Friday, February 20, 2009

I scream you scream we all scream for ICE CREAM

I’m not above pandering to my children. Not that I feel I need to, but sometimes I just want to. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m also somewhat of a dork.

Last night we went to visit my ex-wife (a/k/a “fatty”; a/k/a “Kay”; a/n/k/a “low-fatty”) at the hospital. She’s been in there since Monday, when she went in to have an emergen-c-section. I had to drop off her breast pump for her AND I STILL hadn’t gotten a chance to see my brand-spankin’ new nephew yet! (And folks, despite the parentage, it’s really true…he IS a cute baby).

There was an “incident” in the hospital that will go down in our family as “The great elevator debacle of 2009”. Now, nobody fell down the shaft or anything. (ELEVATOR SHAFT, pervs!) However, there were tears involved. BOTH boys were hell bent on hitting “the button” to Narnia. When the doors of the elevator opened BOTH boys charged the elevator, but the older, bigger, faster, stronger boy won…by throwing the younger, smaller, clumsy one to the ground. After a loud discussion (me yelling at BM “WHAT THE FU”…hehehe, KIDDING!) with the boys about how neither one of them were going to hit the button now because both of them were acting like douche nozzles they both started sobbing. BM started yelling his new, recent mantra of “I don’t like you vewy much. You not vewy nice at me”. I told him to knock it off otherwise he was going to be staying in the hospital…in traction.

When we got out to the car I was having a slight twinge of guilt. I suppose I should have been proud at BM’s crazy mad line-backer skills. (I bet there’s a couple of you who didn’t think I’d know anything about Foosball, eh???) I mean, he TOTALLY took the LM out, cold. It was actually poetry. As we were driving out of the parking lot I says to the car (well, not so much “the car”, but the people IN the car), “I’m thirsty. I’m going to Sonic. Whoever can yell, ‘I LOVE DADDY’ the loudest will get anything they want when we get there”. And for the next four minutes I heard a choir of angels shouting to the world, “I LOVE DADDY, I LOVE DADDY, I LOVE DADDY, I LOVE DADDY”. I had a hard time determining who was actually shouting it loudest, so to break the tie, we all won.

And it really doesn’t get much better than that.

ff

19 comments:

Apok said...

I keep reading BM as bowel movement, which changes the dynamics of your story drastically.

(F)redddy said...

Apok, there are days where I intend it to come off as you interpreted it! Cuz sometimes he is a little shit! :-)

ciara said...

i thought of bowel movement, too, when i first saw that. lol even when the monsters are being little shits, ya gotta love em, eh? :)

Daddy Files said...

We have commercials for Sonic here, but no Sonic locations. Can you fill a Sonic virgin in on why this is such a treat?

ShankRabbit said...

Swinging by from Dad-Blogs. Happy Fatherhood Friday!

You just gave me the mental picture of 2 enormous douche nozzles (with accompanying bottle-legs) with football gear and beating the shit out of each other.

Thank you for that visual - it made my day.

(F)redddy said...

Ciara: Even when they're bad, they're good.

DF: The food is nothing to write home about, but their drinks, man...MAN their drinks are divine. Cherry Limeaide Slushes are the nectar of the gods. Their tater tots are a'ight. Their burgers are just so-so.

Shank: Buddy, glad I could start your weekend off proper.

john said...

I love Sonic...especially their coconut cream milkshake!

Steven (Green Dads) said...

I love it!
Bribing the kids with ice cream for an "I Love You", I'll have to try it.

All I get lately is "you're mean daddy"

Jed said...

i have to admit you turned a "You're mean at me, Daddy!" into an "I LOVE DADDY!" fairly quickly.

ByDSea said...

That's awesome! I love bribery and sonic!

Craig said...

Nice work with the bribery. By any means possible....

(F)redddy said...

John, not a huge coconut fan, but I'll take your word for it. (Thanks for stopping by).

Steven, Consider it a phase. I've been "mean daddy" for weeks now.

Jed, Get me another beer.

ByDsea, in that order?

Craig, I'm super fast on my feet. Thanks for stopping by, and, again, thanks for stopping by the DB pages.

(F)redddy said...

I'm such a dick. ByDsea, thank YOU for stopping by too!

Charlie on the PA Turnpike said...

I first saw a Sonic when in Florida on business, and marvelled that they had car-hop service.

Imagine my surprise when one opened not-terribly-too-far-a-drive from our home!

Mommy With a Penis said...

after reading this my tooth fairycapade doesn't seem so bad... and you chided me! TEN SPOT! in this economy. BTW, what do you do with your tooth fairy teeth? trash or memory book?

Hutch

(F)redddy said...

Charlie, the carhops add to the atmosphere, for sure. Just don't keep your hopes up regarding the food.

Hutch, I bought my kids ice cream...you forgot TO PLAY THE TOOTH FAIRY! How is that worse!?! :-) I plan on saving my kids teeth and having them set in 24 kt. gold posts for some simply fabulous ear bobs.

Charlie on the PA Turnpike said...

As far as the food is concerned, anything you get through your car window is probably no better than you should expect it to be.

Out-Numbered said...

I say fuck a lot too so I took to your style immediately. my kids have that elevator race every time. it's survival of the fittest. the only way to learn...

Kay said...

I'll admit to laughing at "low-fatty". And yes, my spawn is gorgeous.