Monday, January 18, 2010

I am "The Biggest Loser" and true confessions

Folks, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. 


So…after my amazing 40 pound weight loss, I took a wee bit of a break.  Okay, I’ve taken a month and a half off.  I haven’t Wii’d since January 6th.  Feeling a bit lethargic lately, I told Jed that I wanted to get back into it on Friday.  “Why Friday,” he asked?  I said, “Because that’d give me Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to really get back into it.”


But what game to play next?  EA Sports Active completely reshaped my body, mind, and spirit.  I had energy.  I had dropped down 6 inches in my pants (no pun intended).  What would I do?  My choices: EA Sports Active, More Workouts; The Biggest Loser; Jillian Michaels: Ultimate Fitness 2010 (and something else I can’t see from the couch right now). 


I decided on The Biggest Loser.  It makes me feel good when I watch it on TV.  Bob makes me want to snuggle with him and lick his spleen.  Jillian wants me to teach her how to tuck her wee wee properly as to not be quite so bitchy.  (Being friends with drag queens, I’ve learned a little over the years.)


So I bust out my Wii Fitness Board, pop in The Biggest Loser, erase my previously stored profile and start afresh.  And I’ll be go to mother fucking hell if I hadn’t gained SEVEN POINT THREE POUNDS in the last 6 weeks!  WHAT.THE.FUCK!?!  Tell me, honestly.  Are enchiladas really THAT bad? 


I reset my profile to start the program over…okay, I’ll be honest.  I reset my profile to start the program.  And it was hard, yo.  Seriously, at one point Jed asked me if I wanted him to call a bambulance.  (And I would have let him if my new insurance paid for it!). 


By the end of the 30-minute session I was crying.  I had to Windex my television because I, not once, but thrice, shat on the screen while doing lunge-squat-pelvic-thrusts. 


(And as I’m typing this, Jed’s doing his first 30 minute program since the first week of December AND he’s crying and…hold on…he just shit on the tv.  I gotta run.)


Kevin said...


Kay said...

Awww, congrats on getting back on task! I did my first miles outside since the half marathon. Felt like I had the lungs of a TB patient.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I stumble here but I'm glad I did. You're a walking advertisement for Wii fit, makes me want to run out and get one!

Anonymous said...

That's fantastic. Except I love Jillian!

Mommy With a Penis said...

Enchiladas squats are the worst!

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