Wednesday, November 26, 2008

50 Pet Peeves

1. People who ride their bicycles on sidewalks and/or in crosswalks.
2. People who charge the elevator door rather than waiting for people to get off.
3. People who begin a sentence with, “I’m not a ______, but…”.
4. People who don’t know how to yield the right of way or just don’t do it.
5. People who don’t know how to merge with traffic.
6. People who don’t believe stop signs apply to them.
7. People who don’t pick up their dog shit.
8. Parents who don’t have any expectations for their children.
9. Parents who talk to their children like they’re a lower form of species.
10. Parents who hit their children especially, but not limited to, in public.
11. People who don’t wash their hands before leaving a bathroom.
12. “Skinny pants” on men.
13. People I don’t know touching my children.
14. People saying, “It must be mom’s night off” when Jed and I take the boys out to dinner.
15. Being required to give contact information before a purchase.
16. People who don’t apologize.
17. People who can’t accept an apology.
18. “Peeps” (the Easter ‘treat’).
19. Yankee “BBQ”.
20. Yankee “Mexican food”.
21. Southern “Pizza”.
22. People who serve Picante sauce.
23. People who use the passing lane a regular lane of traffic.
24. People who say “supposebly”.
25. People who use vanilla scented anything in their bathrooms.
26. Hearing my voice recorded in any manner.
27. People distracted by portable electronic devices when having conversations with people directly in front of them.
28. People who don’t make eye (or facial) contact when having a conversation. IF I CAN’T SEE YOUR MOUTH, I CAN’T HEAR YOU.
29. People who pronounce “Italian”, “EYE-TAL-EE-ANN”. You don’t visit EYE-TIL-EEE, do you?
30. People who try something once and become an instant expert.
31. Militant vegetarianism/veganism.
32. Women who fake orgasms in pornos.
33. Porn producers who run “the money shot” on an endless loop making it look like the guy is “Old Faithful”.
34. Men who wax their eyebrows.
35. Women who have waxed their eyebrows completely off and then pencil them back on.
36. Unnatural colors of hair (Blue/Green/Purple).
37. Men who shave their legs.
38. Men who shave their junk.
39. Men who shave.
40. People who start and email with Dear (Insert recipient’s name) and end it with a formal saluation.
41. Women who dress like hookers to drop their kids off at school (unless they ARE hookers, then it’s okay).
42. Women who can’t leave the house in a full face full of make-up…ESPECIALLY when they’re at the gym.
43. Restaurants that serve sweetened iced tea.
44. Restaurants that automatically add 15% gratuity to the bill.
45. Cashier’s who have conversations with their co-workers while they’re ringing me up instead of giving me undivided attention.
46. Cashier’s who ask me if I “found everything I was looking for” and then look at me stupidly when I tell them “no”.
47. People who text and/or talk on cell phones while driving.
48. People who text and/or talk on cell phones while walking.
49. People who text and/or talk on cell phones while having sex.
50. People who text and/or talk on cell phones in public.

51. People who don’t say hello back to you when you say hello to them.
52. Tardiness.
53. People scheduling a meeting time with you and then expecting you to wait for them.
54. When a certain someone who isn’t me or Adrian or Nathan leaves lights on in a room they’re not in…especially when there are five lights in five rooms with nobody in them.


Kay said...

OH MY GAWD!! I was rolling. First off, here's my "pot meet kettle" ones: #27 & 29.

Ummm, you twitter constantly when we're in the car going to MOW. Hello, I'm right next to you. Talk to me! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!! That is my time with you. Damnit. And yes, my pregnancy hormones are in full swing, thanks for asking. :-)

And..."Eye-talian". I've never heard you say it any other way.

You cracked me up with the women faking orgasm one. That is why I prefer male on male porn. They actually look like they're enjoying themselves as opposed to thinking "damnit this position hurts" and "my thigh is cramping" and "jeez when are they going to call for the money shot?".