Tonight I died and went to Fuego's.

Y’all, I have, very seriously, eaten the very best dinner I have ever had in my entire life tonight.

Several months ago I started eating around at different hamburger places that had recently opened in town. Anyone who knows Austin knows Hut’s is the place to eat burgers. Recently 5-Guys came to town, they’re a chain. A big effin’ chain with links all over the country. Next came Mooyah’s. They’re a chain also, but they’re a Texas chain, so I forgive them. Then there was Mighty Fine. Mighty Fine isn’t a chain, yet…but it screams chain potential and everything about the place tells me you’ll be seeing one on a corner near you…soon.

Now before I get to tonight’s dinner, let me recap the three I’ve just mentioned.

Five Guys sucks balls, and not in a good way. The burger was mediocre at best. The bun couldn’t hold up to the moisture from the meat/condiments and fell apart in my hands the second I picked it up. They also forgot to put the bacon on my BACON CHEESEBURGER, which is a bit unforgiveable in my book. Even when I went up (with my receipt) to tell them they forgot to put the bacon on my BACON CHEESEBURGER the woman turned around to the prep counter, grabbed two cold limp pieces of bacon, wrapped them up in a napkin and handed them to me. FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE. Unfortunately, their fries were the bomb-digity-bomb-bomb. Why did their fries have to be so delicious?

Mighty Fine sucks donkey cock…which is a step up from balls. Their burgers are MUCH better than Five Guys, but their French fries are limper than an 87 year-old cock. And I hate limp cock…er, uh, fries. They also have a LEMONADE MILKSHAKE that is not slap your momma good…it’s give your momma an Italian necktie good.

Mooyah WAS my favorite (until…wait for it, wait for it…). Their burgers were just as good, if not better than Mighty Fine. Their fries were better than Five Guys. Mooyah is the entire package…and I WILL be eating there, still…but tonight I’ve found my 2009 every-date night-date night place. Fuego’s!

So I had been sharing with my fellow fatty (WHOOPS! I mean foodie) Kay the joys and sorrows of the burger places we had been to. A few weeks ago she told me about this place that was “somewhere near” my house. The Austin Foodies network had been RAVING about the “burgers” at this place. Purportedly, Fuego’s “Fat Burger” was the NEWEST BESTEST MOST FANTASTIC burger in Austin. I read the description of the burger which included “thick cut peppered bacon” (YUM) and …well, other burger toppings. They said the fries were the bomb. While Jed’s mom was here over the Christmas holiday I thought we could try the place out. I drove up and down Lamar by my house looking for the place. I finally spotted it at an awkward intersection on a very busy section of Lamar. At first glance I noticed A) it was in a crappy strip mall, and B) the sign actually said, “Fuego’s Mexican Restaurant”.

I wasn’t in the mood for a new Mexican find. I have my “place”. I don’t need another. I live in northern Mexico. I’m surrounded by awesome Mexican food. So we drove by, passed it. I told Kay that I wasn’t impressed with what I saw, but also admitted we hadn’t gone in.

This morning Kay forwarded me an email from her Foodie group. It was basically a plea from one of the Foodies to URGENTL get to Fuego’s before it was too late. This person had gone in last week and had a “fantastic” dinner experience but was concerned about the lack of people in the place. This person said when she paid her bill she asked the owner how business was going and she replied that it wasn’t going well because she was having problems getting people to come in the door. She had recently applied for a liquor license and was hoping she could get that before she had to close her doors for good.

It’s really not the outer appearance of the building that turns people off. Like I said, it’s on a very awkward corner. It’s at the intersection of Morrow and Lamar. Going north on Lamar there’s no left turn onto Morrow. So you have to exit Lamar onto the feeder road, go under 183, loop around the highway and u-turn back onto Lamar southbound to get to it. It’s HORRIBLE to get to. (FORTUNATELY, from my neighborhood I only have to go North to Morrow and head east to Lamar and BAM! I’m there!!!)

The thread following the plea was AMAZING. Every single person raved about how delicious everything there was and how sad they were they weren’t doing a bang up business. They encouraged everyone to pass the word to save this place.

So tonight Jed and I took the boys to Fuego’s for dinner. We decided to do a sampler menu so we could try a little bit of everything. We were, literally, the only four people in the restaurant the entire time we were there (except for the staff), so we obviously got stellar service. (Ironically as we were paying our bill and getting ready to leave a lesbian couple with a baby came in!) The food was…

HOLY

SHIT

DELICIOUS.

For the boys we ordered cheese quesadillas. Their tastes aren’t refined, therefore we stuck with the basics for them.

For Jed and myself we ordered the Carne Asada French Fries. These fries were perfectly cut and fried to a crispy crunch. They were topped with a heaping helping of carne asada (basically a crumbly roast beefy type mean) with guacamole, sour cream, and pico. We ordered a fat burger to split between us (which also came with fries) and it was every bit as good, if not better, than ANY of the previously mentioned 3. But the best part of the meal was the BBQ Salad with blackened shrimp. I seriously almost got into a fist fight with Jed for the rest of the salad. The plate was piled high with mixed greens, apples, walnuts, bleu cheese, tortilla chips, blackened grilled jumbo shrimps, and BBQ sauce. I have never eaten anything I’ve enjoyed as much as I enjoyed that salad. It is hands down my new favorite meal.

For those of you fortunate enough to live in Austin, get to Fuego’s now, today before it’s too late. It was be a crying shame for this place to go out of business just because they picked a shitty location. For those of you not in Austin, plan a trip. Not only will you get to visit me, but you’ll also get to watch me have a Meg Ryan moment with a salad that you’ll never forget.