Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Teaches of Peaches

I'm going to warn you in advance, this bligity blogity boo is going to be ALL OVER THE MAP. I've had WAY too much coffee this morning, and lots of random stuff to spew.

SUCKING ON MY TITTIES
"Huh? Right? What?"

Last night, while eating dinner, Adrian started rubbing his chest ala Anna Nicole meets Ron Jeremy. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was "playin' with my boobies". Now, I'm not a prude, but there's just something wrong with watching my 4 year old son playing with his "boobies". AND, since, clearly, there are no "boobies" in our house (except the two boobs raising him!) we asked him why he was doing it and where he learned it. He said a girl in his class, let's call her "Kay" (cuz all girls named Kay wind up pregnant and unmarried!), "taught him about boobies" and "put his hands on her boobies and squeezed". He also said another girl, let's call her…"Marge" (just so I can alienate only ONE of my IRL friends!), was "teaching him about kissing and trying to get him to kiss her".

Straight sex doesn't repulse me as much as one might think, but I'm not about to let Adrian "fuck the pain away" at four years old. He's going to have to wait until he's 12 to make that decision, like I did. However, for those who have read my blog for a while (or explored the archives), you may know that Adrian has already gotten the "Chester" label from his teacher. So I don't take this Teaches of Peaches thing lightly. This morning I wrote out a letter, dated, with the facts, so that she can't come back in a week saying she caught Adrian in the back of the class kissing Kay's privates. And I asked her to "address" it. And by "address it" I mean I want her to send a letter home to this little whore's parents about the lessons she's giving my son…just like the letters I got when Adrian was "flexing his muscle".

HIGHWAY TO HELL
Nathan has been doing amazingly well riding the bus to school. He LOVES riding the bus. So much, in fact, that 9 times out of 10 he just waves me away like I'm a fly. He usually ambles up the bus steps as fast as he can and gives his bus driver a great big hug. He loves that woman. Or, should I say, loved? This whole week there has been a different bus driver every day. I'm not sure if his regular bus driver is on vacation, or if she's found a higher paying job??? This morning's bus driver was THE WORST. Adrian, as usual, bound out of the house first when the bus pulled up. He likes saying goodbye to his brother on the bus. As he ran up the stairs of the bus the salty old bitch behind the wheel barked at him to "get off". She told him he "wasn't allowed on the bus". And so he stood on the sidewalk and waited while I strapped Nathan in his seat. And as I was getting off the bus he started to sob. I turned to the nasty old cunt and said, "Thanks for making my four year old cry. That takes a special kind of skill". Adrian was so sad he didn't get to say goodbye to his brother.

RELEVANT?
WHAT THE HELL is "College Mathematics"? No, seriously. WHAT THE HELL IS IT? Where's my 1 + 1 = X? And are all Math professors A) GAY; and B) so effing nerdy that it's obvious they never dated in high school (or pre-K for that matter)? I tested out of my intermediate Algebra class on the first day this semester, and couldn't have been more thrilled. This meant that I was able to sign up for YET ANOTHER math class, College Mathematics. Already having missed two classes, I tried to catch up this weekend, but when I opened the book it was talking about the election of James Madison, or some crap like that, and the "Borda count method" and other nonsensical shit. OR, as JED said, "PRACTICAL MATH"? What the hell is practical about learning polling techniques??? UNLESS I'm planning on being an election judge when I get done with this?

DT'S
I sent my beloved computra off to a HP repair facility in Houston via FedEx on Monday. Last night, while watching the news about the freak ice/winter storm annihilating Texas right now, they had a lovely picture of a crashed FedEx plane, completely destroyed by fire. I had a minor anxiety attack. See, the way my life works, my computer SHOULD have been on that plane. Alas, it wasn't. The FedEx plane that crashed was in Lubbock, or some other dreadful place like that, and my tracking number confirmed that my computer arrived safe and sound in Houston.

It's kind of strange being without a computer. I don't have access to my MS Money (which I obsessively look at 15 times an hour); I don't have access to my contacts (which are SUPPOSED to be uploaded to Gmail contacts, but A) only part of the information is there; and B) there ARE some phone numbers that, for whatever reason, didn't make it to my Gmail contacts); I can only access my email, blogs that I read, Twitter, and many other of my social networking sites via my brand spankin' new G1 (which works fine for reading, but is a pain in the butt for typing anything substantive in response); I don't have access to my iTunes (I can listen to my iPod but I can't download additional podcasts…which means I'm going to have a HUGE back-load when I finally am able to re-synch it). BUT, I'm actually amazed at how much more I'm able to accomplish not being strapped (wirelessly, of course) to the computer. Don't get me wrong. I can't wait until I get it back…but it's been a little nice not having it!

80,000 + 2
I've now known two of my close, personal friends who have lost their jobs this year. My oldest (both historically and chronologically) friend, Kay's baby daddy lost his job yesterday. In my opinion it couldn't have come at a worse time. They JUST bought a house…they're having my nephew delivered in three weeks. I suppose any time you lose a job is a bad time to lose a job. But this just seems like a particularly bad time. I hope this whole economy thing gets turned around soon. Honestly, I'm worried myself, but…I worry more for my Kay and my Eddie right now.

BIZARRE FLAVOR IN MY MOUTH
That old woman I keep talking about, Kay, turned me onto a blog the other day called Mommy's Kitchen. This chick is a Texas woman who has this fantastic website of fast family favorite foods. Now, they ain't healthy eats by ANY stretch of the imagination. Additionally, the snobs on this season's "Top Chef" would be horrified at the "ingredients" in these dishes. BUT, if you have kids, a full-time job, are enrolled in 12 hours of classes, and have a full social calendar, these recipes are SO UNBELIEVABLY easy that you still have time to cook for you and your family AND enjoy their company (and learn about boobies to boot!). Last night I made Mommy's Kitchen's "frozen burrito casserole". It sounds vile and disgusting (not only the title, but the actual ingredient list), but it was really, really tasty. Give her a looksie if you're looking for zomething zifferent.

That's all I got for today folks. I actually had another restaurant review all typed up and ready to post…but I wanted to purge my head before it exploded.

3 comments:

Kay said...

I believe my knockers were among the first boobies that Adie has ever felt up. Remember when he used to put his hand down my shirt? And Leslie's and Heather's and Darla's...he was interested at 9-10 months. Uh huh, pregnant & unmarried.

Eddie's laid off, too? Oh no! Babydaddy & I did get to have a serious chat about finances. We are in major budget freeze mode. He even talked of selling his motorcycle, since it's the only paid off vehicle we own. I'll be looking for more cheap & easy food since we won't be eating out again until who knows when.

Speaking of cooking blogs, I also like The Homesick Texan (sorry I don't know how to do the HTML to make it linked) http://homesicktexan.blogspot.com/

And..Orangette although her meals are a bit more upscale. http://orangette.blogspot.com/

And of course, The Pioneer Woman Cooks. She uses lots of pictures.
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/

Enjoy! And tell Adie that the "Kay" at school has teeth down there. If you see that hag of a substitute bus driver again, let her know that you saw her picture on the "Most Wanted" posters down at the STD clinic. Bizzatch.

Walt said...

Damn, I love a post that's all over the fucking place. Sometimes you've just got a lot to say and not a lot about each topic.

Corcor55 said...

Cool website she has. Thanks for the link. I love the almond chocolate things she made...your blog is a great read....I love the sense of sassy, as mr breen would put it...