Monday, May 24, 2010

Not gay as in "happy", but queer as in fuck you - J.E.M.

***NOTE: This blog will more than likely be offensive to many people racially, sexually, and otherwise. If you're the sensitive type, feel free to stop reading now. If you disagree, feel free to comment. These are FREDDY'S thoughts, and not necessarily the thoughts of every faggot out there.

Homosexuals have adopted a rainbow colored flag to represent their position of diversity and acceptance. As a gay man, I'm here to tell you that the umbrella of inclusiveness is total horseshit. In society there is a mix of racial and ethnic backgrounds, and in the gay culture it's broken down even further by type. There are many different types of gays. The whole reason I'm writing this is because of a seminar that Jed and I attended a few months ago put on by Equality Texas that was supposed to be about gay parenting in the media. In my opinion, the seminar was anything but.

One of the presenters of this seminar was a member of ALLGRO here in Austin, which is basically a social network for gay and lesbian Latino/Latina business people...I THINK. Note the use of "Latino/Latina", not Mexican, not Hispanic. This will be very important in a few minutes. The seminar ended up being very divisive and pointed out some flaws within the gay community itself. You see, we, the gay community, can't even get along with ourselves. There was a dear sweet woman from PFLAG at this seminar who was chastised by the presenters for daring use the word Hispanic. Apparently it’s no longer P.C. to use this term. Now they want to be labeled Latino/Latina. This is the problem with labels. Nobody hands out a memo that says, "Uh, hey. You can't call us that any more. Now you must call us (fill in the blank)."

I get crap all the time for calling myself a faggot. You know what? Fuck you. I'll call myself what I want. To me, calling myself a faggot has the same effect that black people learned a long time ago. It takes away the power from the word and makes it less offensive. However I'm not sure what you’re supposed to call black people any more. We all know to stay away from the dreadful "N". But now when I say African American I get chastised by friends and am told that's not correct any longer, because they aren't African. Part of the problem with society in general is that nobody can make up their minds what THEY want to be called. Pick a label and stick with it. But don't get offended if I call you something that I’ve been programmed to call you. I don't call somebody something to intentionally be offensive, but if I've called you a particular label, it's because at some point in my process of learning, this is what I've been told by one of your people that this is what you want to be called. When I first realized my gayness back in the early 80s, our community was called GLT or Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered. A few years later the bisexuals (don't EVEN get me started) pitched a fit because they didn't fit into any of those categories, so it was changed to GLBT. I found out a few months ago at this seminar that it’s now called GLBTQQ, because the people who hadn't decided what the fuck they were wanted to be included so the wanted "queer questioning" added to it. This, in and of itself is contradictory, because are we gay, or queer? So who are we?

Leather Daddies/S&M Queens/Bears: You've all seen them. These are the folks that the media opts to choose to portray every time there’s a gay pride parade in your neighborhood. These are the fags that parade around in chaps, leather harnesses, stylish leather caps, and lead their partners around by a leash. These are the people that the media would like you to believe we all are. I have news for you readers. Freddy has never accepted anyone's fist into his anus. We are not all, nor are all leather daddies, freaks like that. Yes, they're out there. But their numbers are small. I have never led Jed around by a leash. I have never strapped him down in 4 point restraints and placed a ball gag in his mouth. And as far as I know, he has never worn a leather hood with a zipper over his mouth.

Drag Queens/Cross-Dressers/Entertainers: This is the second largest group of people who hog the media attention at the parades. If middle-America doesn't already believe that every homo is a leather stud, then they think we all put on a dress so we can look like Celine Dion and lip sync to bad music. Freddy, again, has never worn a dress or make-up. I have, however sang along to Madonna and a few other female singers. This does not make me an entertainer, this just makes me a Karaoke whore. Don't make the mistake of assuming or calling DQs Trannies, because this is a whole separate category.

Trannies/Transexuals/Transgendered: These are the folks that feel that they were born the wrong gender and choose to do something about it. My heart goes out to these people. I've met some wonderful trannies in my life and they have all of my respect. What I don't get are the sub-culture of trannies that undergo so much to become the opposite sex, and THEN decide to become a homosexual. Yes. There are men who have become women only to become a lesbian. WTF?

Gym Bunny/Steroid Queens: These are the queers that try their bestest to look like mainstream America, pumping iron in the gym 6 hours/day, 9 days/week. We all know the truth about these queers, the only reason they spend so much time at the gym is they have the personality of a lettuce leaf, and the gym is the best place to look at half-naked men (or fully naked men if they're hanging out in the pun intended). Tragically, these men look FABULOUS from a distance, but then they speak and a purse falls out of their mouth. Must be the steroids.

Abercrombie/Pretty Boys: This is actually representative of the largest segment of our population. Who doesn't want to look good, smell good, taste good? Me. That's who. I’m an Old Navy kind of queer. I hate ironing, and I enjoy feeling comfortable. I am the anti-Abercrombie. I'm the queer that Abercrombie queers take on as their "ugly friend". Eyebrow waxing is painful to me. I just want to be me.

Effeminant/Flamboyant Queers: Everybody has an idea of what these people are. It's Robin Williams in The Birdcage; it's that queer in the pink shirt that was on Deal or No Deal this last Tuesday night. I've got a news flash for you people. I can't arrange flowers. I'm not exactly sure what Flan is. Yeah, I can cook, and yes, I do own Caphalon, but I am NOT a effeminate man. I change my own oil. I change my own tire. I've never had a mani/pedi (though I do know what they are). I drink shitty beer from a can. I can burn meat on the grill like nobody’s business.

"A" Gays: These guys are just assholes and not even worth talking about. They're the ones who think they're better than everyone else and are the lowest form of homosexual you can imagine.

What's my point? I don’t know that I've got one. I'll be the first to admit that I don't have any friends in any of the sub-categories I've mentioned above. It's not that I don't like these people. Call me "gayicst" if you will. I just don't find that I have anything in common with any of them. I don't think dick is enough of a commonality for me to want to hang out with these people on a regular basis. However, I fully realize that in order for us to gain acceptance with the general population, we must first work on organizing and appreciating the differences that make us unique. In that regard, I'm going to start opening up my mind to my own people. Only when we can accept our own group will we find acceptance with everyone else. It's going to take all of us working together to make a change. Just please, for the love of God, don't add any more letters to what we want to be called. It's confusing enough as it is. Everyone out there can call me what they wish. Queer, fag, faggot, gay, homo. I don't really care. As long as you just call me, you can even call me (F)reddy.


TwinKim said...

Oh, hell, no one told me that we're not Hispanic anymore! I don't fit anywhere. Not white, not Hispanic, not Latina, not completely straight yet married to a man, not a total orca but not physically fit. Not a diva but not to be taken lightly. Crap. Is there just a "Me" category??

Walt said...

People ruin everything. There are some people out there whose entire purpose is to bitch and moan about the stupidest things and feel superior by making others feel like shit.

I hate labels and don't really feel like I fit in any one category, and that's probably why I don't feel like I fit in. But I don't give a shit, either.

Anonymous said...

I guess labels are helpful so that people can form an idea about you. The term Hispanic is so generic. I don't have much in common with someone from the Pampas of Argentina. I would never correct someone though. I have plenty of Anglo friends/relations whose Spanish and knowledge of Mexico is far superior to mine. I just say I'm Mexican and let it go at that.

I feel your pain. My stepmom got kicked out of a charitable group for not being Latina. I still get mad about that.

Sean said...

Try being a nearly 40, non-home-owning,childless, nudist, athiest, comic collecting, muppet music loving not butch-or-fem bottom-acting-top non-monogamous married gay man ACOA with a compulsive obsessive need to fix things and be liked who loves to cook, sing, dance and sew and can't actually do any of them. Talk about feeling like you don't fit in. I think we just need to be careful that, although we can dis lables and the attempts to pigeon hole people or communites ( as we should) we should still try to find a way to respect people for who or what they are or even for what they identify as. If it works for them, so be it. For every "freak" or "wierdo" out there you're struggling to understand or just outright rejecting, there's someone doing the same to you just for being a 'mo. (I don't mean you specifically, I mean you generally.)I get called PC a lot because I try to talk about and treat people with respect even if I don't identify with them. I think the intent is more important than the content, so I always try to understand where people are coming from and approach from a place of sincere respect for others. I don't mind being gently corrected if I offend someone, but I do mind being openly attacked and berated as if I intended to be insulting. I do agree, though, that we spend more time putting up walls than we do building bridges. I love my people and for their rich diversity and awareness of themselves, but hate how divided we've come. We all need to take a breath and remind ourselves, in the end, we're all just people trying to make our way and it would be easier if we did it together than apart.

And don't go knockin' my rainbow flag, punk! I'll cut a bitch. Rainbows are pretty!

Now, about those damn parents interupting my dinners and movies with their out-of-control children

Andrew said...

Very interesting post. Unfortunately, all the labels you've listed are the only gay people we can spot. Almost all of my gay friends vary widely among the human spectrum! Gay people are just like straight people. We come in various shapes and sizes and personalities. The only thing I see that ties us together is a sense of discrimination and a bond we share by finally KNOWING we are not alone.

And I do agree that the GLBTQQIUTTT is a bit excessive.

Nessa said...

Papi, I am proud of you. I wish people would let people be. I really do blame TV/movies for only portraying people as one way to the general audience. Up until five years ago, I didn't know that there were folk like you or Walt or big fatty. I thought gay folk were what I was shown on TV.

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Jesson And Rey Ann said...

nice post

Jana a Martin said...

Hi, i have one question... I am from Czech republic in Europe and in our country is not possible to adopt child if you are in homosexual relationship.. Do you have an adopted child? In our country is now big discussion (at academic field - i am studying social work) and i am courios what are reactions in your neighborhood? Thanks

(F)redddy said...

Jana: Yes, my kids are adopted. It's a bit complicated here. There are states that complete bans on gays adopting (Florida, for example) and there are other states that haven't specifically passed laws against gays adopting but make it difficult for gays to do so. Then there's places like Texas that has no specific ban, but there are cities within the state that make it difficult, if not impossible, to do so. So the long answer to your question is it just depends on where you live here on whether or not gays can adopt.

Evelyn said...

Nice, bravo .. LMFAO and as a
bi-sexual wench of the world I can care less what the fuck people choose to call me.. greedy, make up your mind, confused. I tell them It was never fuck me its all about fuck you.
Loved the post.

Wade@MacMorrighan.Net said...

Rock on! I have been wanting to reclaim the word "faggot", myself! As well as "WHORE" and "SLUT".

Also, just out of curiosity, are you aware that each stripe of the Rainbow Flag actually represents something?

* hot pink: sexuality
* red: life
* orange: healing
* yellow: sunlight
* green: nature
* turquoise: magic/art
* indigo: serenity/harmony
* violet: spirit

Take Care my brother in flaming, fabulous, faggotry!
~ Wade@MacMorrighan.Net

(F)redddy said...

I wasn't aware the flag even had hot pink in it! Thanks for the flag meaning.

Anonymous said...

You are REALLY ignorant about gender. Gender and sexuality are not the same thing. Educate yourself BEFORE opening your mouth.

Ray said...

First, "mainstream America" no longer looks anything like someone who even knows what a gym is, let alone goes there "9 days a week," since 66% of Americans are overweight or obese. So if the "gym rats" are trying to look mainstream, they're failing miserably. Secondly, what bugs me most is some jerk using, without a trace of irony, the term "real man," e.g., that "bears" look like "real men," whereas "twinks" do not. This is a load of crap. Slender, effeminate guys, if they have Y chromosomes, are just as much "real" men as big or fat, hairy ones. I fall into neither category, but I'm every bit as "real" a man as, say, that loudmouthed jerk Chuck Norris, who supposedly represents what "conventional wisdom" (which is actually seldom wise) would regard as a "real man" deluxe--whatever the hell that is.