of the itchy lip means the blister is a coming.  Nothing builds your self-esteem more than unemployment and mouth herpes.  Or “fever blister”, or whatever.

 

HAIR-PEACE

I got a much needed haircut today.  GOOD GOD do I feel human again.  It was a bit embarrassing being seen out in public with the weave I had on my head and I grew tired of telling people that it was for our Halloween costume.  It was folks.  I didn’t make that up!  I had to be a young, hot Luke Skywalker.  At least I was hot.  But the 70’s hair just about killed me.  I was really pleased with the clipping I got today.  Granted it wasn’t from the BFF, Jimmy, but it was the best I could do in a lurch.  The woman who cut my hair, coincidentally, is the mother of one of Adrian’s classmates.  It’s a small, small world.

 

MAINE IS OFF THE TABLE

A sad, sad day for marriage “equality” in Maine.  I love that the folks defend “traditional marriage” don’t seem to mind the mockery celebritauntes like Britney and Pamela make out of the institution of marriage.  I suppose, as long as your straight, marriage to multiple folks (as long as it’s one at a time) is a’ight and in the vein of “traditionalism”.  Whatever.  Fuck you, the majority, who would vote on the rights of the minority. 

On the third day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

RITES OF PASSAGE

I don’t know why, but I love this picture, hard. Jed and I discussed a possible retake, but I think we have to keep it. It’s a requirement, right? To have these pictures to look back on when we’re older? It cracks me up, because I know this isn’t his smile, I know this isn’t his hair. I don’t know, exactly, what happened when this picture was taken but I loves it.

RITES OF PASSAGE, PAR DEAUX

While on the subject of Adrian and awkwardness, I had the following conversation with him last week:

ADRIAN: Daddy, I have a girlfriend

Freddy: YOU DO?!? That’s fantastic. Tell me all about her.

ADRIAN: It’s Amanda. You know Amanda.

Freddy: SOLID CHOICE ADRIAN! She’s a looker. What makes her your girlfriend?

ADRIAN: She mouth kisses me.

Freddy: WHAT?!?

ADRIAN: She mouth kisses me.

Freddy: Ummm, what does that mean exactly?

ADRIAN: DADDY! YOU know. She MOUTH KISSES ME.

I’m so not ready for this conversation. The good news is we may have given proof to the whole nurture v. nature debate? I mean, I know there’s a few years left to be certain, but I think we’re on a good roll!

0300

THAT’S WHAT TIME NATHAN GOT UP THIS MORNING. THREE IN THE MORNING. I’m only slightly bitter.

VOTER ID

I’m enrolled in a Texas State and Local Government class this semester and am doing it on-line rather than sitting in class EVERY night of the week. As part of the on-line course, I’m required to participate in a minimum of 2 “discussion groups”. Each week the Prof posts a question relating to Texas politics on-line and the class participants are supposed to discuss it. The directions for the discussion board reads as follows:

“…You must reply in a reasoned way, either in response to the forum question itself or in response to something one of your classmates has posted. ‘Reasoned’ means you’ve thought about the question and present your ideas in a coherent fashion…”

With that in mind, yesterday I logged on to participate in the Unit II discussion on voting history of Texans. This was the question, as posed:

In the most recent Texas Legislative session a bill was considered but not passed to require a photo ID in order to vote. Republicans argued that positive identification was necessary to protect against fraud, especially voting by illegal immigrants. Democrats argued its purpose was to intimidate and discourage voting, especially among the poor, minorities, and the elderly (people least likely to have photo ID's & more likely to vote Democrat). Should it be required that people produce positive identification in order to vote? It’s a fairly simple question, right? Here’s was my “reasoned” response (agree or disagree, I really don’t give a shit. I’m not putting it out here for a debate): The issue of voter ID is just another smoke screen being blown up by the legislature to keep from working on real issues. It’s another method of mobilizing their base, nothing more than a scare tactic to get people out to the polls to vote for them and keep them in office so they can keep working on absolutely nothing. Much like “the gays are going to indoctrinate your children if we allow them to legitimize their relationships”, the fear of “aliens” attacking the very nature of our culture and statehood is a brilliant way to get sheep to the voting booths. Where is the evidence of voter fraud? Why is an ID necessary? The Republicans have already seized control and flexed their dominant muscle. They’re certainly not proposing an ID to keep their voting population away from the polls. I’ve not seen any evidence of long lines of “natives” lurking outside of any polling location in recent elections. The book very clearly states that Texas has an abysmal, shameful, ridiculously low voter turn-out rate to begin with. Are those of you advocating support of a voter ID bill seriously PROUD of a 36.2 – 45.6% voter turn-out rates (p. 74) for our state and national elections? Do you enjoy being SECOND only to Louisiana in THE LOWEST NATIONAL AVERAGE VOTING POPULATION? We do NOT need to further hinder access to the voting booths. We should be ashamed of our legislatures for preying on the fear of the voters of Texas, as well as the scare tactics they’re using to keep legitimate voters away from the polls by clouding the REAL ISSUES with this nonsensical talk about IDs. Otherwise, I really don’t have an opinion one way or the other. Here are two of the other “reasoned” responses to the same question that I found humorous (cut n’ pasted with typos and all): I think that if people take the time to go to the polls and vote they should be allowed to vote. I wonder how low voter turn out would be if the the elderly and immigrants did not vote.All of the registered voters in Texas don't vote so if we take away those that do hit the polls because they don't have I.D. will that make things better? Umm, isn’t this just a restatement of the original question? And (muh favorite) It should be required that people produce positive I.D in order to vote. I don't understand how someone would be intimidated to produce an I.D unless they were either hiding from someone, or guilty. It should be required that people produce positive I.D in order to vote. I don't understand how someone would be intimidated to produce an I.D unless they were either hiding from someone, or guilty. I believe carrying a photo I.D. is a responsible thing to do, and elderly should be very aware of this. This is for the well being of a lot of people. If their is an accident or injury, they can readily be identified. Fantastic. If she’da mentioned the elderly and pre-cog injured should wear clean underwear in the event of an accident, this would be sound and ‘reasoned’ advice. Perhaps I put too much thought into it? While on the subject of Texas State & Local Government, there’s a one-sentence statement in the book: “Tolerance of Gay and Lesbian lifestyle in Texas is improving”. On the publisher’s website on their on-line practice tests there is a T/F question, “Gays and Lesbian in Texas are seeing an increase in tolerance”. Knowing the truth, I answered “False” (as I’ve watched my rights to have a legitimized relationship constitutionally stripped away from me) and wasn’t shocked to find I got the answer wrong. With the exception of this one sentence in the book, there’s no other information anywhere in the book that argues the contrary. I’d like to know what study they’re looking at. Now I’m rambling.

On the second day of Fredmas, my true love gave to me

Fall

Fall is always a mixed bag for me.  I totally dig the temperature change, and love being able to cook my all time favorite meals: Soups, chilis, and chowders.  One of the things I hated the most about dating boys from the south was the whole soup thing.  They just didn’t *get* it.  They didn’t understand the concept of soup.  Fortunately, Jed *got* it.  I love the traditional Chicken Noodle Soup (muh daddy makes the best) and my all time favorite soup is Split Pea (feel free to gag silently).  Since moving to Texas, I’ve become a huge fan of Chicken Tortilla soups (MANY varieties to choose from), and lately I’ve been experimenting with different “baked potato soup” recipes (not heart healthy, of course).  I loves me a hearty, meaty bowl of hot delicious soup, and a big old heaping helping of spicy chili, with rice, of course.  The rice is a new thing that Jed introduced.  I was a bit skeptical, at first, but am whole-heartedly a fan.

 

So I get to eat my delicious soups, again, but this darn time change has thrown me for a loop.  I suppose I should be happy with my “extra hour”, but frankly, I’m not.  It takes me forever to get adjusted to it, and I think the kids are totally oblivious to it.  Sunday, for example, they still got up at their old standard 630, but in reality it was 530.  I tried running around town to work on some of my errands, but nothing opened for a good 4 hours later and I just found the whole morning wasted.  My biggest complaint is that it gets so dark so early now.  I thought the purpose of daylight savings time was to afford us more daylight hours?  It makes no logical sense to me to have the extra daylight so early in the morning when I’m still waking up.  What’s wrong with driving to work when it’s dark outside (HAHAHA!  I said “driving to work”!  As if!) and then having some extra daylight at the end of the day when I’m fully awake?  I think the asshats that came up with this plan got it all backwards.  I think we should Fall forward and Spring back giving us more daylight at the END of the day when it is more useful and beneficial.  As it is now, I’m ready for bed at 6 in the evening when the sun goes down.  How can THAT be a good thing?

 

CRAPPY ELECTRONICS

Has anyone else noticed lately the trend in crappy electronics?  I’m thrilled the prices on things are coming down to where things are affordable, but at the cost of dependability?  Jed and I were watching a movie on the DVD player this weekend in the living room.  A little over 2/3 of the way into the movie the DVD player crapped out, so we moved it to the bedroom.  I’ll be go to hell if 10 minutes later the DVD player in the living room crapped out.  Seriously?  What the hell is wrong with this stuff?  It’s not like they’re crappy brands.  I mean, Phillips?  Didn’t they used to be good?  I guess the good news is they only cost us, like, 40 bucks each.  But it’s not just the DVD players.  Everyone who knows me knows I’m on my 5^th laptop in under two years.  I had to buy the one I’m using now at the end of the summer semester because the one I had purchased for the spring semester had started failing (monitor malfunction).  Since I needed a computer to finish up my school work, I purchased another one so that I could send the ONLY THREE MONTH OLD ONE back to be fixed and wouldn’t be computerless while they repaired it.  I gave the almost new one to Jed to replace his old one when it got back from being repaired, and NOW I’M HAVING ISSUES with my NEW one.  I realize I only paid $300 for it, but shouldn’t it last more than SIX MONTHS?  Is that the attractiveness to the new lower prices of these things?  Disposability? 

 

SUPER TUESDAY

For those of you in states that matter, I wish you the best of luck tomorrow.  PLEASE get out there and vote, even if you don’t think the issues apply to you.  Don’t sit back and let others vote for you and think that someone else is going to take care of your needs.  PLEASE get out there and vote.

On the first day of Fredmas, my true love gave to me...

I ab.so.lutely cannot believe another month has flown by and there’s only two months left to the year.  You know what that means, folks?  Yes, Fredmas is coming up quicker than you can say “do me, daddy”. 

 

This may be confusing for those of you who may already think I’m 39, but this will be my last official year of the thirties as I look ahead to the big 40.  I really can’t explain why, or how, I started aging myself up on my birthdays, but I’ve done it for longer than I can remember.  It drives Jed bonkers, but it’s just how I do.  I will officially be 39 this year, though…as always, the day after my birthday I will hold myself out as 40. 

 

I can’t tell you how forward I am looking to my 40’s.  The growing older thing doesn’t scare, or bother me, in the slightest.  Every decade I survive is better than the previous decade and it gives me nothing but hope for the future decades.  I see my life going nowhere but up.  Here’s how my decades have compared:

 

My teens were all about decadence and debauchery.  I don’t remember much about it, but I worked crappy jobs for crappy money to eat lots of crappy food and sneak in to my favorite bars with my crappy fake ID.

 

In my 20’s I began my professional career.  I made my money and spent my money like crazy acquiring “stuff”.  Stuff I thought I needed, such as music CDs, movies, books, etc., and sensible stuff, such as household furnishings.  I wasted my money on apartment rentals and worked to be able to afford happy hours and meals out with friends.  Somewhere along the way I stopped wasting money on rent and started buying and fixing up houses.

 

I spent my 30’s continuing my career, refocusing on it at times.  In fact, I’m in a position of clarity in that regard right now.  I grew tired of revolving and credit debt and figured out a plan to get rid of all my debt and pay myself, rather than pay credit companies.  I watched my savings soar and created my dream family. 

 

I have high expectations for my 40’s.  I know I can’t plan out what’s going to happen, but I have feeling of wonder and amazement as I look ahead.  Coming up in the next 11 years Adrian will be hitting SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, Nate will be hitting FIFTEEN.  Adrian has already started talking about his “girlfriend” and how she likes to “mouth kiss” (something I’m SO not ready to discuss yet!).   Big, exciting changes are coming.  And I’m ready to embrace whatever life has to throw at me. 

 

So happy first day of Fredmas, I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.

It's the Great Pumpkin, Chuck

How fun it is the boys are at that age where they can start participating in the fun things in life AND stay awake (and mostly pleasant) while doing it. I love the fact that Adrian decided to make one of his pumpkin’s eyes a rectangle and one a triangle. I wish I had another set of hands so that I could have snapped a picture of their reaction when I pulled off the top of the pumpkins and screamed. It was priceless.

USE THE FORCE, LUKE
We did our annual family dress up for gay Christmas this year. What were we???

Happy Halloween, y’all. For real.

I like to write, truly, I do

As I found myself commiserating with a dear, sweet, fat friend of mine the other night about an interviewing process that I’ve been going through the past couple of weeks, I said something that, apparently struck him as funny. I said, “I had to have a writing test the other day wherein I was given an assignment to write a 10-minute biography of my professional experience (as “CV”, if you will) and it drove me bonkers because I really hate to write serious stuff about myself AND I hate being given a topic.” Fat Walt said, “For someone who likes to write, your blog sure doesn’t show it. It’s grown cobwebs.” Hateful, huh? God, Walt. It’s not like I’m sitting home all day watching “The View” (YAAAAAY, ELIZABETH’S BACK!!!) Oh wait, I am.

Nothing like being called out on the carpet for laziness to give my readers a gift of a post. I present to you, a recap.

UPDATE ON THE DIET CONTEST
Yes, we’re all still participating. Jed has lost a whopping 27 pounds. Leslie has lost…ummm, well I’ll let her tell you. I’ve lost 37 pounds as of this morning. I’ve been posting updates along the way on my Facebook page, but I realize some of you lurkers aren’t friends of mine on MyFace, so here’s the deets.

Many folks have asked, “GOOD GOD FAT ASS, HOW THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS? Have you been using laxatives? Are you ‘doin’ the Carpenter’? Are you still eating? Have you been exercising? What did you start at? How much further do you want to go? Will you have sex with me now that you can see your penis again? When are you going to post pics?”

So, let me play Dear Abby here for a second.

Good God Fat Ass, how the fuck have you been doing this? This is going to sound AB.SO.LUTELY ridiculous, so go empty your bladder. We bought a Wii and the Wii Fit and started “playing” video games! FOR REALS. I’m not making that up. The first few weeks of the Wii I sweat my balls off. It’s really what started getting me motivated. And while I enjoy the Wii Fit programs, and still do them, I felt that it didn’t provide me with much resistance insofar as toning, etc. (other than using my own body weight in the form of push-ups). So I was looking into the other programs available and found the EA Sports Active and it seriously kicked my ass. It was like having a less-hot version of “Biggest Loser Bob” in my living room. It works you through a standard circuit-style exercise program focusing on each muscle group, and the program itself actually came with a resistance band to simulate lifting weights. And while the band provide resistance, a 3 month old could have stretched it out to its maximum capacity, so we bought stronger resistance bands. All that to say, through video games I’ve been building wee little (or should I say "wii little" muscles and burning fat.

We’ve also been watching what we eat. The funny thing is we’re still eating pretty much the same things, just healthier versions of it and a LOT less. IF we do happen to go out to eat, Jed and I only get one thing and split it between us instead of each ordering our own thing. I’d say, on average, we’re hitting about 2000 calories/day and exercising 30-60 minutes/day. I forgot to mention above, both the Wii Fit and the EA Sports Active have “multi-player” functionality, so we can both exercise together.

Have you been using laxatives? No.

Are you ‘doin’ the Carpenter’? Don’t make fun of the dead. You’ll go to hell.

Are you still eating? See above.

Have you been exercising? See above.

What did you start at? The official start weight was 225.4 pounds.

How much further do you want to go? I’d like to be at 140 by Christmas.

Will you have sex with me now that you can see your penis again? Are you kidding? I’m skinner than you now, and now you repulse me.

When are you going to post pics? You must not have been on Xtube recently.

So for the curiosity seekers, I give you:

Phat Phreddy Before<---------------------------->Phat Phreddy After

UPDATE ON THE JOB
I’ve been enjoying my time off. I have been interviewing recently. In fact, one position that I’m interested in I’ve had three interviews in the last week, and have another one scheduled the day after gay Christmas. Hopefully I’ll be a contributing member of my family again soon.

KIDS
Adrian has a girlfriend.

Nathan is toilet trained.

JED
Is the most awesome and amazing man. Every single one of you should be jealous.

ANYTHING ELSE?
Nah, not tonight. As I’ve taught Adrian, “You git what you git and you don’t throw a fit”.