Thursday, April 24, 2008

Give me an "N", Give me an "8"...what's that spell?

NOTE: This blog was originally posted on MySpace following the second parent adoption by my partner a few months ago. Thanks to the magic of MS Outlook, I just realized today is the one year anniversary of MY adoption of Nathan. I felt it was appropriate to honor the anniversary with a story I'll never forget.

NATE! Well folks, in the interest of people accusing me of liking Adrian more than Nathan I decided to write a blog about Nate’s big day today. Today, September 12, 2007, marks the end of Nathan’s journey of permanency. Also known as the day that “My baby got two daddies.”

It has been a completely wonderful almost 2 years since Naterbug came into our lives. I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was called to come to CPS in Georgetown, Texas to meet my new foster son. I was also asked if I would consider bringing pictures of Adrian with me to give to his mother so that she could see how he was progressing. For those of you who haven’t figured it out yet, both of my boys have the same biological mother. Jed and I talked about it and I really had no problems with giving her pictures of the boys. Hell, she gave us two wonderfully perfect boys, the least I could do was give her pictures of her kids.

I showed up to CPS headquarters all a twitter. By some paperwork error, we weren’t notified when Nathan was born like we were supposed to. Nathan had been placed in another foster home for 2 weeks after he was born. His original foster dad was bringing him to the meeting, I was going to meet him and his mother, the staffing would take place to see how Nathan was doing in foster care and how mother was doing with her “steps”.

When Milt drove up and Nathan’s social worker said, “Oh, there’s foster dad now,” I nearly crapped. He drove up in a big ol’ Ford F350 and I thought, “LERD, a Williamson County hayseed.” He walked up and said hello, introduced himself and I shit my pants as a purse fell out of his mouth. He was the nelliest hayseed I have ever met in my life. The social worker questioned him about some stuff he brought and he mentioned how the “ladies in church” had knitted a blanket for Nathan. Great! A nelly, Christian, conservative, hayseed.

Nathan’s mom did not show up that day. She had been presented with another life plan, and chose to take a different path. One, we hope, found her happiness. Much to my surprise, I didn’t just MEET Nathan that day, it was decided that I would be taking him home with me THAT SECOND as well! I just had ZERO prep-time! I felt like my sister, Dana, following the birth of her fourth son…(Walking, walking, walking—gush, water breaking, breaking, breaking—what’s that banging on my knees??? A FUCKING HEAD? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHERE’S MY SADAL BLOCK?)

As the social worker was filling out the paperwork I sat and played the ambiguous game with Milt:

M: “My ‘better-half’ is a doctor.”
F: “My better-half is a bottom.”
M: “We live in Jester Estates.”
F: “We live in Brentwood.”
M: “Have I ever seen you at Chaindrive?”

Group hug.

Milt went on and on about how happy he was that Nathan was being placed with another gay couple and that it was exciting that Nathan would ALWAYS have been raised by loving, nurturing, nelly bottoms. We actually have, since that meeting, become very good friends. I thought it was important for both Milt AND Nathan to stay connected throughout their lives. I ALWAYS want Nathan to know exactly how many people have loved and cared for him.

AS YOU ALL KNOW, in Texas, it’s against the law for same-sex couples to adopt children together. Fortunately, all that means is we cannot do it at the same time. Unfortunately it means we spend a couple of years wrapped up in the legal system, sifting through the leagaleeze and getting our equal rights the hard way. I finalized my adoption of Nathan a few months ago, sealing the deal so-to-speak, making Nathan a permanent part of MY family. Jed, however, was, and has been, “a bystander” through the process.

I GET IT, how it must make Jed feel to sit there by my side and watch all the pomp & circumstance and see my joy as I get a sense of legal closure with my kids. All the while he maintains “room-mate” status in the eyes of the law. It sucks. Because the court really does make it a big deal for the adoptive parent. So we sit, and we wait for Jed’s turn, and then we do it all over again.

Today we officially have 50% “ownership” of our sweet little boy. Both of our kids are now officially 100% ours. Both of our boys officially have two loving parents, for better or for worse. No turning back. And hopefully they will love having each other in their lives “forever”, and hopefully they will appreciate the two and a half year fight we’ve been through to give them a permanent sense of family and belonging.

Congratulations Jed. Congratulations Nathan. Congratulations Adrian. I’m proud to be a part of your family.


Walt said...

Wow. Congrats on hitting your anniversary with Nathan. This was a great blog post. I'm going to go sift through your myspace blog this weekend when I have a little time. You fascinate me, Freddy. Hope you don't end up shackled in my basement. :-)

(F)redddy said...

Thanks Walt! It's been a great ride with the kiddos.

If I end up in the basement, at least I'll be in good company.

Southern Boy said...

So very, very wonderful.
The adoption, not our shitious legal system.