Monday, April 21, 2008

Matthew McConaughey is...

A nutsack. No. Wait. That's insulting to all of the nutsacks that I have personally gotten to know over the years. Matthew is, quite simply, a tool. I don't know what it is about this guy. I hate him about as much as most people hate Oprah. It's unnatural. The difference is I've actually been in Matthew's presence and have legitimate reason to hate him.

During one of the season in which I held my tickets for Longhorn football, Matthew occupied the seats behind me. He was a loud drunken ass for the entire season, and had the "Don't-you-know-who-I-am" attitude that makes most normal people hate celebrities. From that moment on, he has been everywhere I've been ruining every single moment of my life. Why can't he be a normal celebrity that shuns the spotlight/cameras instead of trying to seek the attention out? Is his career really suffering that badly? Don't get me wrong, he was fabulous in Hope Floats…but does he really need to keep himself in the public consciousness? Here lately he's been shot around town hangin' with Jake Gyllenhaal and Lance Armstrong (another nutsack). Every time I turn on the television it's like watching the three Musketeers.

• I'm watching the UT v. OSU game and they show Matthew and Jake hanging out the window of their skybox. What a lovely couple they made.
• Later in the game they show Matthew sans Jake on the sidelines doing some sort of bizarre calisthenics routine.
• I go to ACL and they have to show Matthew on the jumbo-tron jammin' to the oldies with his old pals.
• I log onto MSNBC and I see an article about where Matthew's shirt has gone. Do we really care that much about the mysterious disappearance of the guys shirt? He's in love with HIMSELF. Of course he's going to be shirtless all of the time.
• And yesterday as I'm watching Oprah (I'm so sorry I said that out) I see her in the audience while Bon Jovi is playing for her show talking to some ass-faced dude with ridiculous looking facial hair and I say to myself, "IS THAT MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY?" And wouldn't you know, it was. He was desperately looking over Oprah's shoulder trying to make contact with the camera. "LOOK AT ME...LOOK AT ME. I'M MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY...I'M A HAS-BEEN STAR".


Can't Matthew just shun the spotlight like Suri Cruise? Does he have to be everywhere? Can't he just go back to making mediocre movies and quit ruining all the things that are good in life? Like football and music? Does he have to be such a media whore?

By the way. Before anyone feels the need to point out that Matthew WASN'T in Hope Floats, I already knew that.


RambleRedhead said...

In the past, I thought that Matthew is very attractive but in his latest movies etc you can see how annoying he can be and the sad thing is that he makes bad movies and the women (and maybe) some gay men rush to go see them.

Sorry to hear he has been a drunken ass when you are a the games with him!