Monday, January 18, 2010

I am "The Biggest Loser" and true confessions

Folks, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. 


So…after my amazing 40 pound weight loss, I took a wee bit of a break.  Okay, I’ve taken a month and a half off.  I haven’t Wii’d since January 6th.  Feeling a bit lethargic lately, I told Jed that I wanted to get back into it on Friday.  “Why Friday,” he asked?  I said, “Because that’d give me Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to really get back into it.”


But what game to play next?  EA Sports Active completely reshaped my body, mind, and spirit.  I had energy.  I had dropped down 6 inches in my pants (no pun intended).  What would I do?  My choices: EA Sports Active, More Workouts; The Biggest Loser; Jillian Michaels: Ultimate Fitness 2010 (and something else I can’t see from the couch right now). 


I decided on The Biggest Loser.  It makes me feel good when I watch it on TV.  Bob makes me want to snuggle with him and lick his spleen.  Jillian wants me to teach her how to tuck her wee wee properly as to not be quite so bitchy.  (Being friends with drag queens, I’ve learned a little over the years.)


So I bust out my Wii Fitness Board, pop in The Biggest Loser, erase my previously stored profile and start afresh.  And I’ll be go to mother fucking hell if I hadn’t gained SEVEN POINT THREE POUNDS in the last 6 weeks!  WHAT.THE.FUCK!?!  Tell me, honestly.  Are enchiladas really THAT bad? 


I reset my profile to start the program over…okay, I’ll be honest.  I reset my profile to start the program.  And it was hard, yo.  Seriously, at one point Jed asked me if I wanted him to call a bambulance.  (And I would have let him if my new insurance paid for it!). 


By the end of the 30-minute session I was crying.  I had to Windex my television because I, not once, but thrice, shat on the screen while doing lunge-squat-pelvic-thrusts. 


(And as I’m typing this, Jed’s doing his first 30 minute program since the first week of December AND he’s crying and…hold on…he just shit on the tv.  I gotta run.)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

When is a good deal not such a good deal?

I got a wee bit excited when I checked my email yesterday.  I had gotten an email from Disneyworld touting their most current “promotional deal” that, at first glance, caused me to instantly change our plans of waiting to take the boys to the land of Dis until they were a bit older.  We’ve discussed waiting at least another year, until the boys were old enough to *get* it, but this deal was so shitastic that I would be a fool to pass it up. 


The *deal* included airfare, hotel, multi-day ‘park-hopper’ tickets for each person to all Disney properties AND (THE BEST PART) “a $750 Disney Giftcard” that could be used for Disney merchandise and/or food at any Disney property and/or merchant.  HELLS YEAH, I’ll sell my soul to Uncle Walt (not to be confused with the boys’ UNCLE WALT!) for a free $750.


I log onto SWA’s website to book my travel.  And I notice, in the fine print, that in order to get *the deal*, you must book a room that is clearly marked “sale” or “Free $750 Gift Card Promotion” in order to secure *the deal*.


If you’ve ever tried to book a vacation package on Southwest Airline’s website, or any other travel site’s website, you already know that finding the specific items you need to book in order to get *the deal* takes a PHD in bullshit and linguistics.  I was able to book any room at any Disney property, but none of the rooms were marked “sale” or “Free $750 Gift Card Promotion”.  It took me a good hour and fully-charged battery before I FINALLY figured out that you had to first book the resort you wanted and then choose “upgrade room” to find the rooms that were marked as directed to actually get *the deal*.  Imagine my shock when I learned that the “sale rooms” were EIGHT HUNDRED AND FORTY THREE DOLLARS MORE than the “regularly priced rooms”.  In other words, I wouldn’t be getting a “free” $750 gift card, I would actually be paying for the gift card myself, in advance, for $93 MORE than the value of the gift card. 


Seriously?  Do people actually do that?  Do they actually fool themselves into believing they’re getting a “great deal” and book this vacation package?  I’d just assume take the room/package at the regular price and pocket my own $843 cash and be able to spend the money the way (and in place I want to) rather than be forced to pre-pay merchandise/food on a Disney “gift” card.  Like, I could stop by a McDonald’s on my way into a Disney property and pay $17 for a crappy breakfast for my entire family with my own money than go to a Disney buffet and pay $47/person using their “gift” card. 


Honestly.  I’d love to hear from someone who has purchased this *deal*!