Warren Chisum is a douche nozzle

douche [doosh] noun, verb, douched, douch⋅ing. –noun 1. a jet or current of water, sometimes with a dissolved medicating or cleansing agent, applied to a body part, organ, or cavity for medicinal or hygienic purposes. 2.the application of such a jet. noz⋅zle [noz-uhl]noun 1. a projecting spout, terminal discharging pipe, or the like, as of a hose or bellows.

(Douche Nozzle) (Warren Chisum)

April 10, 2005 was a fantastic day for my family. It was the day that my oldest son came to live with my family. It’s one of my top 5 days of my entire life, a day I will never forget. April 16, 2005 was also another day I’ll never forget. It was the day that Rep. Warren Chisum (R), Pampa, Texas introduced a bill to the Texas legislature to place a ban on the adoption of children by homosexuals. I had a huge anxiety attack that day. I had waited so long for my perfect family, and no sooner had my child been placed there was someone trying to stop it from happening. See, Adrian’s adoption wouldn’t be finalized for 7 more months after he came to live with us. The bill, of course, failed. But it still chaps my ass every time I think about this douche nozzle.

Two years later Texas decided to take up CPS reform. At the last second, Warren Chisum, again, tacked on an amendment to the CPS reform bill to ban same-sex couples from adopting children. There was an uproar in the legislature and his amendment was stricken from the bill and it passed without incident.

Our state legislature is again back in session and they’re busy “improving” our state. And Warren Chisum is in the news again. He hasn’t attacked MY rights again, yet. But he has been busy with yours. Earlier this week he introduced a bill that would require married couples (YAAAAY, FINALLY doesn’t affect me!) seeking a divorce to undergo 10 hours of counseling before a divorce would be granted. This would be at a cost of $50-100/pp./hr. to the happy couple seeking a divorce.

So, let’s summarize: California (and many, many other states), gays can’t marry. And in Texas, straights can’t divorce. Ain’t that a kick in the rubber parts? And while I not hoping any of my straighties get a divorce, I don’t think it’s governments business to tell them they can’t. It’s a matter of personal choice and it’s not a GOVERNMENTS choice. Warren Chisum must be one hell of a tortured soul if he’s constantly thinking about what his constituents are doing behind closed doors. That’s kind of sick, if you think about it.

The right to privacy is a presumable right, according to that little ol’ Bill o’ Rights of ours. It’s not explicit, but is implied. Many court cases have backed this up. Griswold v Connecticut was a case about contraception, and the Supreme Court upheld that it wasn’t the government’s business what two consenting adults did behind closed doors. Roe v Wade, regardless of how you feel about it personally, is fundamentally about a person’s right to privacy. Lawrence v Texas, again a right to privacy and finally decriminalizes one of things that the Boo and I enjoy. So when a couple decides to get a divorce, there’s an implied RIGHT TO PRIVACY ON THEIR PRIVATE MATTERS.

I’m curious where this arbitrary “10-hours of couples counseling” came from in Ms. Chisum’s mind. I mean, there are dinners that I prepare that take more than 10 hours to “fix”.

Let’s say, for example, you get home from work one day and you see a sweaty Ron Jeremy going at your wife’s starfish from behind and a line of six naked guys behind him waiting for their turn to take a stab at her. That’s going to take a little bit more than 10-hours of counseling to recover from, don’t you think? I mean, there’s a really strong possibility that you may be scarred for life if you see something like that, right? And before you hit me with the, “Well, (F)reddy, that’s a bit of an extreme example…”, PUH-LEEZE. I’ve seen Xtube…I KNOW what kind of sick, twisted, perverted stuff y’all are capable of.

Let’s say your wife goes all Lorena Bobbit on your junk, exactly how many hours do you think you’re going to need before you recover from that?

How’s about America’s favorite “heterosexual with issues”? Do you honestly think Ted Haggard’s wife is going to be able to work out these issues? THEY’VE BEEN IN THERAPY since that entire fiasco began, and NOW there’s more menz coming forward talking about their relationships with Teddy Bear…AND HE’S NOT DENYING THEM. Not ten hours, folks, YEARS OF THERAPY.

Now, if your wife is torturing you by making pickled beets every night for dinner, yeah, sure, perhaps a neutral third party can slap some sense into her for you and you can work your issues out. However, regardless if you can or not, IT’S A PERSONAL MATTER AND GOVERNMENT HAS NO BUSINESS IN YOUR PERSONAL MATTERS. So I’m fully aware that the vast majority of Americans are deeply dead set against MY personal matters. That’s coo. I’m able to turn the cheek, for the most part. I just want to go on record to say that when the government start tweeking YOUR issues, (F)reddy’s got your back. Even when you don’t have mine.

Monument(al)

I’m a sucker for old timey nostalgia. I enjoy getting off the major arteries in town and getting out a bit into the country and seeing things in the country. To that end, I had a couple of items on my Amazon wish list to help me find some points of interest along the way in Texas. Two years ago Jed’s mom bought me “Texas Landmark Cafes”.



Over the last two years I’ve kept it near me, either in the car or in my backpack, so that if we happened to be out and about I could see if there were any places in the book we could scratch of the list. We have actually been to quite a few over the last couple of years.

This past year Jed’s mom got me Volume 7 of the Texas “Off the beaten path” series. It not only lists restaurants to try in out of the way places, but offers suggestions of places to stay, shop, play, and see. When I woke up this Sunday morning I had a hankering to get out of life for a few hours and asked Jed if he wanted to take a stab at finding a place in either of the books and going for lunch. We had a limited amount of time, as we had a birthday party to attend at 3 Sunday afternoon. So I limited my choices to the section(s) of the book centered around the Texas Hill-country. Generally speaking, these would include areas we could get to within an hour-to-two hour time frame.

In the Texas Landmark Café book, I noticed several places that made my mouth water. I flipped through the OTBP book to see if there was anything else that sounded good and noticed they had a place that I had just flipped through in my TLC book. (It wasn’t until this morning I noticed both books were written by the same author!) I asked Jed if he wanted to try the Monument Café in Georgetown, a mere 20 miles from our house. Not quite as “off” the path as I would have hoped, but off enough! He said, “Isn’t that the place that Kevin & Leslie keep raving about and asking us to go with them”? I sent Les a text message asking her if it was and asking if her husband wanted to join Jed, the boys, and I for lunch. She replied that it was the place and to eat some fried pies for her…but Kevie had other plans (that didn’t include hanging out with homos that worship him).

Jed and I loaded up the boys, programmed in the address in the GPS and headed up the road to Georgetown, Texas. When we got to the location identified in the book I was disappointed in seeing an empty parking lot and, what appeared to be, a vacant building. I thought, surely, the GPS was wrong…so I circled around some blocks and tried to find it. We were navigated back to the vacant building. I pulled into the parking lot and there was a tiny little handwritten note on the front door that said they had moved to their new location. YAAAAY…not a wasted trip. Having reprogrammed the GPS, we headed a bit further north to the brand new location.



There were some really, really good things about this place, and some things that were really, really bad. Let’s start with the bad???

#1: For starters, there were 350,000 people waiting to get in. Is that good, or bad? Depends on how you look at it. 350,000 people trying to get into a place means the food either is good, or is covered in crack. It also means a wait. Though, seriously, I don’t think we had to wait more than 10 minutes…and so I guess, now that I’ve added this to the bad column, it really wasn’t all that bad. BUT…#2: We arrived at 1115 am on a Sunday. They cut their breakfast service off at 11. Who the fuck cuts their breakfast off at 11 on a WEEKEND? ESPECIALLY on a Sunday? Don’t they know this is prime breakfast eating time? This is when, as evidenced by the 349,996 other people wearing their Sunday suits waiting to get in, PEOPLE ARE HUNGRY FOR BREAKFAST. Now that I’ve mentioned #3: the 349,996 people in their Sunday suits, I suppose it’s time to mention another uncomfortable fact. It was clear that Sunday, January 11, 2009 was the first time 349,996 people in Georgetown, Texas ever saw two gay men with children in their lives. Talk about awkward stares. JESUS H. MARY-CHRIST. Adrian asked, at one point, “Daddy, what’s everyone looking at”? #4: They had a menu board FULL of delicious “vegetables”. Seriously savory, mouth-watering vegetables…like Mac n’ Cheese, fried zucchini, fried squash, French fries, cabbage…with fried bacon. They had ONE healthy vegetable, steamed broccoli, on the menu. We ordered our dinner(s). Adrian got the fried chicken strips with macaroni. Nathan got the fried steak fingers with macaroni. I got the chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes, mac n’ cheese, and fried zucchini. Jed got the chicken fried chicken with the STEAMED BROCCOLI, onion rings and French fries. The waitress came back ten minutes later and said, “Sir, I’m sorry, but we DON’T have broccoli today”. He ended up getting fried zucchini instead. YES, everything on Jed’s plate was fried! #5: The bill, JESUS CHRIST, was it expensive for a lunch. $62 for the four of us.



So now the good. HOLY SHIT THAT FOOD WAS GOOD! Was it worth $62? HELL NO. Was it worth writing a blog about? Hell yeah. Is it worth going back? Maybe. The chicken fried steak was done right. It wasn’t a leathery, gristly piece of meat. It was prepared the right way…prepared in such a way that it could be cut with a plastic spork. It DID need some seasoning (IE: salt), but otherwise, was great. The mashed potatoes were REAL potatoes…though, curiously, they didn’t have gravy on them. Weird. The mac n’ cheese was HEAVENLY. OH-MY-GOD, was the mac n’ cheese good. And the fried zucchini was both interesting and delicious. It was the first time I’d ever had fried zucchini that was sliced the length of the zucchini, rather than “medallions” of zucchini. They were properly coated and brilliantly fried…not limp and disgusting. Jed’s onion rings were delicious…and the fried chicken (strips) were tasty too. All of the food we had was delicious. When the waitress came and asked us if we wanted desert the Presbyterians were starting to replace the seats vacated by the Lutherans...and the stares were starting up again. We told her no thanks (besides, there wasn’t any room in our bellies!).

If you’re in the area and looking to try some delicious southern comfort food, DO check out the Monument Café in Georgetown. Though, it’s not at 1953 South Austin, you’ll find it just up the road a spell at 500 S. Austin!

Tonight I died and went to Fuego's.

Y’all, I have, very seriously, eaten the very best dinner I have ever had in my entire life tonight.

Several months ago I started eating around at different hamburger places that had recently opened in town. Anyone who knows Austin knows Hut’s is the place to eat burgers. Recently 5-Guys came to town, they’re a chain. A big effin’ chain with links all over the country. Next came Mooyah’s. They’re a chain also, but they’re a Texas chain, so I forgive them. Then there was Mighty Fine. Mighty Fine isn’t a chain, yet…but it screams chain potential and everything about the place tells me you’ll be seeing one on a corner near you…soon.

Now before I get to tonight’s dinner, let me recap the three I’ve just mentioned.

Five Guys sucks balls, and not in a good way. The burger was mediocre at best. The bun couldn’t hold up to the moisture from the meat/condiments and fell apart in my hands the second I picked it up. They also forgot to put the bacon on my BACON CHEESEBURGER, which is a bit unforgiveable in my book. Even when I went up (with my receipt) to tell them they forgot to put the bacon on my BACON CHEESEBURGER the woman turned around to the prep counter, grabbed two cold limp pieces of bacon, wrapped them up in a napkin and handed them to me. FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE. Unfortunately, their fries were the bomb-digity-bomb-bomb. Why did their fries have to be so delicious?

Mighty Fine sucks donkey cock…which is a step up from balls. Their burgers are MUCH better than Five Guys, but their French fries are limper than an 87 year-old cock. And I hate limp cock…er, uh, fries. They also have a LEMONADE MILKSHAKE that is not slap your momma good…it’s give your momma an Italian necktie good.

Mooyah WAS my favorite (until…wait for it, wait for it…). Their burgers were just as good, if not better than Mighty Fine. Their fries were better than Five Guys. Mooyah is the entire package…and I WILL be eating there, still…but tonight I’ve found my 2009 every-date night-date night place. Fuego’s!

So I had been sharing with my fellow fatty (WHOOPS! I mean foodie) Kay the joys and sorrows of the burger places we had been to. A few weeks ago she told me about this place that was “somewhere near” my house. The Austin Foodies network had been RAVING about the “burgers” at this place. Purportedly, Fuego’s “Fat Burger” was the NEWEST BESTEST MOST FANTASTIC burger in Austin. I read the description of the burger which included “thick cut peppered bacon” (YUM) and …well, other burger toppings. They said the fries were the bomb. While Jed’s mom was here over the Christmas holiday I thought we could try the place out. I drove up and down Lamar by my house looking for the place. I finally spotted it at an awkward intersection on a very busy section of Lamar. At first glance I noticed A) it was in a crappy strip mall, and B) the sign actually said, “Fuego’s Mexican Restaurant”.

I wasn’t in the mood for a new Mexican find. I have my “place”. I don’t need another. I live in northern Mexico. I’m surrounded by awesome Mexican food. So we drove by, passed it. I told Kay that I wasn’t impressed with what I saw, but also admitted we hadn’t gone in.

This morning Kay forwarded me an email from her Foodie group. It was basically a plea from one of the Foodies to URGENTL get to Fuego’s before it was too late. This person had gone in last week and had a “fantastic” dinner experience but was concerned about the lack of people in the place. This person said when she paid her bill she asked the owner how business was going and she replied that it wasn’t going well because she was having problems getting people to come in the door. She had recently applied for a liquor license and was hoping she could get that before she had to close her doors for good.

It’s really not the outer appearance of the building that turns people off. Like I said, it’s on a very awkward corner. It’s at the intersection of Morrow and Lamar. Going north on Lamar there’s no left turn onto Morrow. So you have to exit Lamar onto the feeder road, go under 183, loop around the highway and u-turn back onto Lamar southbound to get to it. It’s HORRIBLE to get to. (FORTUNATELY, from my neighborhood I only have to go North to Morrow and head east to Lamar and BAM! I’m there!!!)

The thread following the plea was AMAZING. Every single person raved about how delicious everything there was and how sad they were they weren’t doing a bang up business. They encouraged everyone to pass the word to save this place.

So tonight Jed and I took the boys to Fuego’s for dinner. We decided to do a sampler menu so we could try a little bit of everything. We were, literally, the only four people in the restaurant the entire time we were there (except for the staff), so we obviously got stellar service. (Ironically as we were paying our bill and getting ready to leave a lesbian couple with a baby came in!) The food was…

HOLY

SHIT

DELICIOUS.

For the boys we ordered cheese quesadillas. Their tastes aren’t refined, therefore we stuck with the basics for them.

For Jed and myself we ordered the Carne Asada French Fries. These fries were perfectly cut and fried to a crispy crunch. They were topped with a heaping helping of carne asada (basically a crumbly roast beefy type mean) with guacamole, sour cream, and pico. We ordered a fat burger to split between us (which also came with fries) and it was every bit as good, if not better, than ANY of the previously mentioned 3. But the best part of the meal was the BBQ Salad with blackened shrimp. I seriously almost got into a fist fight with Jed for the rest of the salad. The plate was piled high with mixed greens, apples, walnuts, bleu cheese, tortilla chips, blackened grilled jumbo shrimps, and BBQ sauce. I have never eaten anything I’ve enjoyed as much as I enjoyed that salad. It is hands down my new favorite meal.

For those of you fortunate enough to live in Austin, get to Fuego’s now, today before it’s too late. It was be a crying shame for this place to go out of business just because they picked a shitty location. For those of you not in Austin, plan a trip. Not only will you get to visit me, but you’ll also get to watch me have a Meg Ryan moment with a salad that you’ll never forget.

December Challenge Day 19

December 19, 2005 I went to Georgetown, Texas to meet Nathan and find out when he was going to get to live with us. CPS ended up throwing a car seat in the back of my Jeep and wished me luck as I headed out of the parking lot.

It’s been a mostly wonderful 3 years. Yeah, sure there was that almost two year period with the social worker who ended up being a felon and had to have our case start over from scratch. And there’s that whole “not talking” thing (WHICH, now that he’s talking doesn’t seem as bad…in hindsight).

We’re a family of celebrations. We celebrate each day each boy came to live with us. We celebrate the days that both of us got to adopt each of them. We celebrate the birthdays, the first poopie in the toilet days, the first made it through the day without getting in trouble at school days (haven’t had any of those yet!). But these days that each of the boys came into our lives are extra special for me. They’re the equivalent of having my water broke, it’s the only similar experience I can think of.

So tonight we celebrated 3 great years with Nathan in our lives.

That was then:



This is now:

Farewell, my love

I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing this, rather than Jed. Jed has a more personal vested interest in Galveston Island than I do, as his entire family hails from there. The devastating news here in Texas last night was UTMB Galveston has decided to cut 3,800 jobs due to hemorrhaging finances brought on by Hurricane Ike. Galveston Island has (had) a population of only 50,000 full-time residents pre-Ike. While we’ve not been “home” since Ike, we get daily reports from Jed’s mother, cousins, aunts, uncles, and other family members. It is, essentially, complete devastation. The people of Galveston have committed to rebuilding, but it appears they’ll have to do so with a loss of a little less than 10% of their workforce.

Galveston Island, depending on who you ask, doesn’t have much to offer. It’s not a typical “Island Resort” town. It’s true there is a high percentage of poverty in Galveston. Of the 50,000 full-time residents, there’s a huge indigent population of roughly 30-40% (again, depending on who you ask). There’s not much to offer in Galveston. There’s a cruise ship terminal that is operating at a functional 50% level (promised to be 100% by December). There is a spin-off of the Schlitterbahn Waterpark franchise. Moody Gardens/Aquarium. A smattering of WORLD CLASS seafood restaurants (Gaido’s!!!). A beautiful historic district. FANTASTIC turn of the century architecture. UTMB was the islands largest employer, and now they’ve decided to bail…just as the island needs them the most.

Jed and I have differing views on the island. It has everything to do with the fact that he was born and raised there and that his family has been there since the very early 1900’s. I imagine he sees his hometown as everyone else sees the town they grew up in, a “nice place to visit, but wouldn’t want to live there”. Honestly, I’ve never understood this, but feel the same way about Oklahoma City. In fact, I don’t even think Oklahoma City is a nice place to visit!

PJ (Pre-Jed) I had taken a week off of work and rented a house on the beach in Galveston. It was a lovely 2 bedroom/2 bathroom fully furnished house, literally 50 feet from the water. I wonder if it’s still there? I paid $400 for the house for the week. While I was down in Galveston soaking up the sun I started looking through the paper for houses for sale down there. This was 15, or so, years ago, and at the time you could get a beach front home for between $40-60k. Even then the island was struggling. I didn’t want this as a full-time home, rather I wanted it for a place to go to on the weekends. It’s been said that Galveston is “the poor gay man’s Ft. Lauderdale”. There are (were) tons of homos in a very compacted island. Then I met Jed and when I found out he was from Galveston I mentioned to him my plan to buy a weekend house down there. I think he misunderstood me, thinking I wanted to MOVE to Galveston and said that he would never go back there (unless he was visiting) and would never buy a house there. He had very strong feelings/opinions in this regard.

Over the 10 years of being with Jed we’ve watched the island grow and prosper a bit. The $40-60k beach front houses long since gone. Pre-Ike, you couldn’t touch a house with a water view for under $300k. (GOD I WISH I HAD BOUGHT IN THE 90’S!!!) We always enjoyed our trips to the island to play with family, but it never has changed Jed’s mind about his distaste for the island and ever wanting to be a resident of the island. It makes me sad. I think this is why the UTMB thing upsets me more than it does him.

So with the collapse of your primary industry, how does the island recover? I feel like we (as IF I’m a resident!) need to bring back the glory days of the island; make it a resort town that has something to offer people; make it something people WANT to come for. I suggest off-shore gambling. Bring back the glory days of the Balanese Ballroom from the 1940’s. And no, assholes, I never went there back then! The Balanese is legendary in Galveston. Pre-Ike it sat out on a pier 600 feet OVER the gulf. Hollywood legends (Hope, Sinatra, Burns) used to come to the island to party at the Balanese. Back in its heyday they had gambling (sure, illegal!) that drew many people to the island. It’s been said the reason the Balanese stretches 600 feet over the gulf is because they had the gambling rooms in the far back reaches of the pier so that if the police were to raid the ballroom the proprietors would have ample time to hide any evidence of illegal activity before the police could make it down there.

I envision a few “Riverboat” casinos off “the strand” or along the seawall. Or how about some hurricane fortified structures along the dilapidated seawall with huge grand ballrooms where people want to come perform. What is wrong with a little casino action? Worried about “illegal activity” or increased alcoholism or gambling addictions??? HELLO?!? Before Ike 30-40% of the population ALREADY HAD THESE PROBLEMS! At least with casinos you can employee people previously “unskilled” who couldn’t get a job AT THE HOSPITAL. Casinos, by far, employee far more people than a dying hospital. You would HAVE to employ more people to take care of all the visitors who would be flooding the island with tourism dollars. THERE IS NO TOURISM IN GALVESTON right now, TOURISM is the surest way to make sure the island survives.

Unfortunately we live in one of those states, the State of Denial, where the conservatives want to control everything and think gambling would destroy the state. Oklahoma has casinos, and it’s not burning in the fiery pits of hell. It’s still as backwards as it ever was. There’s a flood of money coming in from the Indians operating the casinos allotted for improvements to Oklahoma’s infrastructure. Please Texas Legislature. PLEASE legalize gambling. I’m not saying I’ll participate, but I don’t want to see my beloved Galveston sink off our beautiful coastline.

Why stop with the Mormons?

I read an article on Towleroad this morning about a petition being circulated to strip the tax-exempt status from the Mormon Church for the role they played in the passage of Proposition 8 in California. If you’re inclined to check out the details, you may do so here. I’m all for “sticking it” to the people who had a hand in this, but folks, the Mormon’s didn’t do this to us alone. There were MANY other groups that helped them raise millions of dollars for the passage of Proposition 8. Why aren’t the folks who have set their sights on the Mormon church up in arms about the Knights of Columbus? They were the second largest contributor to “the cause”. They should have their tax-exempt status stripped as well. What about all the other churches that raised funds and put their names on the list of support? EVERY group that participated in this atrocity should be equally accountable. I guess, though, this is a start. Eh?

Even I'm not gay enough to ride this cycle.

Give me an "N", Give me an "8"...what's that spell?

NOTE: This blog was originally posted on MySpace following the second parent adoption by my partner a few months ago. Thanks to the magic of MS Outlook, I just realized today is the one year anniversary of MY adoption of Nathan. I felt it was appropriate to honor the anniversary with a story I'll never forget.

NATE! Well folks, in the interest of people accusing me of liking Adrian more than Nathan I decided to write a blog about Nate’s big day today. Today, September 12, 2007, marks the end of Nathan’s journey of permanency. Also known as the day that “My baby got two daddies.”

It has been a completely wonderful almost 2 years since Naterbug came into our lives. I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was called to come to CPS in Georgetown, Texas to meet my new foster son. I was also asked if I would consider bringing pictures of Adrian with me to give to his mother so that she could see how he was progressing. For those of you who haven’t figured it out yet, both of my boys have the same biological mother. Jed and I talked about it and I really had no problems with giving her pictures of the boys. Hell, she gave us two wonderfully perfect boys, the least I could do was give her pictures of her kids.

I showed up to CPS headquarters all a twitter. By some paperwork error, we weren’t notified when Nathan was born like we were supposed to. Nathan had been placed in another foster home for 2 weeks after he was born. His original foster dad was bringing him to the meeting, I was going to meet him and his mother, the staffing would take place to see how Nathan was doing in foster care and how mother was doing with her “steps”.

When Milt drove up and Nathan’s social worker said, “Oh, there’s foster dad now,” I nearly crapped. He drove up in a big ol’ Ford F350 and I thought, “LERD, a Williamson County hayseed.” He walked up and said hello, introduced himself and I shit my pants as a purse fell out of his mouth. He was the nelliest hayseed I have ever met in my life. The social worker questioned him about some stuff he brought and he mentioned how the “ladies in church” had knitted a blanket for Nathan. Great! A nelly, Christian, conservative, hayseed.

Nathan’s mom did not show up that day. She had been presented with another life plan, and chose to take a different path. One, we hope, found her happiness. Much to my surprise, I didn’t just MEET Nathan that day, it was decided that I would be taking him home with me THAT SECOND as well! I just had ZERO prep-time! I felt like my sister, Dana, following the birth of her fourth son…(Walking, walking, walking—gush, water breaking, breaking, breaking—what’s that banging on my knees??? A FUCKING HEAD? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHERE’S MY SADAL BLOCK?)

As the social worker was filling out the paperwork I sat and played the ambiguous game with Milt:

M: “My ‘better-half’ is a doctor.”
F: “My better-half is a bottom.”
M: “We live in Jester Estates.”
F: “We live in Brentwood.”
M: “Have I ever seen you at Chaindrive?”
F: “OH MY GOD GIRL, YOU’RE GAY?”

Group hug.

Milt went on and on about how happy he was that Nathan was being placed with another gay couple and that it was exciting that Nathan would ALWAYS have been raised by loving, nurturing, nelly bottoms. We actually have, since that meeting, become very good friends. I thought it was important for both Milt AND Nathan to stay connected throughout their lives. I ALWAYS want Nathan to know exactly how many people have loved and cared for him.

AS YOU ALL KNOW, in Texas, it’s against the law for same-sex couples to adopt children together. Fortunately, all that means is we cannot do it at the same time. Unfortunately it means we spend a couple of years wrapped up in the legal system, sifting through the leagaleeze and getting our equal rights the hard way. I finalized my adoption of Nathan a few months ago, sealing the deal so-to-speak, making Nathan a permanent part of MY family. Jed, however, was, and has been, “a bystander” through the process.

I GET IT, how it must make Jed feel to sit there by my side and watch all the pomp & circumstance and see my joy as I get a sense of legal closure with my kids. All the while he maintains “room-mate” status in the eyes of the law. It sucks. Because the court really does make it a big deal for the adoptive parent. So we sit, and we wait for Jed’s turn, and then we do it all over again.

Today we officially have 50% “ownership” of our sweet little boy. Both of our kids are now officially 100% ours. Both of our boys officially have two loving parents, for better or for worse. No turning back. And hopefully they will love having each other in their lives “forever”, and hopefully they will appreciate the two and a half year fight we’ve been through to give them a permanent sense of family and belonging.

Congratulations Jed. Congratulations Nathan. Congratulations Adrian. I’m proud to be a part of your family.

Don we now our gay apparel

I have a somewhat embarrassing confession to make. I have personally ordered from the International Male Catalogue. In case you haven't checked out out the Catalogue, you should (www.internationalmale.com). It's embarrassing because A) I think 1/3 of 1% of people out there can wear any of the clothes in this magazine, and B) I certainly wasn't in that winning percentage! While the clothes, or lack of, look good on the models in the magazine, you MUST possess certain attributes which, sadly, Freddy didn't. I'm not talking about my dick y'all, I GOTS that. No. I'm talking about the six-pack abs, the 16" discs a/k/a "pecs", or the bulging biceps. Okay. Maybe I had the biceps, but my abs were more like a keg than a six pack and we may as well just call my pecs what they are, moobs. You got to love a magazine that has an underwear section called "Problem Solvers"…IE: Your dick is so small, we can keep you from looking like a Ken-doll.

Now I'm not saying that I ordered from the catalogue last week. No, dear readers, it was many, MANY moons ago. I was very single at the time and I was, what you could call a "gym bunny". Though I never lifted weights, I did spend many a long afternoon in the gym on an aerobic type machine and/or a step-class or three. I was taking a trip to San Francisco under the mistaken impression (from having watched Full House on television) that San Francisco was a warm, sunny, metropolis. Who knew that it only got into the highs of the 80's during the summer with lows dipping down into the 40's when the sun went down. I should have watched Miami Vice instead.

So I purchased a pair of shorts and a swimsuit for my adventure out west. Please hold all snickering to a minimum.



The shorts, as you can see, are still in "high fashion" today. These are the EXACT same shorts I purchased 13 years ago. I don't recall them being this long though. They did have the split up the side, and nothing screams "gay" like a pair of Daisy Dukes with a 2 inch split up the side of your leg. To accentuate the outfit, I often wore these shorts with Camel hiking boots (which not only showed off my amazing calves, but also made the hem of the shorts look that much higher!) and a brightly colored knit sleeveless button up sweater vest without anything on underneath it. HOT, I tell you, NOT.



I also purchased this lovely swimsuit thinking that I would be spending an ample amount of time in the warm ocean waters of the Pacific. HOLY JESUS. Do people actually get in that water? I've had Cherry Limeaide Slushes warmer than the waters of the Pacific. I don't know what I was thinking with this swimsuit. It was not quite a Speedo, because they weren't briefs. Additionally, the ones I purchased were as brightly colored as the sweater vest I had to accompany my shorts. My "jewels" looked FANTASTIC in this suit, however combined with my keg, it wasn't a pretty sight. I did manage to attract some attention wearing these things, but I'm sure I ended up on some "what the hell was he thinking" website.



On a trip through a mall in Wichita, Kansas with an old friend of mine, I stopped in at one of those mall leather shops. I forget the name of it now, but I think they used to be a national chain. It wasn’t one of those leather shops that sold assless chaps and ball-gags. Rather they had all styles of leather jackets. Why I thought I needed a warm leather jacket in the ‘Bible belt’ of Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, I’ll never know. It’s not like it ever got cold enough to wear it. It did, however, look stunning on the dance floor when I was able to get all the fringe moving at once. I didn’t get the shiny polished version above. No, I got the black suede. I did, however, look JUST like the boy above. Except I was 140 pounds lighter, I had hair, and I hadn’t yet been able to grow facial hair.



Lastly, when I was in Junior High, Wham had just come out (not figuratively) with George Michael and his dual pierced ears. As we all know by now, Freddy was full on Guhay at that point and followed George's example and pierced both of my lobes, along with the cartilage at the top of my left ear. High style. I may have even owned this sweater. It was back in the day before Brian Austin Green made having both ears acceptable for straight men and the saying was still, "Left is right and right is wrong." I think that applied to the ear piercing for men anyway. Now that I think about it, maybe it was my political leanings??? I'm not sure, I'll get back to you on that.