Friday, March 27, 2009

Can you hear me now?

I will make no effort to claim any sort of originality in this post, as I am positive this topic has been touched on by many other bloggers. This, however, is my own take so do with it what you will.

There are a number of places where cell phone conversations are not only inappropriate, but any persons violating the common courtesy rule should be immediately killed. There is a time and a place for a telephone conversation, none of these places are 'the place'.

When you're taking a shit, or any other toileting duties (IE: taking a piss, brushing your teeth, showering, bathing, flossing, exfoliating). I can't tell you how many times I have walked into the bathroom at work and have heard attorneys on the phone while they're popping a squat on the throne. Do you honestly think people want to hear you blowing air out of your ass while youre talking to them on the phone? What's more, is what you have to say so important that you can't wait until youre done washing your hands to have a conversation about what you want for dinner? And don't think you're fooling anyone when you say, "Hold on, I've got another call coming in"...(place phone on mute, flush, return to conversation). We got your number. You know what I like to do while I'M taking a shit and someone is talking on their cell phone??? I flush the toilet. REPEATEDLY. To let the person on the other end of the phone know that the asshole they're talking to is in the bathroom.

At a funeral. You would think this goes without saying, but I was actually at a funeral recently where not only someone's cell phone rang, but the tart actually had the audacity to answer the call. She thought she was being discrete as she said, "I can't really talk right now, I'm at a funeral. Six? Yeah, I can meet you at Chili's at 6." Have some respect for the decedents family people. Leave your cell phone in the car, or at least turn it off. At this same funeral, there were scores of other tarts text messaging through the funeral. This falls under the same category as actual phone calls as far as I'm concerned.

In a car. I've bitched and moaned about this in other blogs so I won't take too much time with it here. Before any of my IRL friends pipe up, I'll also admit that I OCCASSIONALLY break this rule too. But I don't do it while I'm trying to fix my hair while balancing a double cheese burger in my lap and holding onto a soda. If you can't stay within a lane of traffic while you're talking on a phone, or change lanes without clipping the car beside you, STAY OFF YOUR PHONE WHILE YOURE DRIVING.

When you're placing an order at any food place. Look, if you don't know what the person you're ordering for wants before you get there, don't waste the time of every person standing behind you reading off the entire menu to the person on your phone. At least have the courtesy to step back and let those of us who know what we want order before you.

At a movie theater or any type of live theater. Do you honestly think the requests at the beginning of a movie that say, "Please turn off your cell phones now" don't apply to you? I do not pay $10.50/ticket to sit and listen to you tell your friends that you're watching the new Harry Potter film and talk about how cool the special effects are and give them a play-by-play of the movie. Let them pay their own $10.50 to come watch it for themselves.

While some guy is getting ready to blow a load into any of your body openings. I know I'm not the only person who watched in horror as Paris Hilton climbed off her boyfriend's dick to answer her cell phone. If your sex partner has bored you so much that you have to answer your phone, please at least have the courtesy to fake the "O" to let him know you're done and just be done with the act entirely. Don't answer the phone and then climb back on to finish.

And finally, any time you are have a real live conversation with a real live person that happens to be sitting in front of you, have a little respect for that person. I can't tell you how many times I've felt sorry for a person when I'm out and see the person they're with chatting non-stop on the phone. It's rude, it's disrespectful. That person has taken time out of their day to spend time with you. Not sit there and listen to you make plan B.

Here's a newsflash in case you haven't figured it out yet. If someone calls you on your cell phone, there is a little thing called a call log that will let you know who called and when. When it's appropriate you can call that person back and have as much air time with that person as you need. Do it on your own time people, not at the benefit of everyone else around you. Oh, and if you HAVE to have a phone conversation in public, remember, IT'S A CELL PHONE, not a megaphone. YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL to let people know what youve got to say. 9 times out of 10 its not that important anyway.

15 comments:

leogirl77 said...

So does inappropriate place #1 count if your talking and taking a shit at the same time to annoy and gross out the person on the other end of the phone?? LOL

Maelstrom said...

Haha, I break the car one pretty frequently. I drive an hour each way to work and sometimes the radio or CDs just don't do the job of keeping me from dozing off and introducing my face to a telephone pole.

I agree with all the rest. That flushing repeatedly if someone else is on the phone in a restroom is a great idea though.

Anonymous said...

I have one helpful suggestion. Bluetooth.

Jane from Boston

Walt said...

Don't even get me started on telephone etiquette. Every single topic you touched on gets my blood boiling and makes me start to rage. Just ask Ken.

Bjorn said...

you are so right. i love to make snide comments about the user just loud enough for them to hear.

i've told my toliet fone stories before

i also hate people texting while talking to me.

me or the phone asshole! pick one!

Chad said...

I know someone who will answer the phone while having sex and will not stop. He once notoriously said to someone "Sorry, I've got to flip Mark over." during a phone call.

Kay said...

Ummm...and who tweets constantly while in the car with me?

Bella Daddy said...

And the grocery store check out...or ANY checkout...you end up being a captive audience to someones else's (usually loud) conversation....although I care your recent Dr's visit diagnosed a highly contagious virus, I would rather not hear it while being held hostage in line...

Kudos to you!

johnmichael said...

Yup, I agree with you. I think cell phones are more a nuisance than a convenience.

SistersTalk said...

I agree with BellaDaddy. I HATE standing behind someone in the checkout who's on their cell phone.

I also hate it when a friend answers their phone while we're in the middle of a conversation.

Melanie said...

People talk on the phone in the bathroom at my work, which just flabbergasts me -- it's like, "Oh, hey, yeah, I'm taking a leak, so how are you?"

Anonymous said...

Why don't you blog anymore? I miss your posts.

Cassie

TraceyLeigh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TraceyLeigh said...

a personal peeve of mine is when people come to drop of a prescription and stay on the phone while I try to ask them important questions. I've gotten to the point where I just ignore the fact that they are standing there and wait on others behind them. When the look at me and say I was here first I respond with oh I was waiting until you were finished with that obviously important phone call.. pisses them off and makes me feel better.. probably gonna get me fired.. but oh well!

Mocha Dad said...

I fully agree!!!