On the tenth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

OLD HOUSES TRULY DO SUCK BALLS

I’ve always had a pet peeve relating to businesses who take fabulous old houses near the centers of downtowns and turn them into businesses.  In hindsight, it may have been a little bit of jealousy that I couldn’t afford one and wished I could be working in one?  Now that I’m working in one, I can tell you, they truly do suck balls.  And not in a good way.

 

My second day on the job, and I’m having issue with the location.  Not enough of an issue that it’s going to be a deal killer for me, but an issue nonetheless.  So my new office is in an old two bedroom one bathroom house smack dab in the middle of downtown.  The former living room is now the reception area; the former dining room is now a conference room/office space for the junior associate; one of the bedrooms is one of the “adult” lawyer’s office; the other bedroom is the other adult lawyer’s office.  My office is located off the back of the ORIGINAL kitchen of the house, what I imagine, at one time, was the laundry room.  The washer and dryer have been removed.  My issue is with THE BATHROOM.  The firm has the original 1940’s bathroom, it’s been upgraded with new tile and fresh paint over the years.  It still has its original (working) tub.  It’s clean.  It doesn’t look as shitty as MY 1940’s bathroom. 

 

While I have an enormous bladder stem, I have a microscopic bladder.  And I’ve had to rethink my coffee intake.  My first day on the job I peed no fewer than 20 times in a two hour period.  I’m sure I made quite the first impression.  And every time I have to go to the bathroom, I have to clomp through the old house, on the hard wood floors, with my big heavy steel-toed boots…basically announcing to EVERYONE in the office, “Hey, Frederick’s going to the can…again.”  Heaven help me the day I ever have to pooh. 

 

For those who don’t know, the first year I knew Jed I made him go outside of my house whenever I had to pooh.  I have issues.  There were days that he said, “But we’re under a tornado watch…” and I just shrugged my shoulders and told him I didn’t care.  I had to pooh and couldn’t have anyone in the house while I did it.  I’ve lightened up, a bit, since having kids…but I’m trying to think of a polite way to ask my new co-workers if they’d mind stepping outside of the office in the event I have an emergency. 

 

Next time you find yourself bitter about those old houses, count your blessings.

On the ninth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

A BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT

To my mommy.  Yes, folks, the woman who spit me out her vajayjay periodically reads my blog from time to time.  She says it saves her money on a perm, cuz what she sees and reads periodically curls her hair.  Muh mommy had a birthday today, and to quote Adrian, “DAYUHM WOMAN!  SIXTY-THREE?  That’s Oooooold”.  We started the day off with a call to granny, Adrian singing “Happy Birthday to daddy’s mommy” and then counting ALL.THE.WAY. to 63!

 

A JOB OF THE NON-BLOW VARIETY

Today was the first day on the job, and it was your typical first day at a law firm.  The first 3 hours were spent trying to get access to the computra network, mixed in with a little “this is what we expect from ya”, and a little bit of “this is what I expect from the y’all”.  I’ve being granted quite a bit of responsibility in my new digs.  I’ve even been given a key to the office.  After lunch, I was thrown full-on into the fiery pits of hell with a gaggle of tasks, which I barely finished before daycare closed.  But it was so nice to be busy, productive, needed, and appreciated again.  I don’t like the fact that I’m not getting home until after dark again, and missing out on some quality afternoon kid-time, but we’ll work something out!  I may need to adjust the boys sleepy time schedules to accommodate my need for squeals of delight, and crazy mad games of chutes and ladders.

 

TURKEY CHILI

Knowing full well I wouldn’t be home in time to make dinner for the family, I dusted off my crock pot and pulled out some old favorite recipes so I wouldn’t have to mess with dinner when I got home.  I made a delicious pot of turkey chili.  It was so good, in fact, I didn’t even have to force feed the kids.  Of course that could have had something to do with the fact that it was 2 hours after our “normal” dinner time, but…  Dear BESSIE, do I love my crock pot!  Got any recipes you care to throw at me?

On the eighth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

ASTROBOY (***SPOILER ALERT)

I wanted to give Jed a break today, so he could study, and decided to take the boys to a movie.  They’ve been asking to see “Astroboy” sine McDonald’s switched out their toy give-a-ways in their Happy Meals this month.  The previews looked cute enough.  I felt like it was going to be a modern day version of Pinocchio.  The beginning of the movie caught me a little off-guard.  Cuz I thought Astroboy was a robot and was surprised to see that he was already a “real boy”…a real boy who dies in a horrible industrial accident while he’s trying to get his workaholic douche nozzle dad’s attention.  That was BIG fun explaining to Adrian in the theater.  Following the death of his son, douche nozzle feels like a dick and decides to build a robot version of his son to make up for being a shitty father and relieve some of his guilt.  Except for the sobbing at the beginning, Adrian actually enjoyed most of the rest of the movie.  Nathan never stopped sobbing.  Fun times.

 

KERBEY LANE

We said our farewells to Amy this morning after a delicious breakfast at Kerbey Lane.  We ended up having to go to the location on the drag this morning because there was a 3 hour wait at the Kerbey Lane location.  The drag location kind of skeeves me out a bit.  Perhaps it’s because I obsessively watch KVUE’s “Food For Thought” segment and have seen that location on it twice when they’ve failed their city health inspections.

 

SLACKER

I have NO idea what to do for Nathan’s birthday this year.  My folks are coming down next weekend to celebrate his birthday and may be expecting some time of party…but I’ve not planned anything and have no idea what to do.  Suggestions?  He’ll be four, so strippers are definitely out this year.

On the seventh day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

WURSTFEST!
We had to skip the fabulous 10-day Salute to beer and sausage last year, but we made up for it this year! Yes, sir! We hit Wurstfest 2009 this weekend and had a super fantastic time.



For starters, when planning our little weekend, Jed asked if I had talked to our Amy about going with us. Huh?!? I hadn’t thought about it, but no sooner had the question mark been placed at the end of his sentence I had her on the speed dial asking her if she wanted to join us. She jumped at the chance to see me down a bratwurst and drove all the way up from Houston to play with us for the day.

Amy mentioned on the way into the festival that one of the main reasons she wanted to come with us is that she “so loved the picture of me deep-throating a bratwurst” from Wurstfest 2007 and she wanted to be part of that magic. I had to oblige.



And she returned the favor…



We had so much fabulous food (in no particular order)…


The Wurstcone


The funnel Cake


The beer


Did I mention the beer?

Amy and I danced like mad fiends to “Roll Out The Barrell”



SERIOUSLY.MAD.FIENDS



Adrian and daddy got to ride the Ferris wheel while Nathan, Poppa, and Amy got to ride the carousel. Amy even found someone she wanted to date!



It was such a super fantastic family fun day.



Both Amy and I even found some Wurstfest schwag!!!



I HAD to have this!



It even looks better from behind!



The weather was great, the food and beer was delicious, and we couldn’t have asked for better company. More pictures of the day follow, hope you enjoy.

On the sixth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

A POWER NAP

I took my last nap of unemployment today and woke up feeling refreshed and anxious about the amount of things that I could have gotten done over the last 7 months, but didn’t.  The good news is, now I’m making money again and can afford to pay someone to do it for me! 

 

DINNER AT SAGO

One of our new favorite places to eat here in town is Sago.  DELICIOUS “modern Mexican”.  We went tonight for a celebratory dinner of margaritas, brisket quesadillas, shrimp salad, and hot dogs.  I love the fact that, before 8, everything on the menu is so dirt cheap.  For all we got tonight, we didn’t spend a whole lot.  It was worth every.single.penny.

 

FAMILY

I’m reminded tonight of how truly grateful I am for my wonderful family, and my friends who are my family.  We’ve had a tremendous amount of support over the last 7 months from so many people that I couldn’t possibly thank everyone enough for all they mean to me.  When you come from having so much to having “nothing”, you realize how much you really do have in life and how little you really need to maintain a wonderful quality of life when you have so many awesome people to share your life with you.  Take a moment to sit back and count your many blessings.  (And that’s not just the two margaritas talking…or maybe it is!)

On the fifth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

A JOB!

Looks like my very long, unpaid, vacation is over.  I was offered a job today for a small local firm.  I’m really thrilled.  I feel like it’s going to be a great learning experience for me. 

 

A POUND

So I’ve had better weight loss weeks.  I gained a pound this week, and I’m okay with it.  I’ve still lost 38 pounds, therefore I’m still better off today than I was in August.  Truth be told, I didn’t get nearly as much exercise this week as I have in weeks past.  I was a hair lazy this past week, I’ll get back on it next week.  I guarantee you I won’t be up again next week.

 

A PLAN

The folks are coming to AusTex next weekend to have  a blow-out family birthday party.  My mommy’s birthday is Monday, mine is on the 15^th, Nates is on the 22^nd, and the Boo’s is on the 3^rd of December.  Good night, nurse!  We have a whole lotta birthdays coming up.

On the fourth day of Fredmas my true love gave to me

HAIR-PEAZ

This shit’s for the birds man.  The tale-tell signs of the itchy lip means the blister is a coming.  Nothing builds your self-esteem more than unemployment and mouth herpes.  Or “fever blister”, or whatever.

 

HAIR-PEACE

I got a much needed haircut today.  GOOD GOD do I feel human again.  It was a bit embarrassing being seen out in public with the weave I had on my head and I grew tired of telling people that it was for our Halloween costume.  It was folks.  I didn’t make that up!  I had to be a young, hot Luke Skywalker.  At least I was hot.  But the 70’s hair just about killed me.  I was really pleased with the clipping I got today.  Granted it wasn’t from the BFF, Jimmy, but it was the best I could do in a lurch.  The woman who cut my hair, coincidentally, is the mother of one of Adrian’s classmates.  It’s a small, small world.

 

MAINE IS OFF THE TABLE

A sad, sad day for marriage “equality” in Maine.  I love that the folks defend “traditional marriage” don’t seem to mind the mockery celebritauntes like Britney and Pamela make out of the institution of marriage.  I suppose, as long as your straight, marriage to multiple folks (as long as it’s one at a time) is a’ight and in the vein of “traditionalism”.  Whatever.  Fuck you, the majority, who would vote on the rights of the minority.